Life is pointless and I am a failure

[Solo64]

Hi this is my first time posting and I’m new here I got recommend as this site will help and slow down my problem. I feel like a failure failing to get to uni lying to my single dad gets shouting about how dumb am I everyday mother left me since I was born. Having friend used me to help them out but not feeling I am getting any helped. Sorry if my English is bad. I feel defeated I feel like life is now pointless all my friends got into something there want as well have a second opintion. My dad force me to become something what is hard for me to aim at as well that I don’t to be that I know his intention is to help me in the future but everything is not getting my way anymore. Everyone always tell me that “no worries you got opintions” but I feel like everyone knows now that I’m super dumb or them not being real using a fake smile. Is nice having opintion but my dad won’t allow it if I told him the truth (mostly about not getting to uni) everyone has told me tell my dad the truth but I feel like it will backleash knowing him the most what would happen. Since now I delated every social media and games knowing that these pieces won’t make me any better anymore i always thought games and social media made me happy but it doesn’t help my learning and I’m helping others with my learning I always never take credit and give my friends the credit but always having the bad marks compere to my friends even doe is a group work or stand alone assessments. I know the teacher wouldn’t know I helped them or did all the group work by myself. But I feel like my friends deserve to have a better life until the day I failed to get to uni I had asked them what I can do but them just showing off there have pass and just told me you got opintion I know there used me the advise they give me felt hopeless and pointless the only person I have talked is my younger brother I am failure to be a big brother asking my younger brother for help because he been the most help in my life as well I can’t turn to my dad or my friends anymore sorry if this was too long or I could of made it shorter I just felt like to make everything out.

[JessF]

Hello Solo64, I can see that you are trying your best to please your father and be a good example to your younger brother. I know when I have tried to do something I am not suited for, and failed, it has made me feel terrible.

I know these days it is just expected that when you leave school you will go straight on to university, but it is not the only option out there. Some of us did not go to university and have gone on to live very full and productive lives where we have contributed to society and made our families proud.

Please try not to take your father's comments too literally. I don't think you are super dumb at all. I am sure he wants what is best for you, and perhaps wants a better life for you than what he had when he was younger.

Perhaps you could post back and tell us about some of the subjects you like, and what some of your interests are. Your friends mean well when they say you have options, but perhaps they don't understand how difficult it is for you to make a different choice from what your father is expecting of you.

We all have talents and things we are good at, and you can always learn new things too. I hope you will post again, and please don't think you are a failure. As people, we will fail many times throughout life but that doesn't mean that WE are failures. It's all a learning curve.

[Solo64]

My personal subject I wanted to be was a chef but my father wanted me to become something higher (like doc and lawyer, ect) so I was trying to please my father and choosen Information technology because I was good at it as well getting to uni and told my father I was going to uni because he had told me many time to not do any other jobs. But I did not listen my father choice because it was too high for me. my father does not know this I had failed to get to uni. My dad does not accept any offer other then me going to uni. My dad haved told story about do not go to cit because of his experience. So what can I do?

[smallwolf]

Hi Solo64,

Welcome to beyond blue.

Did you recently finish high school? My dad never said I was a failure, but I felt like one for a number of reasons. Both he and I are also perfectionists, so that I does not help. Anyway, I never got into Uni when I "wanted" and everyone else did so I went to TAFE instead and the course I did there got me into Uni and left with a Masters degree.

Now you might not want to get a degree... that is fine also. I lived in a share house with other students. There was one student one semester from finishing his engineering degree and was talking about how to tell his dad that he did not want to do it anymore. My brother took a year off from study after high school and 2 weeks into engineering rang mum and dad to tell them he hated it, and changed to Arts/Law. Someone else did a veterinary degree, completed it, but works as an electrician.

You seems you are passionate about becoming a chef?

Now suppose you got into Uni, you would be living away from home? Would you do the degree part time of full time? Regardless would you do any part time work? Would you find work in your desired area?

As an aside, there are food related Uni courses. But whether that is something you want to consider?

While your dad might not sound caring, it also sounds like he does not want to you make the same "mistakes" (whatever they were, based on your last post) as he did. Conversations with parents can be difficult. But can also lift a weight off your shoulder if you are able. Even today, some conversations with my wife I have to prefix by saying "please let me say, get it all out, before you respond....".

My personal thought is that you don't get into a position whereby 30+ years later, you don't get to my age and issues from your teen years still have an effect on how you perceive yourself.

Peace and comforting thoughts,

Tim