life is just getting too much

[cripjay15]

i am just really struggling at the moment. the past 18 months have been hell. i feel like i can’t escape the constant voice in the back of my head telling me to feel how to feel. exams aren’t even what i am anxious about it’s my “friends” who make me feel like this. classes are the easy part. happiness just seems to be getting further and further away. i just can’t find a way to get out of the darkness. i want and need help but i just don’t know how to get to it.

[MyLadyGirl]

Cripjay 15

Can you do me a favour. When you feel that anxiety and things get to chaos with your mind, try breathing slowly and calmly. And tell me how you feel. I know it's stupid and not logic but please do it for me.

I know it's hard to open up so let's work with one issue at a time. But if you feel and ready to open up more we are all hear to listen and be by your side.

[cripjay15]

my brother already has tutoring and lots of support around him and i don’t think i could help in any way. my issue is that he gets all that support. i know my parents don’t mean to but i feel as i am always second priority. like my needs aren’t as important as his. i have always been smart and independent and not required much help. at the moment especially since he is about to have exams is when i need help the most but i just feel i can’t get to it.

what makes me feel the worst is that i have really nice friends around me, the people in my state footy team but what sucks is that they live all over victoria and i hardly see them. it makes me feel worse because i know there are people who share the same values and interest with me and really care and accept me for who i am but i am just stuck with the people who make me feel like shit

currently my friends are what is causing me to be anxious all the time. two of have been getting into lots of things that don’t really go with my values like stealing from stores alcohol and drugs(sort of). i’m just really lost within what to do. i’m not really feeling comfortable with what is going on. it’s not like i can just blow them off and find new friends because i practically do everything with them as we are in the same sport team.

i am just lost because my school isn’t like a normal school there is practically division between the people who do the sport program (me which i had to pull out of because of injury ) and the rest of the school so i really only have the option of what i’ve got.

[MyLadyGirl]

Cripjay,

Don't underestimate your ability where your parents support your brother more then you. It's could be that your parents trust your judgement and believe that what you do is better then him. Or perhaps that you are doing well that they know that you do not need support. It can also be that your brother is having a depression or is sad that he can't achieve the school standard that the school told your parents about it.

I understand that we all need friends. However, if you feel that your friends does not meet your need as they have some weakness do not stand by their side even though you are hanging out with them. It will pull you down more. Try to minimize your appearance with them. Join other friends that you feel more comfortable with or do your planning so you can be better in it.

Your parents are proud of you that you might not know as you are good in school and sports. They might not show it because of their ego but they really do. You feel upset not because you want to leave, you feel sad is because you are in the same sports with them that you may feel that they will tell other friends about you. Do not limit your friends. Try joining other people and I see that you will not be down.

I know your sports are limited due to your injury and you are only can do what you are capable of doing but try to plan a sports that you know that you can do it without being injured. Can you explain more about your planning of sports?

[cripjay15]

I don’t think i do this anymore. this week has just been the worst. talking to people about my problems makes me feel worse because i can’t tell them everything. the voice in back in my head keeps telling me to feel things i don’t want to feel. all i need is a true friend that is actually there for me. people are making me miss out of things i actually enjoy for their own benefit

stress is getting too much. i can’t sleep. i am so anxious i can’t eat.

what is the point of putting in effort with anyone when i’m never gonna get anything back? why can’t i be proud of my achievements instead of people making my feel shit about them? why do people feel like they can treat someone like this? why don’t people realise? why me? what have i done to you?

[Aaronsis]

Hi Cripjay15

I am so pleased that you have come back to chat and let us know that you are not doing very well. I am so very sorry you are having a really bad week and that talking to people about your problems has infact made you feel worse, I just wanted to acknowledge though that you said you are struggling with talking to people and I assume you mean a professional or doctor or counselor, and that you feel you can't tell them everything, can you tell me everything? Maybe this is the reason that you are not getting the benefits from the sessions as you are not fully purging and getting what you need to off your chest. I know it is so very hard, but they are not there to judge or criticize you, just the same as people here, it is about support and comfort. I feel for you though as it is so very hard to be fully open and pour your heart out and feel so very vulnerable.

The stress is really getting to you and you are not sleeping and not eating and feeling so very anxious and this too will be making it so very hard to get through the day, let alone with all the dialog going on in your head. I hear your cry out for a real friend and you have that here is us, we can't reach out and hug you but the support is here for you, just reach out and type...type away all the things inside that you want to purge and get rid of, we will help you to get through each day. If you are really struggling at the moment to get through the next day please call lifeline on 13 11 14 and someone can talk to you, help you get through right now.

I am so sorry you are struggling to feel that you achievements are worth anything and that you just want someone to say that you are doing a great job and to keep on trying and you are doing well. It is lousy when our true friends and people we connect with are so far away, as for you with your friends in a different state, people who you really trust and want to spend time with, that must be so very difficult for you.

I hope that the kids at your school have calmed down with the stealing and substance abuse and I am hoping that perhaps there are some other people who you can spend time with. It is hard to make friends especially seeing that you want to be with the sports kids but your injuries wont allow it, is the school physically split? Is it possible to still see some of the people you were previously friends with?

This is a really tough time for you and I hope you can get on here and purge, get it all out.

I am here for you

AS

[cripjay15]

i just feel in a never ending loop and that the people around me will never understand. the school counsellor was meant to see me again but he didn’t. even though i felt it didn’t help at the start, by the end of the week i just felt i needed to let it all out again.

most days i have cried my self to sleep just in the last couple of days i have really lost my appetite. i am close with my mum and i try to talk to her but i feel she just doesn’t listen to me when i say i i can’t get over everything of what has happened. the hard part is i’m just stuck.

there is a couple girls from the year level above me who i am good friends with but it’s not like i can start hanging out with them. our friendship is not really like that. mum just keeps telling me that i just need to not put much effort in with my current friends and just kinda suck it up. but i am just so pissed off that i don’t have anyone to go out with or catch up. i don’t have someone who has my back or i can go to parties with.

the problem with the counsellor is that he is also the pt in my schools gym and already had a relationship with him. another problem is that one of my friend is also close with him and i know he doesn’t but it just feels awkward and i just don’t seem to get out what i have been bottling up for so long.

i am just plain depressed. i can’t escape my feelings. i go to school and there is shit people and i have to go to basketball and continue to be with those people. if i go to footy it’s like i’m not allowed to be there and be good at it because my friends aren’t.

my friend go out and don’t even ask me to come. they invite each other out to do all this fun stuff and don’t include me. then they come back and brag about how fun it all is. the worst part is that if i didn’t get injured in the first place this never would’ve happened

[Aaronsis]

Hi cripjay15

It is great to hear from you although I am so very sorry that you didn't get to see your school counsellor, that is really disappointing, even though you mentioned it perhaps didn't help, the fact you were annoyed that they didn't schedule and appointment perhaps means that you did make some sort of progress there, which is wonderful. I am wondering if you can perhaps pop in and see them and give them a reminder to fit you in for an appointment? Although when you say that there is a problem with this as you had a relationship with him, I am not fully sure I understand, are you able to clarify this for me? Do you mean relationship like counselor/student or one of an emotional relationship?

I hear how much you are struggling and that you feel just stuck, that you can't escape your feelings and that your friends are really letting you down, the girls in the older year level that you mentioned, are you sure that you can not make them friends, just because they are older doesn't mean you can't connect with them and make a friendship there. It is so hard to make friends and I can see what your mum is saying but I get that you are not feeling happy with that response as making a friend that you can hang out with and someone who has your back is important to you and I do get it as friendships are important to me too. I would tend not to give up on trying, it does take some time to find your people, and these girls may just be it, if you can try to put it out there to them and see if they want to catch up you might be surprised.

The friends that you have now are letting you down by excluding you and that is really not a good feeling and it is not what friends do, so I would have to ask you if these people are actually worth the effort?

I know you are angry for having your accident and as a result so many things in your life have changed, but it is called just that ..an accident..and you are not at fault or to blame. Things have changed for you and it does take time to find your feet again, please don't give up hope that your people are out there, they are..you just have to find them. It took my son 2 years at a new school to make friends and find his people, it was so very difficult for him and my heart just broke, that is why I feel for you.

Hugs to you cripjay15 and hope something wonderful that has made you smile today happened.

AS

[MyLadyGirl]

Hi Cripjay 15,

Welcome back. I did miss you and was wondering if you are fine. Did not want to pressure you but I am glad that you came back and express your depression and sadness of what is happening with your friends. I know being lonely really make someone lives miserable but because you are still young you may think that friends are important to you. They makes you happy. Your mom mentioning that 'my mum and i try to talk to her but i feel she just doesn’t listen to me when i say i i can’t get over everything of what has happened.' is probably she went through the same experience in life and realise later on that, it's not about it. Friends come for a trophy and we think we need them because we want to be just as popular with them. We think that hanging out with them is so cool and exciting. But we forgot that we have lots our true identity. Cripjay, you don't need a friend to be cool. You are cool and a great sportsman which you don't see within yourself. You are so into learning what your friend say and being with them as you have not given priority to yourself. When this happen, the years of feeling depress and sad develop making you realise that you are not important and his some how will develop in you as your grow. So do not feel sad and upset. Just because your friend is close to you PT teacher does not mean you can't talk to him/her, just because you are hanging around high level girls they may not like you. They may cause they may think your matured and your cool to hang out with. Maybe you can ask them see what their response is.

I know it's hard to not have friend but you may not realise that it give you a bit of freedom and help you develop your self esteem up abit. A cooling period from things and that's where you realise who's your friends really are. Your friends will leave high school soon and so is you. Until them try being with them. Or probably act with them showing smiley face. Let them feel jealous for a while..

Just hold on there my friend. It will take time but you will realise soon..

Hugs and supportive friend.

[cripjay15]

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. for a point in life i was happy just for a little and i thought i was back on track to enjoying life again. but then that split moment just disappears again but the worst part about it is that it feels normal and that if i feel any other way then it’s weird.

It is almost like i put on a happy face around people but on the inside it feels pitch black. i am anxious to do just about anything

my school counsellor only just saw me again this week. i was glad that i could maybe have the chance to vent out my problems again but he only let me really talk about what is going on at school but in reality i am struggling with all aspects of life.

i am just so bottled up that i feel i will explode. my mum didn’t get a job that she applied to and she is really down at the moment and i can’t vent out anything to her right now. i am just lost i thought being back at sport would make me feel better but it really isn’t. i am in a new basketball team and i am the youngest and i have just completely lost all confidence in my ability to play so i just feel really down about that.

there is so much more but i just can’t explain how i feel. i just am used to pushing down all my thought that it has become a habit