In my life I don’t really have anybody to confide in or express my feelings to, so I’m just going to use this as an outlet to get everything that has happened over the past year off my chest. I had to move schools due to having had created a large amount of drama surrounding myself, I had an eating disorder and my obsession with self image and being what I considered good enough for the people around me became crippling to my mental health and began to impact my friends and family. As a result of this, many people at the school heavily disliked me. Over school break, I was able to try and come to terms with my disorder and slowly became more comfortable with myself through talking to friends and family. I still struggled with the loss of all of my valued friends that I had at school as a result of what I did to myself, and the reputation I had made. The following year, I moved to a new school. I knew a girl there and was friends with her already so I was able to acclimate okay into the new environment. But slowly I began to realise that people seemed to enjoy making fun of me more than they did really hanging around me. When I came to the table they would leave. And when I left they would gossip about me and laugh and point. Eventually I was able to succumb to the societal pressures and just watered my personality down so they wouldn’t hate me for being myself. I stopped expressing myself, and talking loudly and doing everything that they hated me for. Things were okay but throughout all of this my anxiety had been peaking. I began self harming everywhere I could and I felt out of control and lost touch of reality. School became increasingly harder and I began binge eating as a result of the stress. Towards the end of the year, I stopped going to school. I refused to get out of bed and when confronted by my parents I wouldn’t fight back, I would just cry. I stopped going for weeks on end, I would just stay alone in my room and cry. It was a low point for me. As a result, a repeat of what happened at my last school began to
happen again. My friends did not understand why I wasn’t at school, they thought I was being ignorant and mean. My closest friend, began to hate me for seemingly no reason. She never told me why. She has started spreading rumours about me, making everyone who I had tried so hard to make like me hate me once again. I have been so sad lately. I have left school for the past 3 months and not gone back. I’m now moving towns.
