I'm 22 and previously have felt really good about my life; doing really well at university studying law, FANTASTIC family, good job, just moved into my own apartment, etc. I know some of what I am going to say sounds ridiculous, but I just want to be truthful about what is going on in my head.
I've really been struggling with extreme worry. Largely I think it relates to my law studies... for example, I was previously involved on the board of a Cambodian charity which I got to know through Rotary. As part of my law studies we researched Australia's terrorism laws which include huge penalties for people who finance terrorism, obviously. It mentioned overseas aid organisations. Now, this is an organisation which is registered with the relevant bodies in Aus and Cambodia and has an Australian Rotarian overseeing all finances. All expenditure is accounted for. However, I have this absolute paranoia that somehow, in several years, something could happen and I'll go to jail. I've now left the board for various reasons but largely because I felt I couldn't cope with the responsibility with my current mental health.
This is one example of several absolutely awful "worst case" scenarios I have come up with in my head about a range of things. They usually relate to legal problems and criminal charges. It is worsened partly because my partner lives OS and I am hoping to move there in a year, and need a "clean record" for the visa.
I am well aware that this sounds absolutely ridiculous, but this worry is taking over my life. A lot of days I just lie in bed and try to sleep so I don't have to think about it which for obvious reasons is impacting my studies. I have even had suicidal thoughts relating to this as I so totally convince myself it is going to happen and so I should just "end it now". In my head the risk is SO REAL even though even I know it sounds crazy on paper. I try to tell myself I am being ridiculous, hundreds of these organisations operate and we have done everything very carefully. But it doesn't help. Plus, I "solve" one problem and just move on to the next. I am literally completely terrified most of the time.
Honestly,
I don' t know what to do about it. I am seeing a counsellor but I don't think they understand just how bad my worry is. I feel like she tends to laugh it off as my concerns seem so far-fetched, but they are real to me. I don't even know if this is anxiety or something else.
Please can someone help/advise?
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