I don't want to be like this

[Walle]

I think something is wrong with me. I don't like who I am. I have a really amazing life, with an amazing family and amazing boyfriend and  friends. Yet, I still feel so alone and often dislike myself. I think I really screwed things up with my boyfriend tonight. I  got upset about something and then I got  really emotional, I couldn't control it and I couldn't think straight and I just acted  completely crazy and unlike myself. It wasn't until a few hours later  that I could think rationally again. I don't want to be like this, and I really don't  know why I can't control my emotions. I hate myself for making my boyfriends life hard, and for putting strain on our relationship. I think I was suffering from depression last year, and I saw a counsellor at uni for a while which I think helped, but I felt like I couldn't completely open up. I feel like I've been so good lately until the past few days. Although, I can always feel depression in the background, like it's always tugging at me and I'm constantly trying to ignore it and fight it off. I don't want to be like this forever. It's so hard and I just don't know what to do. 

[geoff]

dear Walle, thanks for being so brave to post a comment to us, wanting our help, which we would really like to do.

Depression can changed our moods from being sort of happy, maybe putting on a fake face or mask like most of us have done, that is pretending to be happy to our friends, boy/girlfriend, or maybe parents, but underneath we are hurting.

By having this illness it's not your fault, because on the majority of occasions no one knows why we get depression.

Having seen a counsellor is a good start, but any adolescent and/or adult, it still happens, but if you trust this person you should disclose everything that is troubling yourself, I realise it's not easy, but it can happen over a period of time, such as each time you see them then you can tell them something else, but you can only do this if you feel comfortable with this person.

Depression is a curse because it does keep tugging at you, and by being at uni, is supposed to be the time of your life.

Can I suggest that you go and see your doctor, who will also set up a medicare plan which entitles you to 10 free visits to see any psych, plus they may decide to put you on antidepressants.

Please don't be worried about this, you may only need them for a short time, but when they begin to work you may decide to stay on them for a longer period, as I have been on them for over 20 years and will need for the rest of life, but everybody is different.

There seems to be a trigger for your depression coming out, so it would be interesting if you can get back to us. Geoff. x