Is there something wrong with me?

[el17]

I’ve always been a very anxious person, but now I feel as if it’s consuming me day in and day out.

My anxiety makes me a very sensitive person and it doesn’t take much to make me cry. I feel like I’m constantly apologising to people for getting upset so easily. This can be as little as someone using a different tone and I’m upset and wondering what I did wrong.

I feel like I’m constantly being judged for feeling this way.

Sometimes I work myself up to the point where I think of crazy scenarios that probably will never happen.

I know I’m not the only person out there who feels this way but why do I feel like such an idiot for getting so upset and sensitive about small things? its like I’m getting anxious for feeling anxious.

Its very hard because a lot of people in my life have picked up on it. I am not a person that likes to talk in depth about what I’m feeling. Not a lot of people understand this feeling and a lot of the times I get responses such as “don’t think about it” or “try not to care too much” I know it’s easier for a person who’s not going through something like this to respond that way.

How do you guys cope with this sort of thing? I’ve tried reading some self help books but I can’t seem to take on board what they’re all saying and telling me to do.

[geoff]

Hello El, thanks for coming to the forums.

I deeply sorrow for how you are feeling and people who may have social anxiety have a fear that others will notice their anxiety feelings and can be hurt by offhand remarks; people who don’t take well to teasing.

I think this is one of the ways that started my down fall because I wasn't strong enough, that's not any fault by anybody at all, but the constant criticism and people picking us up slowly wears you down.

The self help books can provide information that may or may not help you over this hurdle, but I believe they will help you more after you get the help from a counsellor.

There maybe trigger points which you don't realise you've got or how to handle them so they have to be gently explained to you by someone who knows in sessions with a psychologist.

Please remember that you can get 10 free sessions using the 'mental health plan' which your doctor will issue.

There are no criticisms on this this so please feel as though you can come back to us.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[White_Rose]

Dear El

Welcome to the forum and thank you for telling us your story.

Trying to second guess what someone 'really' meant in a conversation is difficult. As you say, many people respond in this manner to perceived hurtful comments. It is easy for someone else to say things like "It's your imagination", "don't get upset", "such and such did not mean it". It appears we can turn our emotions on and off like turning on the light.

Well of course that's not true. If we could flip a switch we most certainly would do so. After all who wants to feel hurt and misjudged for no reason. But these comments continue to simmer on the back boiler and lead to further imaginary situations which in turn upset and hurt us. And so it goes on. What we need is a circuit breaker that allows us to take a deep breath, consider the remark objectively and move on. Of course it's easy for me to say that, and I have heard all sorts of comments that feel hurtful, but putting it into effect is a very different matter.

I used to ask someone I trusted to 'look' at the comment and evaluate if my reaction was reasonable. A third person's objective look at a conversation can be very helpful. However you do need someone who can be trusted to consider what you have said. Coping on our own is difficult when we are managing our own brain. In many ways the brain is lazy and will go down the same default path every time because it's the easy option. You have been there often and track is well worn. We need to find another path that helps us to evaluate the conversation.

Start when you are on your own by asking yourself if there is any reason why the person should want to hurt
you, if there are other meanings to the comment, if the comment is actually correct but has a spin that only you see. This will be hard to start with because of the emotion you feel. Separating emotion and observation is tricky. Have there been other comments where the person has intended to hurt you and you now fall into the trap of thinking everyone wants to upset you. I know how very easily we can get to that place.

Write it down with pros and cons for hurting or not hurting. Which is the most likely. Don't spend much time on it. Go and do something physical which puts you in a different space.

If you are happy to read self help books here are a couple of suggestions. The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown, Resilience by Anne Deveson. Both are fairly easy to read. Come back and chat some more.

Mary