being raised by my sister since i was 8. in time i also live with the others big brothers and sis since i'm the youngest. and every times i felt i am a burden to them. i don't speak much. i don't cry much. people always say that i'm a heartless person, spoil. my mother died when i was 8 and my dad died when i was 19. after my mom died i felt like nothing left of me. even I've been raised with my sister, i don't feel like i should be here. my sis married and have 2 daughters and 2 sons, her eldest daughter is the same age with me. we're not that closed. where ever i go even it is my others bro and sis's house, they never like a home to me. for me to complain and to ask something always make me think that stop being ungrateful. then i kept everything inside me. and yet,hearing their laughing make me lonely and leftout.
i have a boyfriend but myself keep rejecting everything..i feel there's a hole inside me that won't fill in no matter how much i want it. sometimes i'm tired of being alone even there are people around. i hate family gathering because it makes me feel more alone and my family keeps praising and talking about my same age niece. she such a family jewel, pride. i felt so much jealousy inside. but i thought i don't care. then again i said to my self well i'm nobody. sometimes i want to give up and go away. i tried to talk but it's no use, nothing change. i'm getting worse.
is it me again? make myself suffering? well i hope someday, i can get out from this cage...........
