Introduction - struggling with depression and isolation at uni

[swtpotato]

Hello everyone --just wanted to introduce myself 🙂

I am 22, studying at uni in 3rd year. I took last semester off to try and recover from chronic fatigue and depression after having a bit of a breakdown the year before (you know...just a bit). For the first half of the year I was just waiting to start my life again, but now I am here I have gotten more depressed and anxious and feel isolated from my friends.

I started medication 4 weeks ago and went up 2 weeks ago. Since I increased my dose I have been cycling from intense anxiety - apathy - crying spells - fatigue - nervous energy. My social anxiety is also starting to come back. Before I started I was really apathetic and lethargic with lots of physical symptoms but less anxiety. From what I have read in a few forums this is quite normal and it tends to start working from 8-12 weeks.

The last few days have been really difficult, and I don't really know what to do. I have lost some close friends since I came here and don't have many people to turn to, and when I do I feel really guilty about it. I have a good doctor and psychologist but don't see them as much as I'd like to. I am doing 3 subjects even though it really is too much but I need to so I can get centrelink and other benefits. Despite all that I would rather be here attempting to live my life than be back home -- hoping I will be able to get through the next few weeks!

I think I will try and post on here quite a bit as it would be really helpful to chat with people who have been through similar things.

[Guest_9809]

Hello Swtpotato. Welcome to the beyondblue forums. Well done by coming here and telling us a bit about what you have been going through.

Certainly its a tough slog to commence medication as it does take time to adjust and settle, as you've found. But you are being sensible and patient about it so far, so I urge you to persevere with it a while longer before assessing whether its going to be right for you. Yes many people go through what you have described, during the process.

Studying at university is never easy, so despite your MH difficulties, you are doing really well. Good news that you have a trusted GP and a good psychologist.

You say that you dont see them as much as you'd like. Why is that? Is it due to a lack of time or is it a monetary thing? Can I ask if you are currently on a Mental Health Care Plan? If not, I would suggest that you ask your GP to consider putting you on one. It allows up to 10 medicare subsidised visits with your psych per year. This may relieve some financial pressure, if thats what's been preventing you attending as much as you need to.

Do you have any hobbies or sport that you are interested in and enjoy doing? Exercise is important in helping us through difficult times, and the benefits should not be underestimated. So I would urge you to either continue this pursuit, or consider taking up a sport or activity. Do you practice mindfulness at all? Perhaps this is something your psych has suggested to you. Many people find it to be a useful endeavor. You can look it up on the internet if you would like to find out more about it, and there are a number of websites with good apps.

Since you are young swtpotato, I would suggest that you have a read through some of the existing threads in "Young People" section of the Forums. We have quite a few young members, some of whom are also studying at either school or uni. You might find some common ground there along with some helpful advice. If any of the threads resonate with you, please post a reply and make yourself known to the people there. You will be made to feel very welcome. The BB Community as a whole are a very understanding and supportive bunch.

You say you will try to post here regularly. I hope that is the case, and look forward to seeing you around. Check out some of the "BB Social Zone" threads as well for a bit of lighthearted fun.

Taurus

[james1]

Hello swtpotato,

Welcome to the forums.

I'm 25 and I finished uni about 5 years ago.

Can I just say congratulations and good work on persisting through uni even with the chronic fatigue and depression? It sounds like you don't give yourself much credit for that but having personal experience with depression and knowing people with chronic fatigue, I think you've done a super job already.

I know you've talked a lot about how you feel like you've lost friends and feel guilty about talking about your troubles, but as you've said, you've got so much on your plate already.

I think it's awesome that you're still trying to live the life you want and all I can really say is that we can see you're giving it your best shot and really hope you do well. You've certainly got the right attitude.

What are you studying? I did an Economics degree but prior to that, I was doing economics and arts (philosophy) until I got a job offer and dropped the arts component.

James

[swtpotato]

Thanks for your replies!

I saw my GP today who made me feel a lot better about the side affects, she's the best one I've had so far. I already used up my mental health care plan in the first half of the year and now have to pay in full but mum is helping me out thank god. I haven't been seeing my psychologist too much because of money, but also because she isn't available too often when I am - so it has been a 3 week gap this time. Not the best time to adjust dosages but couldn't wait.

Exercise -- chronic fatigue stops me mostly, and I walk around a lot (too much) which uses up a lot of my energy. If I wasn't at uni I would be doing a pacing/exercise plan of some kind, still possible but don't really have enough space in my brain to plan and go through with it atm.

Mindfulness -- I love yoga and used to do meditation every morning. I stopped when I moved due to chaotic routine and illness getting out of control. I know I need to start again but my motivation has kinda disappeared. I will find it soon.

My favourite hobbies before being sick were sport/outdoors related (mostly rock climbing and soccer) and I hate that I can't do those anymore. I read but it doesn't interest me atm, I have too much study. I haven't been very good at self-care lately.

Thanks James people keep saying that - have a lot on my plate - it is sad when friend's don't really get it, or just have their own troubles to deal with. It has become very normalised. They are great people still, but are moving on with their lives and I hardly see them.

I am studying geography, I find it boring most of the time, but I am almost certain that's just me. I used to love it, I think it's important. I haven't been studying or going to uni last 2 weeks due to side affects but it's getting better. I think it's amazing that you would have graduated at 20!

I had an ok day today, but don't usually get to actually socialise too often, I have forgotten how to have fun with people. When healthy I am already withdrawn and quiet and enjoy being on my own, so I withdraw very easily and find it hard to ask for help. I am hoping the medication will help soon, and I think it will help a lot with the chronic fatigue as I know at least part of it is depression related.

Great to talk about it, thank you for your words.

[Meowface]

Hi swtpotato - just wanted to say hi I'm new here too. I relate to your feelings and although I'm not at uni anymore it can be very overwhelming juggling study, friendships, money, physical etc. and having anxiety on top of that. It's great you're keeping your GP in the loop and hopefully he/she will support you while you adjust to the medication. I'm on week 4 of medication and it's definitely something to get used to. But it feels good to be doing something about it!

I love yoga too but I always let it slip (why is that!). I'm going to try and go this weekend - there's meant to be some good free youtube yoga videos for anxiety (Yoga with Adrienne is meant to be good) which might be worth trying. Hang in there!

[Guest_9809]

Hi swtpotato and thanks for your response.

Really pleased that your GP has made you feel more comfortable and reassured about your medication side effects. It can be a difficult time adjusting.

Yes I wasnt sure when you had the chronic fatigue, but yes it can certainly hang around an indeterminable length of time. Very active sports, which it sounds like you were into, will be out at least for now. But there are other activities and hobbies you can still do. Yes yoga is one, and I too do that. I always loved active sports as well, but when a major injury intervened it put a stop to that. I was totally lost afterwards, it had been my exercise, my social interaction and my salvation. It took a long time to adjust to my new capabilities and necessary lifestyle changes. All you can do is to just keeping down what you can, when you can. Any chance you can get back into the meditation again?

Sorry to hear that you have used up all your medicare funded psych visits already. I always seem to do that too well before the years are up. Its possible you could access a GP Chronic Disease Management Plan, which would entitle you to some medicare subsidy for up to another 5 visits per year. The rebate is only around $50 though, rather than the $124.50 you get through the MHCP. So you would still need to pay a top-up, but it may help a little. Could be worth discussing with your GP next time you see her.

Would it be true to say that you are naturally a bit of a loner? I know for me, the loneliest I ever feel is when I'm in a crowd. One on one I'm not so bad.

I too hope that the medication soon kicks in and gives you some much needed relief. Have you tried any CBT with your psych yet, as I believe it is often used when treating chronic fatigue.

Have you checked out any of the other threads yet? I will keep a look out for you.

Taurus

[swtpotato]

Hi Meowface! It's great to hear you relate.

Is this your first time on meds? (if you don't mind me asking). I have done some Yoga with Adrienne actually, she's lovely. I usually prefer to do it with music though and make up my own routine. At the same time I cheat and only do like 5 mins lately ah well. I have also done some yin yoga classes which are super relaxing...if in the right mind for it.

I am really glad I decided to join this forum. Yesterday I had this low point where I almost considered calling a a depression hotline, which I have never felt before, but posted here instead. I already feel a lot better being able to talk about it, my main problem I think is isolation.

Hope to see you around

[swtpotato]

I definitely get being lost after an injury, that is what stopped me from playing soccer a few years ago which I had played my whole life. Chronic fatigue has definitely stopped me from a lot more, though I am much better than I used to be.

I can get back into meditation. I think I will try tomorrow. I have written down in my journal that I will the next few days, and easily get disappointed in myself when I end up not doing it. I have noticed I have gone straight back into bad habits -- avoiding feelings of failure by not doing anything at all. I will try and be more proactive.

Thank you for your advice, I have one of those plans for the chronic fatigue already. Getting my money's worth from medicare!

Really I am not sure if I am naturally a loner. I have had social anxiety for a long time, am quite sensitive and get overwhelmed by my environment with lots of people. I feel like I pretended to be a loner because I couldn't really connect with others too well, I felt very different and had different interests. But when healthy I am also not the most social, I have just been needing to be around people a lot lately, just to feel their presence. I wish I could be closer to my friends, just to hang out and do nothing together is a great feeling.

Thank you for your advice, very much appreciated.

[james1]

Hello swtpotato,

I briefly dated a nice girl with chronic fatigue once and from what I understand, it became less intense over time but she still had to very carefully manage her energy because even going slightly over meant the next few days or even weeks could be just stuck in bed.

She ended up doing a fair bit of gaming online because of the social aspect which was missing. It was pretty tough because people are often pretty crap online, but she made a couple of good friends and they would set up times to play together.

She also had some cousins who she had a whatsapp chatgroup with and they'd be talking all the time.

So I suppose it was just her way of managing the need for social interaction while being essentially bedridden.

I don't know if these will work for you, but I hope it gives you some reassurance that there are others with similar conditions and they're also just trying to figure out what works and what doesn't.

James

[Pysis]

Hi em

my brother had chonic fatigue for quite a while but it is something that goes away eventually you just need to take care of your self and it is something that can come back if you let yourself get to run down. Just do what you have to do at the moment and focus on getting better sleep if you need to I know it is a really hard thing to live with I had it for a while as well.

Sorry this isn't really a great reply but I'm not feeling great to day I'll answer properly when I can.

nath