I want to move schools but I can't, how do I cope with this?

[Steph130613]

Hello, I am a year 8 student and I wish to move schools, but due to my situation I am unable to....

I go to a strict Catholic unisex school and I hate it here.... I dread going to school and I get anxiety every time someone mentions school. I am fine with my friends and I don't get bullied, but the school has a lot of problems. The school is extremely homophobic, the teachers are not nice or helpful, the marking system is bad, the people aren't the nicest, and the rules and punishments are unreasonable. I feel very unhappy and unsafe here.. I feel like ever since I joined this school my mental health and overall wellbeing has declined and I want to transfer but I can't.

I don't have the heart to tell my parents that I hate it here, and even if i tell them it will be difficult to move. First of all, my parents spent a lot of money to get me into this school (fees and uniform) and to move we would have to buy a new uniform ect. Secondly, I have a lot of good friends from that school and I really really don't to leave them behind, and they will probably get mad at me too.

Also, my sister moved from the school and she goes to a new one, but it was really hard and I feel like if I try it will be hard for them. Even if I move I want to go to a STEM program in another school for year 11&12, and I feel like if i've already settled in the new school and my parents have already bought the uniform, it will be a waste because I'm moving in year 11&12.

My only hope is to leave in year 11, either going to that STEM school I mentioned earlier (It's very selective so I might not get in.) Or the school my sister goes to now, because when I'm in year 11 she will be in Uni and I can just take her uniform so my parents don't have to buy a whole new uniform....

But its still 3 more years of this hell hole, and there is nothing I can do... how should I cope?

Sorry for being negative in this post and thank you very much.. : )

[jess334]

Hi Steph,

Welcome to the forum.

I'm sorry you are at a school that doesn't suit you. It sounds like you feel really stuck there.

If your friends are true friends they won't stay angry at you for leaving. There are so many ways to keep in touch with them outside of school.

If your sister has changed schools already, your parents are probably already aware that the school you go to isn't great.

They are probably leaving you there because they think you want to be there! Please talk to them about your concerns. They can always sell your uniform second hand and get some money back.

It isn't worth spending another 3 years miserable because you wish you had spoken up sooner.

Kind thoughts, Jess

[Aaronsis]

Hey Steph 130613

Welcome to the forum and I am going to respond to you from my “parent” viewpoint here ... my daughter is also in year 8 , she has had her share of experiences at Hugh school so to read your story really pulled at my heart strings... what would I want my daughter to do?

I would want her to tell me how she is feeling, how the school is effecting her mental health and what outcome she would like. I would want her to be open and honest and come to me to share this with me.

Money will come and go in life, sure it is a big part of life however, your mental health is paramount, it is essential that you are happy and do what you need to do to ensure that the things you do today make for a happy and healthy Steph 130613 tomorrow. School plays a very large part of our development. Not just education but how we view others, how we feel about ourselves, how we form relationships and how we navigate other people and friendships... it can be a wonderful experience just as it can be a horrendous experience.

My advice to you would be to speak to your parents openly and honestly... maybe if you feel too overwhelmed to do this you could write them a letter and sit with the whole they read it.

Make a commitment today to you.. to stand up for you and your happiness.

We are here to support you and to listen and to let you know we care.

Wishing you even best wish Steph 130613, you are stronger than you know.

Hugs

Sarah

[Steph130613]

Hello

I told my mum tonight and she is fine with me transferring, but we are not sure with my dad, he is coming home tomorrow from work, so now I'm just making a list of things to convince him to let me leave. I am so thankful for you two because you are the ones who pushed me to tell my mum... Wish me luck aha.

Thank you very much.

[jess334]

Hi Stef,

That's great news! I'm so glad that you decided to talk to your parents and that your mum listened to you.

Good luck with your Dad.

Kind thoughts, Jess

[Aaronsis]

This is fantastic news Steph130613

I am so proud of you for speaking up and talking to your mum. I hope that this has also strengthened your relationship and given you some courage to continue to talk to her in the future.

Things don’t always go the way that we role play them out in our head and you have found this out. I am so pleased your mum heard you and that you will be able to move schools. I wish you every success in a great outcome with your dad. I am sure that when you have your list compiled and he can see how serious you are and the thought and the reasoning behind it he will be open to discuss this with you. All the very best with this.

I am so proud of you, well done for reaching out to your mum, I hope this continues in your life moving forward and you can know your mum is there for you and on your team.

Hugs to you Steph130613

Sarah

[Steph130613]

Hey!!!

An update:

My dad said yes and we will be contacting the school on Monday when it opens. I will move at the start of year 9 and I will most likely be accepted because my sister goes to that school. Also, due to the coronavirus there might be compensation! And I might not have to go back to my own school for a while and do online school so everything looks great. I am now doing better and feeling much more at ease knowing that most things are sorted and are looking good...

I can never thank you enough!!!!

[Aaronsis]

Hey Steph130613

Awesome! this is such wonderful news and I am so very proud of you for digging deep and speaking to your parents, for opening up and for having this conversation with them. It was not easy for you but you did it and I hope you can see the power of communication and in not making assumptions.

The name of your post..I want to move schools but I can’t.. how do I cope with this? Well Steph I think you have just found out... you talk and you trust and you see that things really don’t turn out sometimes how you thought. You can move schools and you will ... and you can cope.

I am so proud of you and so happy for you... oh and one more thing... don’t thank us Steph.. you did this!

Well done and let us know how you go if you feel like chatting more.

Hugs

Sarah