I'm there again.

[Paulagain1234]

I'm not sure Ill come back here. Iv done it again. I'm sad and everything is grey. 

I keep coming back and seeing people struggling. I never post. It seems like there are only so many different ways for people to say they are done, but at the same time, nothing seems to fit how I'm feeling. 

I feel like Ive failed just by being here. I want to relapse. I want to pull away from everyone. I want to keep distracting myself so I don't have to even think about the mistakes I keep making. Which are mostly on purpose. 

I hope this passes, but everytime I get here I just feel like Iv BSed myself out of being depressed, and it seems to hit me harder everytime it catches me. Like a constant race to out run the sadness. One I seem to never be fast enough to keep at bay for long.

Does it ever stop? Is there ever going to be a time when I just outrun the darkness? When does it end? And how do I know it's ended? I might just be the same as everyone else, but not feel strong enough to cope with the average day to day. 

 Long question short... When is enough? When can I just either be ok? Why is the dredge of day to day suffering something we are supposed to power through? And if it isn't, when do I say this is fine?

[Sophie_M]

Dear Paulagain1234,

We are grateful that you found the strength and courage to post about your struggles with the sadness. One of the things you might have noticed whilst reading through our forums is that many of our members like to help and support members who are currently struggling. This is what makes our forums so wonderful.

We understand that you keep struggling with the grey that keeps overshadowing much of what you do. We also understand that you are trying to find the internal strength to overcome the grey.

We would like for you to know that you don't have to go through it alone. Finding the strength to ask for help when help is needed is some of the greatest strength we possess. So, when the struggle becomes too overwhelming, we would encourage you to call our support service on 1300 22 4636. The line is active 24 hours per day, every day of the year, and is staffed by mental health specialists.

We would also like to encourage you to talk to your GP about setting up a mental health plan so you might be able to get several sessions with a specialist.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.