So basically i am 17 and i am still in high school, it all started off at the starting off 2018 where i done a bunch of weed with one of my friends.. from that day forward i never felt like the same person ever again, i started to have chest issues and i was stressing more than usual and i was experiencing extreme anxiety, to the point where i was scared to go watch a movie with my friends because i thought i would have a heart attack because of the loud sounds (i know sounds stupid), everything was adding up to my stress, i was doing bad in school due my head being a constant fog and my concentration was terrible as well, my own family played an enormous part in my stress, not because they weren't supportive (i do love my mother, she tries really hard to support us) but me and my older brother would always fight and every time he was around me i would just crumble into a dark pit of misery, I just could never EVER get close with my brother, for some reason i just want to be as far away from him as possible, to the point where i don't want to ever see his face again, and i am not feeling this way because of hatred but because of the absolute fear that i will end up like him... sad, depressed, and miserable. I thought my life would never be the same.
So around the mid 2018 mark i started to notice something, nothing around me felt real, i started to get paranoid over the fact that everything around me was a either a simulation or I entered an alternate universe or something (paranoia is a scary thing), but after i while i was told that because of the massive amount of stress i was under my brain wanted a way out, so the only way it could do that was by locking itself in a cage, basically i was feeling this way because my brain had enough and wanted to escape. So this took a long time to recover on but we now reach the starting of 2019 when i finally think my life is coming back together again and I'm at the point where i am finally at peace with myself and my thoughts. That's until me and family found out that my brother is now suffering with cancer, this is so hard for me to handle because he thinks I am the only rational person he could talk to (because of the chemo he has suffered some manic episodes), the weird thing is, is the fact that i feel as though i feel nothing anymore, just yesterday my brother sad on his bed and cried in agony and i didn't even know what to feel. I wasn't angry, i wasn't happy, i wasn't sad....I just don't know anymore.
