I'm Looking For A Girlfriend

[Mario_Sonic]

Hey everyone. Liam here. I'm 20, soon to be 21, um, the reason I'm posting here is, if anyone doesn't know, I've been trying to get more friends, and after a long time of debating, I realise now that I want a girlfriend, to date, but NOT to have sex with. I want to make that very clear. What I want in a girlfriend is I want someone to hang out with as a very close friend, sort of like my male best friend, I want this girl to be able to come with me to family gatherings or when we visit family, I want someone chatty but also gentle, soft and sweet at the same time, and finally, and this is the most important one, I want to be able to receive hugs from this girl whenever I can.

[Mario_Sonic]

Hey guys. Liam here. Um so as you guys may know I had a girl mate who was everything I wanted in a girl. Someone who I could hang out with in a similar vein to my best friend, someone who I could chat to, and most importantly someone who could hug me when I needed it. Well it’s been ages since I’ve heard from her. I know she works a lot and she doesn’t get on well with her parents, but I feel like she’s ghosting me…after all that time I spent, trying to find a girl mate, I feel like I’ve lost it…and besides, I will admit, I might be a bit…obsessed with this whole girl mate thing but I just really feel like I need that special person in my life. Let me break it down for you guys.

1. I want a girl who I can have as a close friend and maybe date, if possible, but I’ll cross that bridge when I get there, however I DO NOT, want to have sex with this girl. I’m going to make that very clear!!

2. In terms of personality, I want this girl to be soft, gentle, kind, loving and sweet, but also chatty at the same time.

3. I want this girl to be able to come with me to family gatherings, or at least, be able to meet my family, not just my Nan and Pop, but my aunt, uncles, and cousins who by the way, two of them have a girlfriend and boyfriend respectively.

4. This is the big one. As someone who suffers from nightmares and emotional breakdowns, I want this girl to be able to hold and hug me when I’m sad or upset or crying, I want her to be able to comfort me with lots of physical and verbal comfort, as well as endearments…

Guys…I don’t know what more I can do…I’ve tried everything…but I don’t want to give up… *Crying* 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Liam

[Mario_Sonic]

Okay so update, I heard from her but if I’m being honest, I just don’t feel like I have that connection to her…

[white knight]

Hi, Liam, welcome

This topic is interesting and I can see why you haven't found the ideal person for you to satisfy your needs.

Let's say that of all the common needs of people are in a circle. The moment our own needs dont fall into that circle we can categorise as over the boundaries of "normal". Now some of these uncommon things are unique and ok like having your own unique hobby you made yourself or unique writing abilities or art. But some will not assist you to fulfill your needs because it involves other people that live within that circle.

When we deal with other humans that live within that circle of common behaviour or desires our own unique needs wont fit like a glove and it needs to in order to develop a normal love life. This is where I see your issue. All ladies out there that desire a lover, a person to fall in love with, would want a sexual relationship as part of the package. To find a "friend" that fits all your criteria but does not include sex and you'll no doubt in my mind, might attract ladies but they wont remain long in your future. 

I wonder, why is it (broadly speaking)that you do not want a sexual relationship. Is it worry about performance, a physical issue and if so a GP is the person to seek out. 

Because this issue is devastating to you and we here are peer advisors that rely on lived experience and our experiences are likely not to fall into the same issues, I highly recommend a counsellor of GP recommendation to a psychologist. Again I mention, it doesnt mean you are mad or irrational over all, it could be that you have fallen into a sort of unrealistic method of thinking what a relationship entails for most of people, thereby limiting your scope for a chance at a companion and more importantly, that companions ongoing happiness.

By all means reply and we can continue to talk and other might also chip in with ideas.

"I've been labelled quirky, it's not that bad really, but too different separates me from reality and limits me in a human society..."

I hope you are otherwise well.

TonyWK

[Mario_Sonic]

Hey man. I don’t want to have a sexual relationship with a girl because I feel like sexual stuff is disgusting in my opinion.

[white knight]

I understand and accept your feelings. However that leads me back to why most girls wont want a partner with that view and I'd still urge you to seek some clarity of that with a counsellor. Cheers

TonyWK

[Mario_Sonic]

Thx man.