I have depression, avoidant personality disorder, selective mutism and i need help

[bornto_]

Hello, here is a backstory so readers have some understanding of my situation.

When i started high school my 2 best friends left me and this put me into a deep hole of depression. In year 5 i was terrified of going to high school, i broke down in tears thinking about moving to high school. I had 2 best friends that were coming with me to the same high school so i was reasurred that i would have them. The first day of high school was good, my freinds were there for me and everything was normal but over the next 2 days things started to get bad. They started to ignore me and leave me out of stuff and the next day one of them outright told me to go away.

This started my depression, avoidant personality disorder and selective mutism. After that happened i would sit by myself away from people in recess and lunch. I began being silent, i wouldnt speak to anyone especially the students, if i had to i would speak to the teacher. People ignored me, even the teachers, i feel invisible, non-existent and nobody cares about me.

I am currently in year 10 and nothing has changed. I have not left my house for 2 years except to go to school. I take days off school because of how depessed i feel, i hate going to school just to be ignored. I have no one to talk to except my family and i havent told them about my depression and other issues becasue im scared it will ruin our relationship, but im sure that my close family members can tell because i dont leave the house except to go to school.

One person did often come sit next to me in recess and lunch over 5 months and i built some what of a relationship with them. I trusted this person enough to send them a message opening up about everything and they never talked or messaged me for 3 weeks after that, all it would have took was for them to ask me if i was ok or to show that they cared.

I dont know what to do anymore, i need help but i dont know where to get it. I dont want to speak to a school councellor because being at school gives me anxiety and i cant open up at school. I just want to be confident again and be able to do whatever without feeling judged for everything i do, because its having an impact on my education. I dont want to care about what other people think of me, and i want to live my life to the fullest but theses issues are restricting me so much and its impossible to change anything by myself.

[Hope_for_the_best]

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. If you don't feel comfortable with talking to the school counsellor, have you considered talking to a counsellor off-campus? Perhaps you can try talking to a counsellor over the phone, so you don't stress about going to somewhere if you don't feel comfortable. Beyond Blue, Kids Helpline and eHeadspace have telephone lines which you can talk to a counsellor for free. Some allow you to talk to the same counsellor each time. They also have online chats if you are more comfortable with that.

Since this is affecting your life, have you consulted your doctor? Your doctor can prescript you medication and/or refer you to a psychologist. There is a mental health care plan that allows you free sessions over a calendar year.

Hope this helps and get well soon.

[bornto_]

I havent been to the doctor about my mental health issues and i cant go there myself since im 15. The only way to go is to go with a parent and i would need to tell my mum. But i dont know how to go about bringing it up to her.

[Hope_for_the_best]

Just tell her that you need to see a doctor because you are depressed and don't feel like going to school. It is no difference from telling her that you get a flu and need to go to a doctor. Your mum loves and cares about you and she should be happy to take you to the doctor. If you really don't know how to bring that up, maybe talk to a counsellor through one of the helplines I mentioned. He/she can advice you how to do that.