i have an imaginary friend

[kebsong]

hi, so this is my first post/thing/whatever and i don't know what to say or do, so please forgive me for being awkward. i also do not know where to put this so ....

i have a pretend friend. i know she's not real. everyone involved in my life thinks she is. i have this whole story i've made up about this person; i've made up how we met, how we still talk on a frequent basis, what her personality is, what she looks like, etc, etc. it's gotten to a point where i've forgotten on certain occasions that she wasn't real - where i'd go to my contacts and wonder for a minute why her name isn't there. it didn't start out weirdly; i've always like spinning stories of people that i make up. it's something i do to keep myself in check, kind of like forced daydreaming. i've been doing this since i was a kid. but whereas i abandon the other 'stories' and make new ones, i've found myself building onto this one and making it feel real.

i am still in school and i am diagnosed (unofficially, but professionally) to have minor social anxiety and minor depression. my anxiety comes in the form of me being loud and talkative out of fear of silent judgement. i have lied and exaggerated repeatedly to my 'friends' - to the point where i had almost tore a friendship apart.

i feel like i'm finally losing my plot. my relationships with real people are crumbling amazingly fast and i'm clinging to a piece of my imagination. i just need to forget my 'friend' but i don't know how and i just need someone to tell me i'm not going insane

[Just Sara]

Hi and welcome to our caring BB community Keb;

This is certainly an interesting story hun. Unfortunately it's late and I'll be in bed soon. So I'll do my best to help if I can ok?

Apart from seeing your psych regularly, I can give my interpretation of how this may have evolved. It's not to say I'm a professional anything, but I have good instincts.

Our brains can be 'tricked' into thinking something's real if we continue to talk and think as if it was. New 'pathways' are created in our brain chemistry each time we 'believe' in something so powerfully, we make it come true, or at least it seems that way.

To undo what's happened is (probably) the same process in reverse. You'll need to discuss this with your therapist as it's a process requiring professional support. I'm hoping you've spoken to your GP about it, or have someone in your life who 'knows'? If not, my advice is to do this asap to help with recovery before adulthood hits.

You can imagine dealing with this while doing your HSC too. You'll need all your mind power to get thru exams and prepare for work or Uni.

So I hope I've helped in some way. I may check in on you tomorrow for an update. Please continue to post; we may end up being a greater support than you thought. 🙂

Be kind with yourself. I hope you have great parents too.

Warm thoughts...

Sara

[kebsong]

thanks for taking the time to read my messy post haha

it was pretty late when i wrote it, so i think i left out quite a few details. one thing is that i don't have a regular psych, as i was checked out by an ex-therapist a few years back. she left the country some time last year. HSC aren't a thing in my school either; religious schools have chaplains who aren't particularly supportive of LGBT/people who aren't actually religious. my parents are lovely, accounted for their traditional beliefs and inability to accept mental illness, LGBT, bad grades, etc. they try, of course, but it's hard to change a belief you've had for fifty years, right?
the other thing i didn't really talk about is the actual amount of lying i do everyday. even if saying the truth would be harmless, i keep choosing to say the lie. it's to the point where i suspect compulsive lying (not sure about this, since i haven't gotten it checked out before and i don't want to self-diagnose)

i'm not extremely upset about the imaginary friend thing, it's more like this unwanted factor in my life that's been pushing my anxiety and depression to a new level of high - which then leads to me lying to people more, which then ruins my relationships, which then pushes my anxiety and depression even higher. it's quite a circle of life.

i was thinking last night, actually, about the source of my little friend: would you say that it was made out of boredom or desperation for a close buddy?

to be completely honest, i'm not even sure i put this thread in the right place or if any of this makes sense lol

[james1]

Hey kebsong,

It might be a good idea to run some of these by a new psych or even your GP, because we also can't diagnose.

But your thing about lying and having an imaginary friend rings so true to me, so I thought I'd respond here.

I don't have imaginary friends, but I do daydream excessively and basically have imaginary lives. In uni and high school during holidays, there'd be days where I'd literally lie in bed from when I woke up until lunch, and "live" my alternative lives in daydreams. Then I'd have lunch, play video games which were typically some kind of fantasy role playing thing, and go to bed after dinner at maybe 10, and again daydream for another few hours living another life.

So you could say I missed out on a lot of waking hours through this.

And I also just lie constantly, whether about my weekend, or what I do, or how I meet people. I've never created a person, but I change their stories and just hope that people don't ever meet them.

I don't really have any suggestions for you unfortunately, except for the most simple one: if you catch yourself mid-lie, just say, "I'm lying", and tell the truth or change the topic if it's too hard. People will be shocked at first that you keep lying, but the good friends will stick by you. If you want to make it easier, just start doing it with family or whoever is closest to you.

And for the imaginary friend - I just basically forced myself to not daydream. It was pretty hard because then I felt mega lonely, but that pushed me back to real people.

So you're not insane. I don't know your reasons, but I never knew my own either. I just knew it was negatively impacting my life so I needed to stop it to some degree at least.

James

[Lonelydan]

Hey Kebsong, I'm trying to understand, are you identifying as gay and have invented a opposite sex partner (beard so they say) to blend in a homophobic environment. Is that the case??? I'm wondering, if it is it's all understandable. To be in a oppressive religious school and to have parents who have expressed they would not be supportive of a alternative lifestyle I can totally get it, being gay myself. Please keep posting we are all here for you and on your side. Dan...

[kebsong]

hey dan,

i'm not quite sure what the case is, really. i am a bisexual female, and i don't know why i'm flaunting a relationship with a fake girl. i think that maybe i've made her up so i could feel like i could be close friends with a girl who won't be homophobic? again, my mind's a mess and i don't know what i'm thinking.

K

[kebsong]

hey james,

i don't think you know how relieved i am to hear that i'm not the only one with such an excessive imagination. reading your post, can i ask you if you ever felt like lying was a thrill? this is where i get a bit worried about myself, because when i get this really relieved feeling when i lie and get away with it. did you ever feel like this, or am i just masochistic?

K

[james1]

Hey kebsong, I'm glad something has resonated, because sometimes I also feel like the only one. Yes, there is an adrenalin kick to lying and seeing if I will get away with it, then successfully getting away with it.

It's something I've talked to my psych about - I create all these lies and then I forget what is true and what is not. I mean, I know what is true, but I am still confused nonetheless. It's like - do I believe the lie or do I want to believe the lie? Confusing, haha!

So my psych has helped me see that I probably do create lies to create that sense of danger, because I maybe am chasing that. Hard to say why, but the clear thing is it's damaging and I need to stop.

Does anybody know that you do this?

I think for me, telling people that I do this was the biggest step towards fixing it.

James

[kebsong]

hey james, my case seems like an echo of your story, haha!

i don't really have anyone that knows about the lies i tell. it all kind links back to my anxiety, i guess? i lie about and exaggerate things so i have things to talk about.
i also don't know who to tell; the person i'm closest with, or people who aren't close enough to me for it to affect them? i can't explain it very well either. since i don't have an official psych or diagnosis, my saying that i lie a lot probably just makes me a bit of a prick.

this is kind of personal, and i understand if you don't answer, but can you pinpoint an exact time where you had begun to lie and daydream?
i find myself wondering if my lying is a side affect of my anxiety and depression.

K

[Just Sara]

Hey again Keb;

It's wonderful you've connected with these amazing people! Shout out to James and Danny!!

I'm absolutely fascinated by this topic. I love learning and these posts have enlightened me in a way that helps me understand, so I can hopefully support you better.

I identify as Bi too, so if there's something I can do to help with this issue, I'm all ears. Danny's a gem of a man who's tucked away in a little piece of my heart tbh. He's done his time in Hell as I have, so I trust his words of genuine support completely.

Being on BB is an opportunity to practice being the 'real' you in 'complete' safety as well as help to discover meaning and relevance in this habit. You're obviously articulate and write really well. It's a big plus for continuing with your journey on this site.

The beautiful thing, is finding people who understand and like James, can identify with you so you don't feel alone. And, there's bound to be people reading who're going to benefit enormously from this thread.

You're one of the bravest young people I've come across on the forum. I'm so proud of you for challenging yourself in this way and opening up about what is certainly a complex issue.

I applaud you; and James? I'm inspired, proud of you, and in awe of your capacity to give of yourself my friend. Bloody courageous both of you...

My kindest;

Sara