I feel depressed, useless, and a waste of space.

[rain01]

(My engish is not very good sorry) I'm a young female still in early years of high school. At around February this year my father left my family for another woman and completely replaced me and my mother. Im forced to see him once a week but hes so cruel to me. So home is very bad. But also recently on top of this school has become horrible, I sit alone and i am very shy and all my friends turned on me and were extremely cruel, so now im a loner. My friend from old school also committed suicide which i found out a week ago. I feel like I have no where to go. I have started to contently feel miserable, useless and no one cares about me, I feel terrible that my friend committed suicide and awful for her parents, and now im getting suicidal thoughts constantly and I feel very alone, I feel like I have no where to go. The only thing that is stopping me from committing suicide now Is knowing how my mother would feel. Almost every night I cry myself to sleep, I just want the pain to end. I wake up in the morning not knowing what the point is anymore, because after almost every day Im just going to end up in tears again. I feel so pointless in this world, It seems that no one cares that I exist or would care if i died, im extremely sad and I feel like i have depression. All I want to do is make others happy, in my past I have been naive and walked all over by others, but I still want to help others, which is so hard when dealing with all im going through. I constantly feel like if i do one small thing wrong I will let others down. I feel like a waste of space.

[Zeal]

Hi Rain,

Welcome to the forum. I love your profile image!

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend, and for the hurt you've experienced as a result of your father leaving.

Depression is horrid because it makes people think and feel terrible things about themselves and about life. It does sound as though you have depression. The suicidal thoughts are concerning, so please seek help. Talk to your Mother, as having her understand your situation is very important. Your Mother can help you make an appointment with a doctor (GP) at a local clinic. Perhaps print out the text you posted above and bring that to the appointment.

If you need to speak to someone at any time, you can call the 24 hour beyondblue helpline on 1300 22 4636. Kind and friendly mental health professionals answer these calls.

You sound like a lovely caring person who deserves to be happy. I really hope the support of a friendly doctor and your Mum helps 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

[geoff]

hello Rain, your story really upsets me, and please excuse me as I'm 61 years of age, but that doesn't matter one bit for the concern I have for you.
Are in a position to tell your dad that you don't want to see him, because by him being cruel to you means that you have a definite reason why you don't want to see him, because it must be frightening and make you feel scared, and along with these it would create anxiety and the possibility of being depressed, so if this is how you feel tell your mum that you don't want to see him, you have every right to say this and don't be frightened in doing this.
I am terribly sorry to hear that your friend has passed away and no matter what age anyone is to lose someone they are really friendly with or perhaps love them, is such a shock and there is a period where you can't believe that it has actually happened.
Now because your mum hs lost her husband to another lady would be devastating for her and the same would happen if you decided to end your life, she would be so lost and her battle to keep her head above water and get on with her life would be so difficult.
You seem to be a lovely girl when you say you help other people, because that's the type of person you are, but unfortunately it's not reciprocated, so you can't let these other girls walk all over you, because that's also making you feel alone and depressed, but I'm not able to diagnose you a doctor has to do that, and that's something that you need to ask your mum that you want to go to the doctors.
As the year is getting close to the end of year, have you considered moving to another high school, if this can happen, plus see a psychologist and not see your dad then you hopefully will start to feel better.
I do hope that we can hear back from you. Geoff.

[ahw309]

Hi rain01,

I'm so sorry for all the hurt and pain you're experiencing. I know you feel like a waste of space, or that no one cares, but this isn't true. No one is useless or a waste of space - I hope you can remember this. You have many amazing qualities! You're so kind and caring, as despite what you're feeling, you still have the desire to help people, and that is such a great thing. But as well as looking after other people, you need to look after yourself! It can be hard, and this is something I often struggle with, but it's really, really important to be good and kind to yourself, just as you want to be with others!

Take care, and I hope you can tell your mum and get an appointment with a GP, as you really deserve to be happy!

[rain01]

Thank you so much for the support, this is helpful 🙂

[Zeal]

You are very welcome Rain 🙂 We are here to offer advice based on our own personal experiences and other knowledge we've gained over the years. I hope you keep using this forum as a safe space to talk!