I dont know who i am anymore

[Unicorndogge]

Lately i just feel like i am getting dragged along not doing anything useful. The thing is i am pretty much useless, my anxiety is bad i cant even do what most other people can do my age and now i just have no motivation to learn because i know i will stuff it up or not go anywhere with it. I dont have a job, i dont study anymore and now that i am living with my nan its like i feel trapped even though i was in a worse position at home with my dad smoking weed with most of my inheritance money. I don't know what i am good at, liking something is not enough anymore because i know that i will be alone forever.

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi there Unicorndogge,

I came across your thread and the pain you're experiencing sounds really scary for you. I know you have seen a GP previously and had your urine and pregnancy test cleared but if the pain continues, you may want to revisit a GP and explain that you are still having pain and are feeling incredibly stressed and worried.

Another option could be to contact HealthDirect where a nurse will go through your symptoms with you and offer you some advice on what to do.

You can call HealthDirect and find their number here. There is also a symptom checker if you would prefer to this online. https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/

Having stress and worry can often make even the slightest pain feel worse and sometimes worry can cause stomach pain in itself. Getting another health check is important to help relieve your worry and stress.

If you feel comfortable, you might talk with your Nan about your ongoing stomach pain as well. When your having pain, using the support around you can help you get through this tough time. Having unknown pain can be scary and having someone to listen to you and often you care can make a big difference.

Keep us posted on how you are going today.

Sending you strength,

Nurse Jenn

[Tay100]

Hi Unicorndogge

I'm sorry to hear that you were having a stressful time yesterday- how are you travelling?

I highly recommend you check out Nurse Jenn's advice too- or even go direct to your GP. Get your Nan on board if you feel that it would help. Take it easy- drink water and rest up!

Tay100

[Unicorndogge]

Hey nurse jenn

It ended up to be my period pains which i never get but as soon as i got my period no more pain which is pretty weird for me but its good i dont have to worry about that anymore on top of all the other things i have to worry about like getting a job and being able to drive well enough so i dont look like a complete failure when christmas comes.

[Unicorndogge]

Hey tay

Not good at all, i am back to where i started expect this time i am blocking out all the pain. I havent seen my only friend in like two weeks and he doesnt want to talk to anyone apparently. So maybe his not doing well or just doesnt like me anymore, i cant see what i have done wrong though. Maybe its because he doesnt want me getting so attached to him but he cant take all the things we have done together back, like why have sex with me then tell me you only like people who you have known long. I thought he liked me but nope he wanted to be my friend because he felt sorry for me. Now i am just a lonely piece of junk again. I havent been sleeping well either, i just cant get myself to stop tjinking about things.

[Guest_4643]

Hey Unicorndogge, I hope I'm not intruding.

It's so good to hear from you, I've been worried about you (don't feel bad, I'm just a caring person). I'm glad you're back.

How have you been going?

- Tayla

[therising]

Hi Unicorndogge

I'm glad you got to the bottom of what was causing you so much pain (period pain). Wondering if anyone has given you any way to cope with the pain next time around.

I'm so sorry to hear how poorly your friend is treating you. Sometimes people just don't know how to treat us thoughtfully. It can leave us feeling as though there's something wrong with us. In fact, we can be the same amazing person we've always been, it's them who has changed.

Wondering how your pen pal's going. Have you been communicating with him much these days? If not, maybe it's time to get in touch with him and have a few wonderful conversations, such as wondering (together) about why life can feel like a challenge sometimes, what kind of movies you'd like to see come out at the cinemas, why is the sky blue, what gives flowers their perfume. There are so many things to wonder about, it's always great if you can find people who wonder as much as you.

Don't feel too pressured to get your license. As I tell my 18 year old daughter, only get it if you feel there's a need to, otherwise keep traveling in the ways you're happy to. Also, it's expensive, running a car. Don't let anyone pressure you. You'll feel when the time is right for you to get it.

It can definitely be stressful and/or deeply saddening when we're up in our head, doing nothing but thinking, 24/7. Can you think of any activities you can 'ground' yourself in? I find nature to be a great way of grounding myself. I can get out into nature and do nothing but have a pure sensory experience: Pay full attention to the sounds of the birds, feel the breeze and the way it touches my skin, take in the aroma of a variety of plants etc. I believe there are such things as nature groups, where people get together to share this kind of experience. If you have access to a reasonably good camera, this is a bonus (capturing the beauty around you).

🙂

[Unicorndogge]

Hey therising

I never get period pains but its probably got to do with having sex on my last period ( which was my first time, which does make me look bad i will admit )it must of delayed it a bit.

I figured out today he blocked me so all this stuff he has said and done with me was a lie, in fact he basically used me so i was really angry at what he did i honestly felt like going over there and punching him. This keeps happening everytime, i doesnt matter who it is the result is always the same. I also feel like i have been stupid and reckless to believe all this the whole time.

I have been talking to my penpal, more reccently to, in fact not long ago, i told him everything that has happened and he was really nice about it all he even told me that we could video call if i wanted to. I was scared about what he would think about me after telling him this but he really is a nice friend. Its been more then 6 months now and we are still talking to each other, i wish i could meet him one day and become real life friends, if only i could go to russia.

I wouldnt say i am a “very grounded person.“ i am more of a daydreamer or thinker, maybe thats a good thing or maybe its a bad thing i dont know but i find that you can get the best ideas from just being in your own head as long as everything else is in the back of my mind but lately that hasnt been the case. I havent been drawing great because i just dont have the focus. My penpal is actually a good photographer maybe i will have to ask him about this sort of stuff

Unicorndogge

[therising]

Hi Unicorndogge

Even though it was some decades ago, I can still remember how poorly my first intimate partner treated me. I really cared deeply about him and he never cared as much. He was actually quite horrible to me. I can relate to how heartbreaking this can feel. Their behaviour is a reflection on them while the lesson is ours to learn from. A tough lesson for sure. We still remain beautiful people in the process of learning, that's for sure.

If daydreaming was a career, I'd get paid a fortune, so I know where you're coming from. I also get some of my best ideas through daydreaming. I find inspiration comes through far more easily when my mind is in this state. I would say it's like kind of like relaxing the brain enough to 'tune in' to a channel where things come though quite easily. You've actually reminded me, through speaking of daydreaming, how little I've been doing it lately. This probably explains why I've been feeling a little more stressed these days. I am grateful to you. Daydreaming is actually a fascinating study. Read an article about it not too long ago which was seriously interesting. It spoke of certain parts of the brain that light up in people while they're daydreaming in an MRI machine, parts of the brain that typically involve invention and revelation. The article also spoke of some of the greatest minds in history who were serious daydreamers. Such people changed the world in amazing ways.

I'm glad you've stayed in touch with your pen pal. Having people in our life who can ground us out of self doubt an into recognising the best in our self is so incredibly important. Having someone to remind us that we are better than the poor behaviour we've faced from others is important. He sounds like a lovely guy.

Again, don't doubt how beautiful and amazing you are based on someone else's poor behaviour. Imagine if everyone in the world was as beautiful and amazing as you, the world would be packed with beautiful amazing people, with great ideas and the ability to see the best in each other. Everyone would be kind and thoughtful. Imagine that.

🙂

[Unicorndogge]

Hey therising

I just feel stuck like nothing is ever going to change. For starters i was promised a job this month and that doesnt look like its going to happen. I am just angry on the inside I think because I have gone back to square one and it’s going to take ages to get myself back. I feel like what has happened was particularly my fault since I did encourage this sexual stuff although I had no idea that he actually wanted to go through with it. I let myself get away and now I have to find myself again but it seems impossible. I have No motivation at all ro do anything and i dont think that will change unless something gets better.

If i didnt have my penpal, i wouldnt know what i’d do. So i thank him for all the support his shown me about this he really is a kind person, i want to meet him one day. Although he isnt a replacement for a real friend i guess his good enough for the time being.

Also lately i have started drinking, this is out of character for me but i guess I am just bored and i dont know what to do with myself. To honest i have no clue anymore 😞

[Guest_4643]

Hi Unicorndogge, how are you going?