I dont know who i am anymore

Unicorndogge · ‎12-08-2020

Lately i just feel like i am getting dragged along not doing anything useful. The thing is i am pretty much useless, my anxiety is bad i cant even do what most other people can do my age and now i just have no motivation to learn because i know i will stuff it up or not go anywhere with it. I dont have a job, i dont study anymore and now that i am living with my nan its like i feel trapped even though i was in a worse position at home with my dad smoking weed with most of my inheritance money. I don't know what i am good at, liking something is not enough anymore because i know that i will be alone forever.

Unicorndogge · ‎28-08-2020

I just talked to my russian penpal but he probably thought i was weird. Who would like me? I stuffed it up now he hates me. I am never good enough, he was my only friend now i have probably lost him. Why am i so unlovable? I just want to fix this and say sorry but he probably doesnt want to talk to me now. All these months i have texted with him then i called and that was my stupid idea and he actually wanted to do it too but now he might not want to talk to me at all. What would i do without him? His the only good thing i have right now. I dont want to lose him.

Ggrand · ‎28-08-2020

Hello Unicorndogge...

Its so nice to hear from you....Thank you for keeping us updated on what’s happening for you..

Not sure if I’m understanding you...Is this the first time you’ve actually spoken to you pen pal?...

I notice in your words dear Unicorn that you’re saying probably a lot..which tells me that your anxiety is talking for you...Sweety, I can’t see anything wrong in ringing him...I think in my opinion that that would have taken a lot of courage to do that...and I’m sure your penpal would probably be delighted to hear from you..

You have been chatting with him now for quite a few months..and he keeps replying to you all these months, in my eyes means that he enjoys talking to you and likes your conversations you have with him...

Anxiety makes us think the worse case scenario, in our lives...keeps making you second guess yourself...Can you msg him and let him know how scared you feel about loosing his friendship...and how much his friendship means to you and how lost you will be without it..It might help to settle your anxious negative thoughts ..

Kind wishes with my care..

Grandy..

Unicorndogge · ‎29-08-2020

Hi grandy

I talked to him yesterday over the phone originally it was his idea but we never went through with it. Then i dont know what went through my head, so i asked if i could call him and he said that he wanted to. I didnt have the courage to call him myself so he ended up doing it. I couldn't come down the whole time, i was laughing and just acting weird. I dont know how he sayed so calm, he was exactly the way he was over text which was surprising to me. It was a bit awkward our call he was trying to encourage me to speak but i just couldn't seem to get much out of my mouth. He told me that he wanted to help me calm down. After we were done speaking i sat there crying and i couldnt get bad thoughts out of my head. I wish they would just go away. I told him that i was sorry for messing it up but he didnt even bother about it. He is so nice too nice. To be talking to me for this long he must really like me.

Unicorndogge · ‎11-09-2020

Am i not worthy enough?

Is that why everyone is better then me.

Why cant i be as good as them?

I will never be like them

I still be the same forever

Sophie_M · ‎11-09-2020

Hey Unicorndogge, thanks for reaching out on the Beyond Blue forum today. It sounds like today is a particulary difficult one for you. Has anything happened recently that has got you feeling down?

It might be helpful to reach out in moments like this when you're feeling overwhelemed. If you're are up to it, we'd suggest reaching out to Kidshelpline on 1800 55 1800 or via webchat through the following link: https://www.kidshelpline.com.au/. We’d also welcome you to reach out to our Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport.

We'd also like to suggest some helpful artices from the ReachOut website that might provide you some tips for coping with difficult feelings:

We hope that you keep checking back in and let us know how you are going when you feel up to it. We're all here for you.

Ggrand · ‎11-09-2020

Hello Unicorndogge...

You are so worthy...your penpal has proven that to you by wanting to help you...He sounds like he cares a lot for you..

Sweetheart...You do the very best that you can..and that’s all we can do...It doesn’t matter if others are better then you..?What matters is that you try...and you or no one can do any better then try...Please..try hard to never compare yourself to anyone else..You are a unique person, who is cared for by your pen pal, your loved ones, me and others here on BB...You are the only one of you in this entire world..you have a beautiful heart and gentle soul...A one of a kind..and that’s really amazing if you think about it...

Unicorn, Time changes everything as you get older you will still be you...I like who you are..and I hope that your personality doesn’t change...you may become more aware of the world and people in it as you get older..but you will still be you...and that’s beautiful to stay you..

I am sorry I didn’t answer your post earlier...I have been a bit down... slowly picking up now...and here for you Dear Unicorn.....Dragons, fairies, unicorns are my favourite fantasy animals...Do you like unicorns?,,,

My kindest thoughts with my care..

Grandy.l

Unicorndogge · ‎12-09-2020

Hi grandy

I cant do a simple thing and just walk in and get a job. Everyone else can why cant i?

Why do i cry everytime i go to try to get a job?

Maybe its because i dont want one

But what is the reason for a job?

I will only get money

I will still be alone

No better then i already am

I am confused

My russian friend likes me but why, i dont understand when everyone else hates me

The more i talk to him the more attracted to him i get

His naturally sweet thats why, not just because i am special

Then i get jealous because i know he is better then me

I am starting to think i am too boring for him

I like him to much, i have started fantasizing about meeting him

Soon i will turn into a monster

Should i just stop talking to him?

Hayley

Yes i like unicorns

Unicorndogge · ‎13-09-2020

Why would anyone like me

Everything is a lie

Its better if i was alone because thats all i can be alone

Can't be what anyone else wants me to be like

Even if i did get a job i still wouldnt be good enough for other people to like me

i will just be ignored and rejected again after again

Sophie_M · ‎13-09-2020

Hey Unicorndogge, thanks for continuing to reach out here. We're so sorry to hear how lonely and hopeless you are feeling at the moment. Please know that we value your presence here on the forums and think you're so strong for reaching out when you need it. What kind of job do you think you'd like to perform? When making friends what sort of characterisitics do you look for? Please remember that the Beyond Blue Support Service is available anytime on 1300 22 4636 or Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport.

Please check in and let us know how you are whenever you feel up to it.

Ggrand · ‎13-09-2020

Hello Unicorn.

Getting a job..if you want one will change you’re life..

You get to meet and work with people, talking and interacting with people and you never know maybe you will find your best friend at work...The money you earn could buy you a car, nice clothes, time out with your work mates, saving up for something that you really want to buy for yourself...

Unicorn...Why do you think people won’t like you and will ignore you and why do you feel that everything is a lie?....no pressure to answer those questions...I am just curious...I mean..how could they not like you or ignore you if they haven’t even met you yet....most people are kind, a lot of people are lonely and would love a new friend...

Maybe join a group of some kind that interests you, drawing, painting, reading, computer...most libraries run courses on learning the computers...Something and somewhere where you can meet new people...

Unicorn..,you are you hun..you can’t change who you are for any one...You need to be true to yourself...

Sending you my care and kindness..

Grandy...