I don't know who I am

[thehauntisbeautiful]

hello - im thehauntisbeautiful

im a creative - a human who has always known who they are

but lately I've been losing that aspect to myself..

I was set on a username, a name to represent me for the longest time. I was happy - but the name involved my last name, and due to family issues with my fathers side - being associated with the name really brings me out of place.

To have used that username for years - to not use it, feels weird. but I almost don't want to use it anymore anyway.

I've tried a new username - and I do really like it. It still has similar aspects to the last but is a complete new name all together - not involving my birth names.

I do really like it - but now I feel like I'm letting my mums side of the family down. I feel the need to use my first and middle name - instead of creating a whole entire new name for myself.

Ever since I was a teenager, I would always be trying to create the right username, and I did - but I can't use it anymore - and now I am back to square one.

I feel like an idiot - since I changed all my social media platforms to my new username - and I might change it back to my original name and middle name.

I love my new name I've made for myself - but I also feel like its foreign and nobody will truly know its me.

letting my mums family down, by them seeing me not using my original name really hurts me.. I don't want that.

I am just so confused.

I look at other people all using their real names on social media and it makes me feel guilty for not using mine.

what do I do guys. I am so confused. identity is everything to me.

[geoff]

Hello thehauntisbeautiful, and welcome to the forums.

I understand what you are saying, however, it's a depression site and most people don't want anyone to know that they have posted a comment.

If you read 'The forum FAQ thread' it says 'If you wish to retain your anonymity, then choose a name that is unique to this forum and not traceable to other websites or social
media channels.'

A depression site is different than 'facebook' or any of the other social apps because how we are feeling in difficult times which may last for months maybe years like it did for me, but when I joined that was 17 years ago and I had overcome my depression and the rules were different to what they are today, which are much better.

If you want you can get in touch with Beyond Blue by email or ring 1300 22 4636.

Hope this has helped.

Geoff.

[thehauntisbeautiful]

my username
"thehauntisbeautiful" isn't my username.. its just my username for this site..

I just didn't know how to introduce myself so I used my fake username to introduce myself.

I know this site is different to Facebook - which Is why I didn't use my name.

I relied on this site to help me get through my confusion of who I am.

I know I'm simply talking about usernames - and it seems shallow. but its actually taking a toll on my mental health since I have the need to please everyone - and my anxiety is getting the best of me in every situation.

maybe I wasn't clear enough - but - I'm just going through an identity crisis.. I don't know how else to explain. I know its stupid haha

[quirkywords]

Welcome thehauntisbeautiful,

I do not thin it is shallow at all , as names form our identity and are part of who we are. Whne I chose my name for here I thought about it for quite a long time and even though it had nothing to do with my real name I wanted it to reflect who I was.

You were clear this means a lot to you and is causing you anxiety.

I can see you think about things and also want to please others and don't like letting others down.

I understand why you are confused . Do you think you could try to use the name you have chosen just for this forum knowing you are using the other name elsewhere. .? I am sure your mums family will understand.

It is not stupid to be concerned about a name . I can see how important it is to you.

for explaining yourself so well.

Quirky

[geoff]

Hello thehauntisbeautiful, I really didn't want to make you unhappy, as I know you wanted to be known and that I now can be very difficult, especially when you are trying to get something through to people you don't know.

Many have been confused, depression causes this, where it makes us feel stranded on a small island with no one to talk to and definitely no one who understands us.

Just take a step back and realise that all of us have been on that island but have now been lucky enough to join other people who know and understand what we are trying to say.

Please feel welcomed.

Geoff.