How to make friends at university??

[Charlie_95]

I am 21, in my second year of uni. I live on campus and I am having a hard time trying to make friends. I have a boyfriend who also lives on my campus which is great because he is someone I have to hang out with a lot. But I feel like he is my only friend here. Last year, two of my closest friends lived with me (on campus) but they have moved away so I no longer see them.

I just want to find a group of like-minded people I can hang out with - binge watch tv shows, eat junk food, gossip, the usual type of thing you can do with friends. I have attended so many social gatherings and I've gone out with people from my campus. But i haven't bonded with any of them! Under the influence of alcohol, it is so much easier to befriend others - but the next day when there's no alcohol, it's not as easy! And I hate that! I used to find myself being really confident with making new friends. I had a gap year where I went to Europe alone and made so many wonderful friends (who sadly live on the other sides of the worlds...) It is so depressing and unhealthy not having friends to be around all the time.

I don't really know what to do and how to find friends??

Kind regards,

Charlie

[Zeal]

Hi Charlie,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm also at university. There are nice people I talk to at uni when I'm on-campus, but I don't socialise with them outside of uni. I met my current group of friends in January last year through my best friend (who I've known since early primary school). One of the guys in this group is now my boyfriend. I'm glad you spend time with your boyfriend - that's also my main social interaction. I do understand the benefit of having other friends though. Two of my closest friends also moved away (both at the start of this year). I talk to them online and see them when they come back to visit.

Does your boyfriend have uni friends he's close to? Maybe you could spend time with your boyfriend and his friends sometimes. You could also meet friends outside uni - maybe at part-time work, volunteering or other activities. I have personally found it great to meet friends through friends. My best friend has always been very social, and I have been shyer and more cautious, so she has introduced me to people over the years.

I'd like to direct you to other threads that discuss friendships. While the people's situations are different from yours, it could still help to read about their experience and see the advice they were given 🙂

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/young-people/poor-social-skills#qkoqdXHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/young-people/my-life-is-in-shambles---im-trying-to-fix-it-but-i-need-help

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/bluevoices-community/forums/young-people/i-can't-make-friends-at-uni#qfuMcXHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

It would be great to hear back from you 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

[PatT]

Hi Charlie,

I've just finished uni and made very few friends the entire time I was there. I have a pretty big social circle otherwise and have never really had trouble but at uni it was just a different scenario. I was always really envious of all the people there that just seemed to get on automatically but I suppose it's just easier for some people. Are there any social clubs at your uni that you could jump into? I know a lot of my mates made lots of friends through sporting clubs and interest clubs. If there's anything you're passionate about or something new you're willing to try maybe you should really consider it.

I made a couple of friends at uni just by being grouped into an assignment with them and forcing myself to speak to them. Still talk even though that subject was 18 months ago. I think sometimes it's just really making yourself put in the effort to step outside of your comfort zone. People are generally reluctant to open up a dialogue when you appear closed up. Maybe just making the first few steps could do it?

[Narniakid]

Hey Charlie, firstly welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out to us.

Making friends - actual, quality friends - is a hard thing to do, so well done on being able to do so overseas while you were in Europe. As I'm not at uni myself, I can't give a first-hand opinion, but I have watched my twin sister and my best friend go through uni and struggle to make friends, and I can tell you you're not alone. Particularly being shuffled around in different classes, or driving to campus from hours away, it can be hard to maintain a solid friendship outside of classwork. Uni students can also be very study-focused, and perhaps don't put in as much effort towards their friendships as they normally would.

Are there any clubs or groups on campus you could join? Maybe some volunteer work or community groups? I am part of a number of groups and organisations, and they're a fantastic way to give back, meet new people and embrace your passions. You can also meet some fantastic people through fan groups - I've met some of my closest friends through Twitter talking about our favourite musicians, and then I'd even get to meet them at concerts. If you find some common ground with a person, rather than just the fact you're attending the same university, then it can be much easier to connect with them.

Crystal

[DanThaman]

Whats worked for me is joining clubs. I joined one of the sports clubs and have already met a ton of new people. It's great because we all share a common interest and enjoy the same sport. The truth is, nobody's going to knock on your door asking you to be their friend, becoming friends and quality friends takes effort. Start by talking to your club peers, you'll then start to get to know other peoples interests and can build up from there. Perhaps you'll find some people you can really relate to and then further connections can become established. Also, dont be afraid to step out of your comfort zone a little, try and appear approachable and friendly and you'll do fine. I even qualified for Uni Games this coming month with a group of new people, dont be afraid of the unknown but try and embrace it. Be yourself and you'll attract like-minded people 🙂

[Guest_322]

Hi Charlie,

I know that I'm a little late to your thread but still wanted to post a reply. I'm also at uni 😊

Loneliness is awful and making new friends at uni can definitely be tricky.

One plus is you probably have good social skills, considering you made some wonderful friends when you were in Europe. So that's one strength you have in your corner.

I think the others gave fantastic advice on joining clubs, societies, Twitter, etc.

My 2 cents worth include (feel free to ignore them if you're already doing it/think they're silly):

- when you go to your tutorials, strategic seating is where it's at! And by that I mean, don't find yourself a nice, little corner spot away from most of your classmates (you might appear unapproachable). Sit next to or 1/2 seats away from at least one other person (for example) so you have more of a chance to talk during group discussions, etc.

- When you bump into someone from your tutorial on campus, smile and ask them casually how they're finding the course/unit. You probably won't make friends straight away this way but the idea is that you can build from this e.g. makes it easier to start a conversion during class next time, etc.

- Work on any connections (however loose) you've formed e.g. say, you've already had a 10 sentence conversation with someone in your lecture/tute. Approach them again at your next tute and lecture with a friendly "hi" (and casually sit next to them).

I can't speak for anyone else but I find those little tips tend to work for me 😊

All the best and hopefully things get better.