How do you attempt to deal with your loneliness?

[159357]

Looking for some strategies, sorry if i'm leeching.

For the most part i've adjusted to being lonely and I don't talk to me friends online like i used to, just people i don't even know on forums. I don't mind being lonely but the only thing i get super anxious about is being completely secluded, e.g no chance of contact (distance, no internet) and this has lead me to make some poor decisions with friends.

How do you guys do it?'

[Tiffany1]

Hey ewrc!

I know how you feel, I struggle with this a lot. Sometimes it gets so bad I have to go on omegle and search for people with the same interests as me! (I have very strange and niche interests so those searches do not always yield results, hahahahaha)

I find scrolling social media is incredibly unhelpful in making me feel a part of a social group. It just looks like everyone's having fun and here I am scrolling through my facebook feed. There's also people I can't stand and yet can't seem to avoid on social media. Haha.

I used to be a lot more clingy and needy as a friend, but I think it just drove people away. I found enjoying your own company helps immensely, do things for yourself on your own! Make it a fun thing!

I started becoming happier with all my relationships when I stopped taking them so seriously (ironically enough). And this might not be helpful advice for you, but being more objective about my own loneliness helped me. Then you can be upfront about it to people and say/text/message them hey I'm bored/lonely/sad/jealous, let's hang out. let's watch a movie. let's just have coffee/food. come over to my place and play video games. Share some memes. Ask someone about something they've got expertise on. Get into trending topics so that you have a wider pool of people to engage with.

Remember it's ok to feel lonely and like you're on a shitty island by yourself. but hopefully you find ways of managing this, and open yourself to some people you might not have considered friendship material before. Hope you feel better in time.

[159357]

@Tiffany

The thing about me is, i love clingy friendships. I'm extremely clingy but i hold it back when i can. The reason i like people being clingy and endorse it is because it's my fallback. If i have any doubts if they actually like me or not i can tell from their clingy-ness, and whenever someone is clingy, it makes me really happy.

@Tony

Thank's for the helpful thread. I also seem to have those particularities with people, even though it may be hypocritical of me. I'm so clingy it can be taken as controlling, which causes some problems, has that happened to you?

[white knight]

Yes it has happened that a few friends have felt smothered by my need for regular contact.

But, as I gave a controlling mother I have fought hard to NOT be like her. But as we know, if it's in our make-up its part if us and no point fighting it too much.

Ive lost a school friend a few years ago (I'm 60yo so its a long time) because he wouldn't ring me...it was in my eyes a one way friendship. However when I pressured him about it he got angry and spelt out the reasons why...eg he had an I'll aged mother, he worked long hours, had two young children and a possessive wife. Had I realised all thus I wouldn't have mentioned it. Our friendship dropped away regardless but its a good example if having too high expectations.

Another concern with possessiveness is balance of attention. You can google thus thread I started for some good reading-

Topic: the weighing scale effect on friendships- beyondblue

not suggesting you are that way inclined but it might be of interest.

Also

Topic: ostracised, who's fault is it?- beyondblue

By being clingy it could open you up to being vulnerable. This can come at a price. Here is why....

Topic: defending yourself, don't be an easy target- beyondblue

Hope you find it all good reading

Tony WK

[159357]

@Tony

Thanks for all the good replies. I don't think i've lost many friends due to my clingyness, though i'm only 14 so i wouldn't have had many opportunities for that to happen. These next school hoildays (the 6 week one) i've aimed to not talk to really anyone that i know i real life. It won't kill any friendships because all of mine a built some by happiness as utility. So people often come to be as a backup plan, which allows chance for friendship. Very recently (as today) i've noticed that i've been talking to a wider range of people that seem to not really push me away but seem to be undecided and try out a friendship.

Losing a friendship due to clingyness, i feel, would bring a lot of pain to the person who lost the friend as losing people that you are clingy with is hard, i couldn't imagine what it would be like to have your affection for a person be the reason to lose them.

[white knight]

Hi ewrc

you are mature beyond your years. well done

There is a balance to achieve. One that is in between over thinking these things and just being yourself and allowing your character to attract friendships naturally.

Hope you'll find that sweet spot.

Tony WK

[159357]

@Tony

I think i must've found the sweet spot very recently, which is why i manage to speak to people as they're less hostile because school is almost over and exams are finished. Thanks for all your time, it's helped me grow my repository of knowledge of people (anthropology??). Good Luck and enjoy life!