How can I help my friend?

[Maree97]

My best friend was diagnosed with depression early last week, and since then I've rarely seen her. She doesn't go to school before recess, and she usually leaves before lunch. She hasn't gone to any history classes at all so she's very behind in school and doesn't look like she's anywhere close to catching up.

I'm really worried about her. She called me half an hour ago crying because her mum is trying to force her to go to a university opening day but she doesn't want to, and I had no idea what to say or how to make her feel better. I'm her best friend, I should know how to help her but I don't.

Should I get her to come over to my house so I can help her with school stuff?
Should I call her mum and try to get her to understand?
Should I tell my mum and get help from her? (note: my Nan suffers from bipolar disorder so my mother has grown up around mental illness and knows more about it than I do)

I'm reading heaps of articles about depression and other mental illnesses online, but that's not helping. I know every body is different and that no case is the same, but can anyone give me some advice on what to do?
I'm worried.

[AGrace]

Hi Maree,

Sorry to hear about your friend, I can imagine you must be really worried for her.

If it were me I would have a chat with my mum and then get my mum to call my best friend's mum. Even if just to say that you had mentioned to her that your friend had phoned really upset, and that she's missing a lot of school, and slipping behind in her work.

It would be a good opportunity for you to find out how much your best friend's mum knows about her daughter's situation.

You could also suggest to your best friend that the 2 of you go and see the school counsellor so that your friend has an option to speak with a responsible adult and get some guidance, while feeling supported by you.

I hope this helps. Remind your friend that you are there for her whenever she wants to talk, and the most you can do is listen. There is a brochure on Beyondblue's website that deals with young people having the conversation about Depression. Got to the Resources Tab and select Young People. This might be more useful than what you've been finding online.

AGrace

[Maree97]

Thank you for replying.
I've talked to my mum and she's given me some advice, and I've told my friend she can talk to me whenever she wants.
She is seeing a psychologist and her mum knows about everything that's going on. And we would go to the school counsellors, but the problem with that is that her mum is one of the school counsellors, so my friend wouldn't be comfortable talking with them.
My mum said she'd call my friends mum and invite her over so that she can explain to her what my friend is going through.
Thank you again for helping, it means a lot

[AGrace]

That's great news Maree. It sounds like your friend has a really good friend in you.

I think it's really wise of you to get your mum involved as these things are best dealt with by an adult. You also have a lot on if you're still at school, and you don't want to take your focus off your study.

Perhaps you could offer to catch up with your friend for 15 minutes before and after school so that she has incentive to get there in the morning and stay for the full day.

It's great that she is seeing a Psychologist, and her mum being a counsellor would probably be doing everything she can for her daughter. I'm sure it's a big help though knowing that you can keep an eye on her while she is at school. Perhaps engage her in doing some fun things with you on the weekend just to give her a break from school, and a break from her depression.

Thanks for responding. Hope you will keep us updated.

AGrace

[BeeGee]

Wow, Maree, you're amazing.  You've gone to significant lengths (including signing up on BB and posting here) to look for ways to help your friend.  You obviously care a lot for her, and friendship like that is rare and more valuable than gold.

I'm not sure how old you are but I think my depression started in mid high school, so maybe a similar age to you.  If I'd had a friend like you at the time maybe I might not have had to wait another 33 years to realise that I was depressed!

Thank you for being there for her, for being so proactive about helping, and for showing wisdom beyond your years in the steps you are taking.  Your friend may not be able to show appreciation for what you are doing yet, and you might find that it gets pretty hard at times, but I'm confident that if she gets the help she needs that in time she will come to really value your part in her life and see your friendship as a life line.

This place is full of people who are expert in being depressed, so don't hesitate to come back with more questions, or even just to vent if you are struggling yourself.  You don't always have to be the strong one.

[Maree97]

Thank you for your kind words, they really mean a lot. I'm doing this for her because I know she'd do exactly the same thing for me, we've been best friends for 8 years now and I love her like a sister. 
I hope that she does get better soon, I just really want her to be happy again.