High school anxiety and loneliness,

[Tinasola]

I am in year 11 at high school and am contemplating dropping
out and seeking alternate education, such as TAFE. I used to suffer from
Selective mutism (extreme shyness to the point where I only spoke with my
immediate family) which has gradually improved but the effects still linger. I
feel anxious often in classroom situations and struggle to connect with my
peers. I was unable to do my English oral and feel extremely nervous when the
teacher starts randomly selecting students to answer questions. When they do
ask me, I usually freeze, have a mind blank and cannot think of anything to
say.

I get nervous in group situations, and am generally the only one to be
withdrawn and not saying anything. I never thought that I’d be a dropout as I
always saw dropouts as people who struggled academically, which I do not, and
that’s why I feel so bad about withdrawing from school.

I've told my parents about my decision to drop out but I feel as though I am disappointing them.
However, each day I spend in school seems worse than the last. I feel lonely
and isolated, as though I am the only one who does not fit in there and I can’t
stand the high school environment any more. I have changed schools twice in the
past few years, thinking that starting fresh in a new environment with
different people will help as I will no longer be seen as that shy girl. I
started off well in both schools but it seems like each time I end up in the
same position: sad, lonely and anxious.

In general, I have a bubbly personality, i love company and connecting with others,that it why I cannot stand it when I am

sitting in class and I am the only one who is by themselves, it breaks me. Each
day I come home feeling miserable, I think school is having a negative impact
on my mental health as well. I am not as anxious outside of school in other
public situations, that is why I feel it may be better to seek education elsewhere.
I don’t know who can help me and what the best solutions are. Any advice would
be very much appreciated.

[Croix]

Dear Tinasola~

I'm very glad you decided to post here before taking any action and leaving your school. It's obvious you have had a difficult life and it has affected you deeply. It's also obvious you are correct in saying you do not struggle academically, your post is intelligent, clear and well organized.

I have the feeling you are not going to be surprised at what I have to say.

Before I do I'd like to ask you if you are under any form of treatment - perhaps for an anxiety condition? I'm not a doctor but I would imagine such difficulties speaking are something that would really need professional help to overcome properly.

I think you would agree that we always take our strengths and weaknesses with us, we can't just leave them behind. You mentioned twice in the past you changed schools in the hope that life would improve, but in each case after a while things went back to how they were.

Now you are contemplating going to TAFE instead, and thinking that because you are better out of school you will be better there. I'm not sure about that, I would imagine it might be any academic environment that presents the difficulties, and comparing TAFE with outside life is like comparing apples and oranges.

Do you think it might be an alternative to try and improve where you are now? It's clear that speech in class is a at least one major problem. How would one go about getting this acknowledged and for you to be treated accordingly?

Is there a councilor or teacher you get on well with that you could approach about the problem? If you are under treatment your doctor may be able to intervene.

If you are not under treatment then perhaps it might be an idea, seeing a GP, or as a young person Headspace, could be a place to start. Have you had many discussions with your parents about these problems. I think most parents would wish to help and support you, and staying in the same school can give some advantages - such as continuity in classwork.

I'd be very happy if you replied and said what you thought about this

Croix

[BballJ]

Hi Tinasola,

Firstly, welcome to the forums. Well done for posting your story, it takes great courage to post and talk about what you are currently feeling so well done for that.

Croix has posted a great reply to you and I just wanted to echo some comments made. I would highly suggest speaking to a school coordinator or teacher you trust about how you are feeling and what being in school is currently doing to you, mentally. I, too struggled in school with my emotions, I was very quiet as well and hated when I was called upon by teachers out of fear I would get the answer wrong and look silly. As Croix said, I also don't believe dropping out of school and going to Tafe may be the best solution for you. As you said you have already shifted school a couple of times already. I will await your response to Croix's question about if you are currently seeking any treatment at all for how you are feeling. If you are not, I do highly recommend going to see your local GP and advising how you are feeling.

Please also know you can call the Beyond Blue helpline on 1300 22 4636 24/7 to discuss anything you are feeling.

Please, post back as much as you like.

My best for you,

Jay

[Tinasola]

Dear Croix,

Thanks for taking your time to reply. I have seen various psychologists in the past for my selective mutism. The last meeting being near the end of grade 9 after which i believed I no longer needed her assistance. I moved schools in year 10 and that's when i began speaking at school. (prior to this i would not speak a word at school.) Each time i change schools, things get a little better, but i always end up feeling as though i`m "behind" all my peers in various ways. Because of all the years i spent not talking, i missed out, or have not yet experienced or become accustomed to different aspects of teen life

I am not keen on staying where i am now because i have again settled as a "shy girl". I don`t feel like i can gain the confidence to speak with my current peers and i believe that the only way to overcome my social anxiety would be in a new environment.

TinaSola

[Tinasola]

To Jay,

Thanks for your reply. My mum is trying to organise for me to speak with a member of the school well-being team, however I do not feel comfortable speaking face to face about my issues. It was difficult for me to bring it up and explain how I feel with my family, and I feel even more nervous about speaking to a member of staff (I tend to choke up and get emotional when explaining my issues aloud.) I've only started in this school at the beginning of this year so there is no one I am close to or who I trust to speak with about my issues.

TinaSola

[Croix]

Dear Tinasola~

I'm very glad you replied to Jay and myself. What you say does make sense - though I haven't changed my mind about giving the existing place another try -I know you disagree, and as the person on the spot know more of the facts, which puts you in a pretty good position to make decisions.

One thing I wanted to mention was that at one stage I had great difficulties talking to a doctor. I was embarrassed, afraid to mentioning some things, and sure I'd be muddled and forget others.

I found I could write everything down in advance at my leisure and shared the paper in the consultation, it worked pretty well. You can write well, do you think it might be something to try rather than just forcing yourself to try to talk unassisted?

Whatever you decide I think we really would like to know how you get on

Croix

[BballJ]

Hi Tinasola,

Like Croix's wrote above, I too have struggled with talking about my feelings and emotions. I eventually worked up the courage to do it but when I did, it felt good. I recommend to a lot of people what Croix recommended to you above about writing down how you are feeling if you don't think you can express it in words face to face. It is a good way to ensure you get exactly how you are feeling and the person you are speaking too, understands exactly how you are feeling. I know you aren't close to anyone but I am sure like your mum, your school would want you to feel as comfortable as possible feel as though you can approach them about this.

My best,

Jay

[connorrrr]

Hey tinasola i know what you mean school is the most anxious and stressful part of your life when your growing up for some people. I actually left/ got kicked out of school in yr 8 because of simalar reasons and i left an sat around doing nothing for 2years and that was honestly the worst 2 years of my life constantly bored an having that worry on my head that il be a nobosy with no education droping out and going to tafe can be a really good idea because you get to choose what you study and theres way less people in tafe classes and its alot more chilled out bit it dose get hectic at times an can do something your intersted in but on the other hand tafe isant as supportive in school you have to do alot of homework/asingments and stuff and my advice would be if you h