Hey

[Jackson93]

Hey Everyone,

My name is Jackson and i am currently 20. 

I am finding that i am starting to struggle more and more with day to day events. I seem to think negatively about most situations, I feel guilty/sad for no reason and recently out of the blue felt like collapsing to the floor and just bursting into tears. I find my biggest issue is that i feel empty inside, I hold no emotion and feel like most of my actions are forced/acted.

I often feel my actions are impulsive and i regret a lot of my decisions and think very negatively about myself because of this. I had a pretty rough childhood and feel that is where a lot of my issues originate from.  

I have been in a relationship for close to 15 months and have reached a point where i struggle to return "I love you's". It feels stupid to say so, I am just struggling and feel nothing. She has a beautiful heart and I am finding that i am beginning to have no patience for her and most my thoughts are just negative.

I have started to consider it might be time to move on, at the same time i know that i am struggling more and more with these sensations. I assume it is Depression and I don't want to make the wrong decisions, it's apart of life and I understand that...

The point of this thread is... I don't know what to do or where to go. I am unsure of the right/wrong choice and where to begin. This is my first time reaching out for help, i am just over struggling. If anybody could recommend the right choices and where to take the first step forward, your help would be more than appreciated.

Thank you for your time.

[SubduedBlues]

Welcome to the BB forums Jackson.

I don't know if you are suffering from depression or are just feeling down because of your relationship or both.  It may be that you are starting to recognise that the "I love you" are more than just words, that they actually mean something and you are uncomfortable with the meaning the words convey to her.

I think you need to have some serious reflection time on the two of you as a couple, and what you envisage your future to be with her. Regardless whether you decide there is or is not a future with her, you need to have an honest chat with her about this; as a partnership without honesty is doomed to fail. 

After you speak to her if you are still struggling with feeling down, best to check in with your local GP.

Keep us posted.

D'

[AGrace]

Hi Jackson,

Welcome to the forums. It's great that you have chosen to reach out for some support.

Everyone here is entitled to there own opinion, and I hope you don't find differing opinions confusing, but more a presentation of some options for you.

Given how you feel, and what you have briefly mentioned about your past, I would strongly suggest seeking some professional support. It's highly likely that the disconnection with your girlfriend stems from the fact that you feel empty and void of emotion, rather than that you are having relationship issues.

So where to now? Seeing your GP is the first step. If you don't have one, there is a list of GPs who specialise in mental health available on Beyondblue's website. You will need your medicare card for the appointment, and if you see a GP who bulk bills you won't incur any out of pocket expenses. Your GP will be able to discuss options with you like medication or a referral to a Psychologist.

If you choose to see a Psychologist request a mental health care plan from your GP. This will entitle you to 10 free sessions.

A Psychologist will help you with some coping strategies, and also help you understand why you feel the way you do.

Regarding your girlfriend, rather than telling her how you feel about her at this stage, I'd tell her how you're feeling in terms of your mental health. No doubt she will be a great support to you while you are seeking treatment.

Keep posting here too, where always happy to listen and offer support. You may also like to read some of Beyondblue's resources, or take a look at some of the other threads under young people to see if you can pick up on any useful advice. Feel free to join the discussions on others' posts.

AGrace