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[Follies]

I was seeing a guy for 5 weeks and I developed really strong feelings for him. He was really keen on me too and pursued me, held my hand as we walked, cooked me a dinner, always kissed me and acted like we would become gf and bf.

then he tells me he doesn't want a long term relationship and just wants to have fun but that contradicted everything he had been doing and what he told mutual friends just days before. He said all was going well and as soon as I said something about cuddles and kisses he freaked.

i was finally happy that I had met someone I liked and then he hit me with that and made me feel like there's something wrong with me. He told me I'm nice and pretty and sweet and fun etc and that he does like me and is attracted to me but he doesn't 'get the feeling' that it could work out long term.

 i don't even know what that means when he acted like all was fine and how can you even know what will happen in the long term

 i haven't been able to eat or go to work. He made me feel loved and good enough and now I feel like I'm not

[Zeal]

Hi Follie,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm sorry to hear the guy you were close to has become less committed, and has changed his approach to your relationship. He's said great things about you, has treated you well, and enjoys being with you, and yet he is now shying away from long-term commitment. You have clearly done nothing wrong, and have been kind and affectionate. This guy could be doubting himself in the relationship. Perhaps he feels he doesn't have enough to offer you or doesn't feel he can commit.

Guys can take a while to mature, and perhaps he is overwhelmed by the idea of being in a committed relationship. When you see him next (or online if you don't see him for a while), ask him calmly and neutrally why he doesn't want a long-term relationship. Asking this question broadly could help him to state some general things which could explain his confusing behaviour. As he's shown real interest in you, I very much doubt that his not wanting a long-term relationship has anything to do with you. He may be confused about aspects of his own life, and so doesn't feel as though he can be stable for someone else at this stage.

Communication is the key in this situation. If this guy doesn't want to talk at all about his reasons for not wanting a long-term relationship, then perhaps give him a little space and see how you feel after some time apart. This will give you a chance to process how you feel about him, and also give him a chance to think about how he feels about you.

Good luck with this.

Best wishes,

SM

[geoff]

dear Follies hi and welcome to the forum.

What you have said is disappointing for you especially when you feel that there could be a long term relationship, but the key word here is to 'have fun', in other words he would probably not only want to have you, but also other girls, so that's why he only wants it to be casual.

It's not the best self esteem issue that you have to face, but also a demoralising situation, because if he only want you on a friday so that he can spread himself around the rest of his girls, is not the type of relationship that will build your confidence.

If in fact he does this then find someone else who just wants you only. Geoff. x