Hello, Hello, I'm a weirdo.

[Mr_Boombastic]

Hey, just a kid here looking for advice.

Honestly, I don't know where to start, but I'll try my best. I'm detached from things. Friends, family, people in general. I'm confused because sometimes I'm having the time of my life with my friends and family, but other times, I feel like the most loneliest person in the world. I get the feeling that no one knows who I am, and I'm not even sure if I know who I am. Sometimes, I think I'm just this physical embodiment of other people thoughts, feelings and expectations of me. I feel like a fake. I lack motivation to do pretty much anything, and I fail to speak out when something bothers me.

I usually try to play things off with humor and whatnot, but I never let people know how much something affects me. An insult? I'd laugh it off, then proceed to think about it for the rest of the day. A push, a shove, anything including physical contact bothers me, though I'd never speak out. Guess I'm a bit paranoid. What I mean is, I think the worst of people a lot of the times. I feel like this is a complete 180, but my minds been to some dark places, which scares me. Wanting to hurt others, being paranoid about people hurting me, being paranoid that I affected others negatively. I feel like a mess. But anyway, I'm glad to be able to get some stuff off my chest. Vent a little. To be honest, I think this is the first time I've taken my mental health seriously. Probably the first time I've taken anything seriously.

Guess I'm kinda proud of myself.

[Soberlicious96]

Dear Mr Boombastic,

Hi and welcome to Beyond blue. Love your username, by the way. Makes me think of a song!

Anyway, it's good the get things off your chest hey? That's exactly what Beyond Blue is here for. And don't worry, you're not the only one to feel all 'connected' to people one minute, and then disconnected the next. I too have had those same feelings. So well done for reaching out and sharing with us.

I can also identify with the laughing something off, but then thinking about it for the rest of the day. I came to realise that the reason I did that was because I had been comparing my insides to everybody else's outsides; I always felt so much worse than they looked. But I came to realise, with help and advice from others, that if I could 'put on a mask' and pretend that everything was okay, then so could they. And if I was comparing my unseen true feelings to their visible mask, then it was in fact not only an unfair comparison, but also an incorrect comparison. It's a bit like, as I've heard it said "Judging a fish on its ability to climb a tree." Fish aren't meant to climb trees! They're meant to swim underwater, and only underwater.

Anyway, I don't know if that helps or not. But I do know that you are not alone. And like I said, well done for reaching out. It's good to share and get things out in the open. Take care and come and share here as often as you like. I'll be thinking of you. xo