He used me for sex

[Rhicooper7]

I was friends with this guy for a while probably about a year before all this had happened we were pretty close for a while he had been dropping subtle hints at wanting more which I had kind of been playing off as I didn't feel anything like that but he still persisted and then I started to feel the same way one night I was really sad and turned to him as a friend for comfort and things escalated into something more it's been continuing like that this whole year we had never talked about commitment or anything like that I wanted it but was too scared to bring it up because he lives a few hours from me the relationship had escalated to sending naked pictures and sexual things happening over Skype he came to visit me and we had sex and I tried to bring up the topic of "us" but he shut me down he went home and we continued as normal I haven't been speaking to any other guys beyond my friends as well as not wanting to feel like I've betrayed him other guys don't take an interest in me and never have until him which is has been really hard for me to deal with and made me very sad and self conscious which he knows he recently told me he was talking to three other girls two that are further from him than me and one that lives in the same place as him which he also had sex with he said that he also told the other girls they were all fine with it I said I was too as we had no specified commitment in reality I was and still am pretty upset and he also keeps shutting down any talk of a relationship and he said we had sex but we're not dating that's it I feel very used especially cause it was my first time what should I do

[Jessicatherese94]

Hi Rhicooper7. Sorry to hear that you had the experience. Unfortunately this happens a lot when people aren't on the same page, which is why in the future I would really encourage you to talk about what the situation is with someone before you are intimate with them, especially if you have feelings for them and are not sure how they feel about you. If it was me I'd remove this guy from my life and proceed to move on as quickly as possible. It wasn't your fault, but there is no way anything good can come from this complete lack of respect and one person feeling more than the other. There will be plenty of people who will want to be with you and honestly in a few years this wont matter at all (I know it's hard to see it like that but it's true). The reality is a lot of people's first sexual experiences aren't that great, and because there is so much 'hype' over it if it's not absolutely 'perfect' many people are devastated. The reality is that things in life aren't perfect. Please try not to attach your self worth to this boy, because he is simply not worth it. You are not a reflection of the way others treat you. Sending you love.

[MarkJT]

Rhicooper, just want to echo the wise words that are mentioned above by Jessicatherese94 in that it would be great if you could put some distance between you and this boy who does not deserve to be in your presence, let alone be intimate with you.

By coming here and posting what has happened to you, that to me reflects on you - your courage, your strength and your inner determination to right a wrong.

What even impresses me more is the fact that you are so young yet you have posted what you have. Mental health conditions and the pressure that is on society's youth these days have me very worried, but i have no fears for you because you understand that it is okay to ask for help or advice. That is just so pleasing.

Again, as is said above, there will be other boys that will show you genuine interest, not just for sex, but they will want to get to know you, hang out with you, go out with you, eat choccy ice cream while wearing tracky dacks on the couch with you....it will happen.

Please do not think you are not worthy as that could not be further from the truth. You are well worth it.

Again, i want to say well done for posting and thank you for posting. There will be others who will read your post and get so much courage to do so themselves - you are helping others as well as yourself.

Much respect.

Mark.

[Rhicooper7]

Hi thank you both for responding your advice has been helpful I do feel like I want to distance myself from him but at the same time I don't because he was a really good friend to me before all of this and I do still have really strong feelings for him he has always been really sweet during the whole time of us talking it was only recently when he was mad that he said it was just sex he makes me feel wanted and that I'm pretty and that I'm not hideous to all guys before him they all agreed that I was one of them went as far to said that not even a paper bag could fix me so it's been really exciting and nice to feel that maybe they weren't all right and that guys can like me I don't want to go back to feeling like an ugly loser like I did before how can I make nice guys like me?

[eth93]

Sounds like you have put way to much importance on this one guy. ( Which I think is natural given the circumstances).

Start talking to other guys.. I've found this to be the best method to get over someone. Someone else will come along and sweep you off your feet.

Your still in high school? I bet there are plenty of guys who have a crush on you, yet are to scared to say anything.. I liked so many girls in high school. But I never had the courage to say anything.

Chin up!

[MarkJT]

Rhicooper, if you are going to continue on with the friendship, be that intimate or non intimate, I would encourage you to set some boundaries. He must know how you feel about what is going on and where is it going. He needs to answer the question, are you a couple? are you free to see other people?

As Jess has said above, it is not your fault and to make this situation feel the way it has, I would be treading very carefully. You are a strong girl, do not doubt that so do not be afraid to set the boundary and stick to it. Do not let him break or bend those boundaries. This is your life, your happiness, your choice - no one else's.

Please do not waste any energy on those boys that say such horrible things to you. Their self esteem must be so low that they need to put other people down to make themselves feel better for some strange reason. That is not reflective of who you are and those that are close to you know that.

I would recommend just being yourself and let the forming of relationships naturally occur. I would like for you to start practicing mindfulness, it is about living in the present and not worrying about the future, nor the past. Download the, "Smiling Mind" app and work your way through the exercises. The reason I want you to start doing this is for when you have those negative thoughts about feeling ugly etc, use the mindfulness to ground yourself, think clear and dispel those thoughts because they are simply not true.

Mark.

[Guest_128]

Hi there,

Could you please tell me what you think a nice guy is?

I am female and have two girls 19 and 16 and a son who is 27.

Later

[Rhicooper7]

hi thanks for responding i guess i would say a nice guy is someone who is interested in me beyond my body and likes me for who i am on the inside as well as the outside

[Guest_128]

Awesome! You got it 100%

Take nothing less.

Get out there and have some fun,join some groups,go to the gym,etc

It will come but your first.

Good luck,you ok.

Later

[159357]

Men like that ruin the reputation of good people.

Please build a proper relationship before commitment such as this. Infatuation can cloud judgement severely, take time to think if you really want something.

Good luck!