having trouble talking? just talking in general

[a13xx]

Hi again,

I had another thing i needed to vent a bit about lol.

Ive always been seen as quiet or shy..And I really was. But the past couple years or so i’ve been able to talk more openly and with more confidence. I still can’t get past this barrier though. I can be really talkative and outgoing, but it’s like a mood that’s really rare..I’ll have these random moments where i’ll be super outgoing, i’ll do things with friends & i’ll be able to talk like a normal person, contribute to conversation and make jokes. But most of the time I just don’t say anything. I really want to, I wish i was that outgoing person all the time. And it’s not that i’m shy or scared necessarily of being social. My head is just empty and I have nothing to say. I’ll think of a reply to a conversation hours later that someone could’ve thought instantly. It doesn’t matter who the person is either..my best friend for example, I wish i could have the same energy every time we hung out, but it’s so inconsistent and every time i go quiet with him it’s like a vibe killer.
I want to be able to get past that barrier but i feel like i’m stuck..

[smallwolf]

Hello and welcome.

It's great that you've made progress in becoming more outgoing over the past couple of years. Social skills and confidence often develop gradually. And so it would be understandable to be frustrated with the "inconsistency" you mention.

Many people experience similar challenges. Sometimes it depends on the topic of conversation? 

Perhaps you might consider having some pre-defined replies - you could ask for more information, or just agree and change the topic? There are times when I will say "I have just drawn a total blank". 

Have you considered discussing this with close friends like the one you mentioned? They might offer support and understanding.

One thing you could try would be practicing social skills and self-reflection can help over time. Remember also how far you have come in that time as well!