Girl is mean to me for no reason...

[LonelyGirl04]

Hello, this is my first post on this website so I’m a bit nervous!

So I’m by no popular at my school and i have very few friends. I tend to get very nervous and shy when I have to talk to people but I don’t think I’ll consider myself mean in any way as I try to be as nice as possible.

There’s this one girl in my class: let’s just call her A: who ever since last year has been rather passive aggressive toward me but it wasn’t anything too much as we barely saw or talked to each other anyways. I have a very kind friend: let’s call her B, who is best friends with A. I don’t actually mind it very much but the few times A actually talks to me, it was in a very aggressive manner, something she never does to anybody else except for me and another one of my friends. I have done absolutely nothing to her; and I’ve always tried to be friendly towards her to no avail.

Just today, I was put in a music assignment with A and B and I really didn’t think A wanted me in her group at all. When we were discussing the assignment, she would avoid my eye contact and make snarky and rude comments directed at me. One time, when I was trying to engage her in the conversation she specifically said “Will you stop staring at me and get on with it” in a very rudemanner even though she was the one not engaging in anything at all:(!! When I mentioned I liked 21 pilots, she said very loudly “21 pilots suck!!” In no context to my feelings. I think B noticed all this and tried to get A to stop being so uncooperative. However, A started telling her why she had to pick me as one of their group members out of everyone else when I was right in front of B listening to everything she’s saying!! I really wanted to confront her about it but I was too shy to talk back to her. Throughout the whole lesson, she was ignoring me and pretending I didn’t even exist and by the end of it, I felt like crying;( When me and B was saying our farewells, A came and said “hurry up B or you would be spending lunch with her (me basically)” really aggressively.

i felt really down after this whole ordeal and I don’t quite understand why B hates me as much as she does. Maybe it’s because she thinks I’m a loser or something? I don’t think I have ever done anything mean to her at all and I was actually rlly nice to her on a couple occasions like lending her a pen when she needed one and sharing my maths notes with her. I’ve just been feeling pretty down about it and any help would be appreciated. Thank you!!

[quirkywords]

lonely girl,

I want to welcome you to the forum and we’ll do e for writing your first post . There is no need to be nervous, as this is a friendly, supportive and caring place.

I can understand how confused you are by As behaviour towards you when you have only ever been kind and friendly to her.

School friendships can be tricky to understand because we only see one part of a person’s life and we don’t

know what goes on outside school hours.

A few years ago one of the women from our year organised a school reunion and as she knew many of us were scared of her at school she revealed her background and why she behaved as she did.

I am not saying A behaves like that towards you but you don’t know what other pressures she has outside school and at home.

Of course she just may be jealous you are friendly with B, I understand it is hard to ignore when someone is being rude . Have you told B how you feel about A ?

I was never popular at school and had people tell me they did not want me in their group, so I know how important it is to have friends at school.

Is she mean to others or only you?

I ask questions so I can get to know you better but don’t answer any you don’t want to.

I am glad you shared your story as I am sure many will relate to it.

Feel free to post here as much as you like.

Quirky

[LavenderTea]

Hey there,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for posting.

That sounds like a pretty tricky situation. Highschool friendship dynamics can be really tricky but I'd suggest talking to B and asking if they know what's going on. As Quirky has suggested, there might be something going on for A what makes it hard for them to be able to communicate with you appropriately.

If this is becoming a real problem, it might also be a good idea to talk directly to A. Typically if you're having these types of conversations, its a good idea to approach with caution, and try not to come across as blaming her, because this usually just results in the other person becoming defensive. Try to express how you're feeling, and what you would like to change clearly, and perhaps let A know that you can be someone she can talk to if she wants to, but don't push her.

Hopefully that helps.

LT.

[Meh_1]

Im thinking im avout your age, late teens, and i know how that feels or least a genral idea and just dont have those negtive people in your life. Find new friends and just adapt. I know this might be hard but push through it.

It will be okay:) love meh

[BlueRoss]

Hi, LonelyGirl04. I have similar experiences in the past, so I understand how hard it is for you. You are doing a good job hanging on this far. If none of the tips above works, I suggest that you move on. It's not a bad thing to do. There are people with whom we simply can't get along with regardless of our efforts. When I chose to walk away from them in the past, I felt bad for a while. Later I learned that happiness wouldn't come if I didn't take a risk.

[therising]

Hi LonelyGirl04

It sounds like a somewhat stressful situation for you. It's unfair when someone leads us to experience some anxiety in regard to their mere presence.

My daughter who's in year 10 this year has given me the run down over the past few years in regard to the social dynamics of her secondary school experience. My goodness, it is involved. There is one girl who seems to come up in conversation on a regular basis (we'll call her Jo). I've been told in a number of ways that Jo is manipulative, backstabbing and openly nasty to certain fairly nice people. She's also into a lot of stuff that has her appearing 'popular' and 'grown up' (drinking, smoking, intimate relationships etc). 15 is a little too young in my opinion, to be incorporating these things into her life. I've mentioned to my daughter that Jo sounds very insecure, which my daughter agrees with, and I can almost see her heading for depression if she is to eventually reflect back on her life with sincere regret. Jo still continues to manipulate (playing with people like chess pieces) in order to maintain a close knit circle of friends. My daughter has detached from Jo's friendship circle now that she's decided not to participate in playing mind games. Anyhow...

I believe A sees you as somewhat of a threat for some reason. She sounds like she's manipulating you into a position she feels comfortable with. Your discomfort is apparently not an issue for her. There's a strong possibility that she will continue with this behaviour as long as you accept it. In some way, you'll need to make it clear to her that you will not be 'moved around the chess board' by her. Perhaps straight out tell her to stop it or perhaps you can give her a wink and a smile every time she's nasty (showing her you think her comments are a joke to you).

LG, you're not a loser by any means. Champions are those who seek to resolve issues, which is exactly what you are doing by connecting to us on the BB forums.

Take care of yourself LG and make your own moves in this game of life