Friends? Advice?

[simple114141]

So I am almost done with second year of uni and I don't have friends, which is kind of embarrassing really. I wasn't able to develop the skills of making friends back in high school and once I entered uni, its kind of overwhelming. Even now. I see people as those who I meet and greet. They are considered a classmate, a workmate, somebody who I work with. It does not get further than that. Once I am left with free time, I feel as though I am left with nothing and nobody to turn to except one close family member but they are not there with me all the time.

By now everyone has settled into uni and here I am, just a student here to study and nothing more is left to do. How do I put myself more out there? I am shy and socially awkward, so why would people want to continue talking to me in the first place. It difficult to become accepted into a group and it is even harder for me to maintain a friendship with a single person. I don't want to appear clingy to others.

But here is one good piece of news, a classmate has invited me to tea and it is going to be a one-on-one conversation. I know that this is a common situation and I am making it sound like its a big deal. But what should I talk about over tea without making myself seem so awkward. What should I do after tea?

Thanks if you read this

[jess334]

Hi Simple,

Thanks for posting and welcome to the forums.

I wish I could give you some advice that would gain you a lot of confidence and friends, but unfortunately I'm also pretty awkward around strangers and I don't make friends easily.

However, I noticed that you say you come across as shy and awkward and that is why people don't want to talk to you. I understand you might feel awkward, but its possible that other people don't even notice! Have you seen the new beyond blue anxiety campaign called 'what you're thinking isn't what they are thinking'?

It makes the great point that our anxiety tends to make us think other people are judging us much more harshly than they actually are.

Good luck with your tea. Just be yourself. If you get stuck for something to talk about, focus on stuff you have in common, like uni subjects etc. Enjoy yourself! And try not to worry about how they see you.

Kind thoughts, jess

[simple114141]

Thanks Jess for responding so quickly, I appreciate your support. It makes me feel better about tommorrow's meeting too. The words in my head does get to me too easily. When I speaking, my thoughts are also talking at the same time..if you know what I mean. Like that inner "don't say this, why are you smiling?" in general negative thoughts to the point that I just stay silent in mid-conversation and try to get the other person talk. I am still trying to improve on my inter-personal skills. Relationships, friendships is something that I struggle with since I am so used to being the follower and listener more so than the one talking.

I am new to this community so I will definitely check out that campaign that you are talking about. I feel like that may apply to me too.

To be honest, just being myself is hard to interpret and portray when I am trying to still find myself in this world ahaha.

[Hang10]

Hi Simple114141,

Welcome too to Beyond Blue,

Well done in almost finishing a second year of uni, I bet you be glad to relax after a hardworking year.

Friends can be great and when you find a friend or friends who understands us it really bring great joy.

Simple 114141 even thoe you may not have much success of making friends I glad to hear that you haven’t fallen to peer pressure to be someone who you not as that hurts even more when we try to please people to feel accepted or gain friendship.

This friend who invited you to tea sounds like a true friend that they see more of you as a person and like to speak to you away from the crowd and uni.

Be yourself and enjoy the experience. Take turns in talking. Listen and try to have a laugh. General talk is best way to start. Weather and how busy of a week etc

Also it not how many friends one has It finding a true friend that understands one self.

Good luck. You be fine.

Hang10.

[simple114141]

Sometimes its conflicting. I want friends to hangout every now and then but also dread the small talk/conversations and rather be in my own world. I fear I run out of things to say to the point it will become awkward. Thanks for the advice Hang.