Flashbacks, Love and Breakup

Saving_Joyce · ‎05-10-2017

When I was 18 I was taken advantage by my friend. Sexual assault? Rape? Whatever you care to define it as. I always found it hard to deal with the emotions brought forward by it, like any person would.

2 years later I met a boy, fell in love, moved in together and all that. I sort of used him as a rebound for life, as a shade to hide all the pain I was feeling. The love for each other was real, but it wasn’t healthy me holding all the emotions in.

I was diagnosed with depression or PTSD. They can’t really decide, I’m not to phased about a diagnosis anyways. Eventually I got too much for him. My emotions would come out in great bursts as I’d never ever dealt with them. We have departed now, I do not hate him for it, I just want to get better. As much as it pained him to break up, he did this so I could get better. So I could realise the strong person I am. I just don’t know where to go from here. I’ve been to psychologists and it hasn’t really worked. I’ve tried medication.

I just need a bit of direction and I don’t know where to find it....

Sincerely Lost, Confused and Scared

Quercus · ‎05-10-2017

Hi Saving Joyce and welcome,

Your story hits a little too close to home but I wanted to reply because I feel like I'm doing better with a similar background.

I see a psychiatrist. Once a week. For psychoanalytical psychotherapy. The old school "lay down on the couch and tell me about your childhood" kind of therapy. It has helped a lot. No miracle cure and lots of ups and downs. And no eye contact. That is so freeing.

But I'm starting to understand why I allowed my ex to hurt me. Why I didn't leave although the clues were there that he would eventually hurt me. And that understanding allowed me to let go of alot of the fear that I would allow it to happen again. This therapy along with medication has helped a lot.

There are so many different options. I saw a psychologist first, she did CBT with me which didn't really help me. This new therapy aims to uncover the root causes not just cope with the symptoms.

I think you are brave for reaching out. For telling your story. I hope others feel able to share what worked for them too and that you feel able to stick around and share your journey with others.

Take care of yourself please.

Nat