First sexual experience anxiety

[JosieMay]

I don't really know what to write. But I'm a 25yr old virgin, i have severe anxiety and I  just set up meeting with a guy to have sex tomorrow. I am freaking out, but i am kind of isolated and don't have any friends i can talk to. I have severe anxiety and up until recently I couldn't even initiate a conversation through messenger. I don't know what help I'm looking for but I have all these things that keep running through my head that I'm anxious about. Even whether or not I greet him at his car is stressing me out. I do want to have sex with him, but my mind is racing with all these details that I don't know what to do with. I've kind of pushed myself beyond any of my comforts over the weekend. And I think ive probably went beyond where my psych would have suggested with exposure therapy lol.  But now im here and it is what i want im just freaking out about tomorrow. Is there any way I can get my mind to chill and not overthink everything about tomorrow? Especially tomorrow when his here. since the weekend when i signed up to tinder my anxiety has been in overdrive. Which i did expect because ive been avoiding even downloading tinder since i was 18 because of my anxiety. It won't look good if I have a panic attack when he gets here lol. I don't know if that makes any sense but basically I'm really anxious about tomorrow and if you have any words of advice I'd appreciate it 😅.

[Sophie_M]

Dear JosieMay,

Thank you for finding the courage to post about your concerns around your first sexual experience which you have planned for tomorrow. We encourage our wonderful users to reply, just please remember that this is in a public forum, so we must ensure the content remains appropriate.

If your experience was planned for a time a little further out, we would suggest you talk with your GP or psych about a referral to a licensed sexologist or sex therapist in your area. It is our understanding that these specialists are trained to guide you through the potential concerns and anxieties around your first experience.

As your experience is to occur shortly, we must remind you that safe sex practices, you can find some helpful resources on the Reach Out website: https://au.reachout.com/articles/your-how-to-guide-for-safe-sex

Finally, if uo have any thing you would like to talk about or discuss, please call us on 1300 22 4636, anytime.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.
 

[geoff]

Hello JosieMay, thanks for your comment and appreciate the situation you are in because having it for the first time can make anyone anxious if it's planned to happen, rather than when you are going out with a person you are in love with and then it naturally happens.

Being at your age of 25 and not having it is not a bad a thing, because setting up a time to meet with someone so that you can, is not the same as when you love a person and you may come away disappointed, and that's what I don't want to happen to you.

I can't tell you what to do, however I want to encourage you to not go ahead with this, not unless you know this person, and if you decide against doing it, that this person respects your request.

Please don't feel as though this has to be done at your age, I wonder can you wait until someone comes along and there is no time limit on something like this.

Geoff.

Life Member. 

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear JosieMay,

A very kind and caring welcome to our forums….

Its okay if when you meet up with this man, if you don’t want to go through with your plans…and if you don’t this person should respect your wishes…..It’s your body…

Sex should be something that comes naturally with someone that you have feeling for, not just randomly done to loose your virginity….There’s no time limit in loosing your virginity….

If you care for this person and things go ahead naturally for you and him, you won’t regret your decision….but if your forcing this onto yourself because you feel left behind in your sex life…then maybe regrets will follow….

Please dear sweet JosieMay…follow your heart and see how things go, if your not ready to do this when you are together…then please don’t…if your date is not okay with your decision, then he doesn’t care enough about you…to wait until you are comfortable moving forward in your relationship….

As our lovely Geoff has said, we cannot tell you what to do….but we do care about you, so please if you don’t know this person very well…please be careful of letting him into your home….,

My kindest thoughts with my care dear JosieMay….Follow your heart…not his words…

Grandy..

[Petal22]

Hi JosieMay,

I understand that you want to experience sex but please don’t feel as though you have to rush this at all.

You will meet that special someone one day and it won’t matter that you are a virgin .

Im not sure how you have met this person but please be careful, people can say they are someone and then when you meet them they aren’t who they say they are at all.

[vitality]

I agree with all the lovely, helpful responses JosieMay...an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure...Dear, dear JosieMay...I know heaps of women would love to turn back time on their first sexual experience & start all over again.

A man who will have sex with you when he hasn't met you physically doesn't sound like a very respectful person toward women to me...We're best to become physical friends before becoming lovers....I think you deserve a lot more respect than this man is showing.  

Please phone Beyond Blue or a help line to at least chat about this...better to be safe than sorry.

When in doubt...don't...I believe your anxiety is a sign...it's telling your mind & body to not go ahead meeting this man at this stage.  (If you meet him it will very probably be harder to say no to having set with him.) 

Honestly, a mature, respectful male wouldn't hopefully engage in sex so quickly...I'd suggest you both visit a Relationships Aust counsellor & at least phone a help line for support....Thinking of you...xo