First help experiences?

[demondee]

I've struggled for a long time. Each day feels like forever and I'm tired of it. I know I'm stressed out a lot lately with uni, work and completing my honours project. But at the same time I can't voice how I feel. When I see people face to face I automatically put on my mask and I can never take it off. I never say how I feel. I feel trapped. 

There's no one at uni who I can talk to. The counselling service at uni is always full or I am unable to book a time because it'll be my first time. My GP is usually booked out 2 weeks in advance and I have this weird thing where I feel better if I have an appointment with her (I've only been twice - she's a new GP for me) and that goes for anyone. I think it's a defense mechanism. And there's a part of me that thinks that if I can't even tell my GP about what I've been feeling, then what is the point? It would be so hard to start any form of talk therapy with someone. 

So what was your first experience of getting help? Did you have similar difficulties? If so, how did you overcome it?

[demondee]

Thanks for that reply. That really meant a lot to me. It's one of the patches of sunlight in my dark cold forest. Sydney weather. 😛 It was so cold yesterday that I refused to leave my bed and was a little late for work. 

I've booked an appointment. It started off as a 30 min one but I changed it to a 15 min appointment. It's probably not long enough but I don't think I could sit through a long one. It isn't till the end of next week so hopefully I can actually have the courage to attend it. 

How are things going with you?

D. 

[Doolhof]

Hi Ddee,

Congratulations on making your appointment. Once you have this one under your belt so to speak, you will hopefully find it less daunting to attend again.

Sorry to read you are feeling like you are in a dark place right now. Just a question here, do you usually feel worse about life in the winter months generally? There is a recognised condition that some people suffer from in the winter that makes them feel worse about life in general.

It is some sort of seasonal condition. My brain is not dragging up the name for it right now!

I'm near Adelaide and our weather hasn't been too bad lately. I am about to head down to the garden shortly to prune some olive trees, we have over 100 of them and they haven't been touched for years!

We hope to borrow some sheep soon to eat the grass down the back so that is another reason I want to trim up the olive trees, so the sheep can shelter under them.

I've had a few flat moments recently and try to break out of the rut before I become too bogged down. This morning I pushed myself to get to the swimming pool by 7.00 a.m. for some hydrotherapy exercises before I started work.

Hope you are travelling along okay. Do you have some strategies in place for when you are struggling?

All the best to you, cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[demondee]

hiya Mrs D,

Oh, no. I usually seem to get worse around the new year cause I dread the new year. It's a reminder that time is continuing to fly by. I used to love the cold but I guess not so much anymore. maybe its because I can actually feel it this time around. 

I think I've figured out one way I would just describe how I've been feeling. Lately it's been cold in the shade of the buildings but when you step into the sunlight it's crazy warm. Its like walking in a dark cold forest and there are patches of sunlight which break through the leaves. and you have to keep moving through the forest. 

haha, I like the idea of having the sheep cut the grass instead of doing it with a lawn mower. It would be good for the sheep to 😛 

How was hydrotherapy? Does it help with things? 

I had a better day today. I didnt have to go to uni or work so I just chilled out around the house. Now i've got a tonne of uni work to mush through tonight but oh well. 

When i'm really struggling I put on music to distract myself from the thoughts that are upsetting me. I sometimes have to turn it up really loud just to drown them out cause distraction doesnt work. I tend to get away from people and just be on my own. In the end I at least have photography and lying down at a park. Theyre the best two distractions but as soon as theyre over, it's back to the shade. Do you have any good strategies that can last? 

I hope things are going okay for you. D ~ 

[demondee]

hey Mrs D,

Oh, i dont think it gets worse during the winter, it's worse during the end of the year, just in time for new years. I usually love the cold but I guess not this year. I think I've figured out one analogy for this thing I'm going through. I've been walking through this cold dark forest for a long time now and the sunlight that breaks through the leaves is warm but scattered. It's been a while since I've found a clearing in the forest. 

hehe, having some sheep over for a good feed sounds like fun. How many sheep would you need? And I can't imagine what 100 olive trees look like. 

Getting up so early should be commended! I hope you can pull out of the rut. I believe in you.

I don't really have strategies that work at the moment, It's mostly just distraction/procrastination with TV and movies - which makes things worse cause I'm always behind in uni work. Music helps when I'm on the move but sometimes I use that to drown out the thoughts when they get too loud. I really enjoy photography though. I'm really lucky I haven't stopped liking that yet. I'm planning to go to Vivid again today but I'll see. It'll be a busy night with lots of people and it'll be cold so I'm not sure. I really dont like being around people at the moment. 

How about you? What strategies do you use? 

D

[Doolhof]

Hi D,

I've enjoyed reading your posts. Regarding distractions I suppose I have a few, depends where I am and what I am doing.

My husband doesn't seem to like music much at home anymore and I don't have any ear phones or anything, so at home I do other stuff rather than listen to music.

If my thoughts are getting a bit much and I feel myself becoming stressed, I get out my Sudoku puzzle book and work on a puzzle. I don't find them easy to do, so once I start concentrating, I forget what else I was worrying about earlier.

I like to get out in the garden when I can, that really relaxes me. If I am feeling a little agitated, that is time to rake up the leaves, prune the trees, dig holes or do something else physical.

Just being out in the fresh air, hearing the birds sing, looking at the different colours around me, I really try to see what is out there.

I too like photography and sometimes just take photos in the garden even though I have no plans on ever printing the photos. Just capturing an image is rewarding.

I like to go walking or swimming, that helps me in so many ways. I have a few injuries, so exercise in a swimming pool is good.

Sometimes I go to the library and borrow some books, maybe to read a story or just books with lovely photography, or craft, or about different countries.

I find crocheting to be a good therapeutic thing to do the rhythm of it seems comforting. My knitting is hilarious as I make holes where there shouldn't be any! Ha. Ha.

Sometimes I get out my paints and splash some colour around on paper or a canvas. My art work is certainly no masterpiece, but it doesn't have to be. Some days I enjoy just doodling and colouring in a picture.

One therapist suggested singing when thoughts became too much. The only song I can ever think of is "old McDonald had a farm". I end up having a laugh at myself when I sing that in my head.

I've raved on a little here! Hope you manage to catch up with your Uni work.

All the best to you, from Mrs. D