Feeling like I'm back to square 1

[Karv94]

Welp. I don't really know where to begin - the only thing I can describe is that I feel as though there is a lot of anger, confusion and chaos raging through me and I don't know what to do about it

For as long as I've known, I've had periods of time throughout a year where I feel like I don't know myself - like nothing matters. I'm a human body with no soul, spirit or desire for anything.

Even writing this post is difficult because I don't really know what I truly feel or believe - its like I'm completely detached from my personality. I frustrates and saddens me.

I'm only in my early 20s but I don't want to lose anymore more time to this toxic mind frame.

This is by far the worst slump I've been in, in years. In years gone by, I had uni to pull me through - keeping my head above water.

I know that it's my choice to be in this slump but I don't know what will make me feel like "me" again.

The only thing I've been doing the past week is go to hot yoga everyday - but I'm a ghost. I don't know what else to do with myself.

I dont wanna be around friends in this state of mind. So I rather they just go about their lives without me.

I'm just exhausted with feeling pathetic all. the. time.

[quirkywords]

Welcome Kara to the forum. Tis is a caring, friendly and supportive place.

I am so pleased you wrote the post and reached out to others.

It sounds very tiring and sad for you. I can feel your frustration through your words.

You finished uni, that is an achievement.

Have you ever spoken to a doctor or a counsellor about how you feel?

Does the hot yoga help you in any way?

I don't think anyone choose to be in a slump, but hopefully you can find out more about it.

Thanks again for sharing your story. You are not alone here.

Feel free to post when you want to.

Quirky

[smallwolf]

Hi,

Welcome to beyond blue. I hope you will find the people here supportive and helpful. You will not be judged here.

I will also have to apologize cause I will jump around a bit in my reply.

Firstly, I don't think that you or I choose to feel this way. It is just the way things turn out. And then have to work out how to manage it. I don't think that we really know what to say. How do you describe that empty feeling? Or of not caring? Maybe if you read of other peoples stories you will identify commonalities?

Are you still at Uni? If so, are there counseling services available for you to talk to?

You also said that you don't want to be around friends in this state. While I mentioned Uni counseling services, wondering if you have any other support you can talk to about how you are feeling.

Have you done the test that is available here on the beyond blue website? While it won't give you a definitive answer, you can take the result as advice. From your post you might want to speak with a GP, and you would want to make it a double booking.

Most importantly, take each day one at a time. Celebrate the small achievements.

Hope you had a good weekend. If you have any questions, please let me know.

Smallwolf

[Jacko777]

Hi Karv94,

It's a great opportunity you have, to get to know your self better. Good advice above, check with a pro to see what might be causing these feelings.

What do you care about, what are you passionate about? Some times I have to write these things down and remind my self of what is important to me, set some goals, apply some action. I have to ensure that I am spending my precious time on things in my life that really get me going. What are these things for you? Don't fret if you don't know, just start thinking about it, maybe a 5 year plan is in order?

'Toxic mind frame', you have great awareness and you are very young, maybe it is time to calmly think about where you want to be in the future and how you will get there. Some of the most rewarding parts of my life have had nothing to do with money, it's about love and compassion and care, family and friends, unforgettable moments. You are a part of your friends lives, try talking to them, you would want them to share their struggles with you right? There lives are richer for having you in there, get into it!

Have you tried meditation Karv94? It has helped me so much, to find calmness and to train my brain to focus, I could talk about this all day.

All the best, talk any time, Jack.

[Jacko777]

And spiritually speaking....

You say you are body with no soul, maybe this is something you can research. I can't find who wrote the quote but it goes something like, 'the mind is the curtain in front of the soul.'

I have seen in myself how that has manifested, my intense focus on negative aspects of my self has caused me to be untrue to my self. Having pulled back back the curtain with the help of psychologists, I am able to reveal my true self that is loving and caring and calm. Maybe this true self is spirit, maybe it's just, me. But it's me unencumbered by past events and negative mindsets.

What did you study at Uni?

Jack