Feeling alone

[rena23]

This is my first time opening up so it's a little bit hard for me.
To start off with im 20 years old turning 21 in a couple of weeks.
Pretty much i have noticed every year around my birthday i feel really down.
Today has been extremely hard for me, im feeling very alone and that i dont fit in. I get the feeling when im around people that they hate me and dont want to be around me.
I feel like people are judging me when i walk out of my house.
I keep having thoughts that everything would be easier if i didn't exist.
Generally just dont have any motivation either. I feel as if im falling behind on my "time line" like i should have graduated from uni this year and have my career sorted - I'm currently a manager at a fast food restaurant and its given me a lot of anxiety because of abusive customers.
I just want to enjoy living again and not have these feelings all the time because of this voice in my head

[Sophie_M]

Hey rena23,
  Wishing you a warm welcome to the forums. It takes a lot of courage to be so open and honest with your feelings, and we are so glad that you have reached out here tonight. We can hear how lonely and overwhelmed that you're feeling, but please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space and our community is here to support you through this difficult time. If you feel up to it, we'd also encourage you to reach out to our Beyond Blue Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals to help you through this.

Our friends at Lifeline are also here for you anytime on 13 11 14 or through online chat from 7pm-midnight at https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat whenever these thoughts and feelings are becoming too much to cope with. You are not alone here, and we hope that you keep us updated on how you're going whenever you feel ready.

[smallwolf]

firstly, thank you for posting. It can be hard to be open and write what you are feeling into a space not knowing how people might reply.

I don't have the timeline issue you referred to... However after highschool I did not get in Uni. I went to TAFE instead and then Uni. Another person I went to school with repeated year 12 before going to Uni.

Now I don't know what you are studying at Uni or where you thoughts come from but there might be and also some positives in your post. For example, you might be learning stuff at Uni that you can apply at work and vice versa. You are also able to juggle work and study. Also gaining life skills.

On the abusive customers... I know from personal experience that it seems like they are talking directly to you and that it is all your fault. My psych also told me about reframing my thoughts. There may be another reason for the person being abusive. They may be running late, or had a bad day. Or? So they may be projecting their anger or frustration out on you. Even if you try this, it might not work first time but with practice and time ... At the end of the day you are doing the best that you can, and that is all you can do.

I could post on some of the other topics. I would suggest that you might consider talking to someone about these thoughts and feelings. I started seeing a psychologist about 3 years ago and still refer to myself as a work in progress. It might help you also? or myself, nothing was worse than holding all the pain and negative thoughts inside of me.

I hope you come back to share more of your story.