Feeling A Bit Numb

[Anonymuz]

I don't feel suicidal at all, I just feel like no one or anything can hurt me anymore because throughout my whole life my journey has been one of constant hurt. I have forgotten what good even feels like anymore I feel like if life really is just a test then right now I must be sitting a 24-year exam for a master's in life is crap.

I have had numerous mental breakdowns and recently I have developed a feeling of emotional numbness which I would describe as a disassociated feeling from everything and everyone, I feel no longer any deep connections with people. I was also recently diagnosed with ADHD when I was 24 which should have been more apparent to my teachers, parents, etc. years ago.

I have self-harmed in the past and ended up in a psychiatric hospital, a nicer private one I might add and gained nothing from it aside from the ability to get away from my personal life madness. I vowed to never self harm again and I have not since but now due to the scars on my face people cross the street and judge me.

All humanity seems to be is a malevolent race, everyone claims they care but deep down do people really care for one another or just use them as a stepping stone to get to the top. I feel like unless you're a figure of fame, fortune or anything in between then no one cares about one another.

It's very prevalent in western society that money and status is everything, if you don't have the money you can't get good help, if you're poor or been dealt a bad hand then you are forced into the public system, forced to be in rooms and close vicinity with people who suffer from more troubling mental illnesses, i.e. violent schizophrenics whose poor souls are trapped within their own world of delusion and have no way out, which then makes you crazier as well.

The only other option is to make a lot of money, which is all good and well and can be achieved but how when you are not even motivated anymore to do anything because every time you think life gets better it just hands you a joker card and deals you with more bad news.

I am not in a bad place I just wanted to express my feelings and thoughts so please don't be alarmed but I just need to know what I should try to do to make my life worth living because I refuse to give up but I also do not know where to go from here, I am already seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist but still feel this way, medications have helped but can only help so much with so many environmental factors affecting my mental health.

[continuousventer]

hello, fellow university student here, it is hard - university and life.

For me, my life has also been hurtful, because I grew up poor with a dysfunctional family for 17 years and then we got separated after domestic violence. I am sorry to hear that you have self-harmed on your face. I really mean it, to struggle and then have other people judge you.

I also get it with the help. Like I can't afford to get the help I need because I am financially independent from my family. So when my free 10 sessions are up, I don't know what to do.

I do get your argument with the environment, It's like it's too much and you wish it was easier. More support so you feel understood.

It's okay to struggle. I'm not judging you on what you're saying, but I think you're just scarred by life. I am too. It's difficult to get out of the poverty trap. It's difficult to be judged by other people about how you are managing your condition because they don't know you and I just wish people would try to understand.

[Anonymuz]

Thanks for the reply, obviously knew there were people in similar positions but good to hear from you what can I say life sucks