Family issues

[Tagraja]

I am an only child living in a household with an abusive father and a mother who constantly makes me feel worthless. What's worse is that she doesn't understand the pain she causes those around her with her words. My father became depressed before me because of the same thing. Now i am going into yr 12 and i just feel worthless about myself. Im also bisexual living in an extremely homophobic environment and I'm too afraid to say anything about my emotions because people will just call me weak. My mom will find a way to blame me for my depression just like she does with all problems. What's the best way to deal with my mom? 

[geoff]

dear Tagraja, hello and welcome to the site.
Having an abusive father whether it's verbal and/or physical makes no difference, because neither should ever be done, sure they
can disagree with what you have said or done that goes against their principles, but as you grow older your ideas do change
which means that they have to also change their principles, but when they don't then a problem begins, and unfortunately
this happens most of the time, but it seems very unlikely that this will ever happen while you are still at home, and this means
by starting year 12 you're got another year before you can move out.
I wondwer whether or not alcohol is involved with your parents, and please I mean no harm in saying that.
At the moment your mum seems to 'rule the roost' causing problems with you and also with your father by having depression.
Don't take yourself as being weak even though your mum has probably being telling you that you can't do 'this or that',
because she's just baiting you for a reaction, that's what feeds her joy, and that's what makes her feel good and to know
that she can upset you and then control you.
She will then reinforce your dad by telling him to say something bad back to you, just so she's 'top notch', not a very nice
environment to grow up in, and nothing you say or do will please them, so that's why I would hold back from telling them that
you are bi-sexual, otherwise you will get so much back-flap from them, and do they have to know at the moment.
If by chance you do bring someone home then just say that you are both studying a subject, and only if your room is out of site
and out from them intruding, however I would still keep it to yourself, and get year 12 over and done with, then when you turn
18 you can then move out and then live the life you want.
It would be great  to hear back from you. Geoff.

[Lost_in_the_confusion]

Don't be afraid of who you are and don't let others get you down, this is something that I have had to deal with I'm (not openly) gay but I first came out to my younger cousin and my aunt, I do hope that you have close other family that you can talk to. 

I have trouble with my grandfather just his words make me feel worthless. But the whole community here has been very supportive for me. 

Depression is a hard battle but don't loose yourself you will survive, you sound like you're taking the first step by coming here, have you tried to see your GP it can't hurt to get a referral to a psychologist, or you could see your school councillor you do have options.

I hope this has been helpful for you and I would like to extend a warm and welcoming hug and you are not alone 

                       Lost in the confusion 

[PatT]

Hi Tagraja,

nobody should have to live under the roof of an abusive parent but in reality it happens all too frequently. It really sounds like your mother is set in her ways and I don't know how much good trying to change her would do at this point. I agree with Geoff that you should probably avoid telling your that you're bisexual at the moment or else risk copping whatever abuse she might throw at you.

The best thing you can do right now is to try and take better care of your own emotional health by reaching out and speaking to people who can help. Asking for help on the beyondblue forums is a great first step but it sounds like you need more hands on guidance and some type of counselling. Does your school have a counsellor available that you could speak to? Try and have a chat with them about your problems and i'm sure they would have strategies that you could employ. 

And just try to think of this part of your life as a temporary unpleasant period. Once you're finished with school, get yourself a job and get out of that house. You don't deserve to be stifled like this.

[Embracing_Tiger]

Hi Tagraja,

It took a lot of bravery to share your situation in the forum. And coping with your situation, I think shows a lot of strength. It sounds like your home situation plus going into Yr12 is really impacting your stress as well as other stuff. Please consider your own safety when you decide what to do. I don't mean to say to not do anything and put up with it, but safety is really important in any situation. 

From what you've written, you could be experiencing emotional/psychological abuse. There a lot of services out there that can support you. 1800 RESPECT is a 24hr counselling service for family violence (which psychological abuse is a part of). Depending on where you live, there may be some LGBTI+ services that can, not only give counselling, but may be able to help with case management/social work services like short term accommodation, food, etc if you choose to leave the household. Twenty10 is in Sydney, or Minus18 in Melbourne. There are others around the country, I just don't know them off the top of my head. 

Do you think these organisations could help you?

ET