Ex depressed

[Livlucy]

So little over a week ago now my boyfriend told me that he couldn't do it anymore, and that he wanted to break up. He had told me about a month prior that he had been feeling depressed for over a year now, but I was the first and only person to know. He told me that I had inadvertently pushed him to want to get help, but that he didn't want to hurt me in the process or drag me down with him.

I am trying my best to not take it personally, and I really don't want to give up on him. I told him I would be there in whatever way he wanted, and he has so far decided to remain in my life and has come to me when he has had days worse than others. We are still talking most days, and we have seen each other in person and talked over the phone too.

he is my best friend and I want him to be happy again, but I must admit it hurts me to think I couldn't help him enough. I am very confused as to how to deal with not abandoning him when he is at his most vulnerable, but also with dealing with my own sadness with the breakup.

[Livlucy]

Since he left today I have thought about it, and I think this is what I want to say to him

"I apologise for how I acted this morning, but I have had all of those emotions welled up in my head for the last two weeks with no escape. I am not making it easy for you or myself though by carrying on that way.

After you left today I decided what is best for me right now. I know you don't think you deserve it but I care about you so much, and I want to be in your life.

But if that is to happen at some point then I need to distance myself for the moment. I'm not going anywhere, I'm still here to chat with when you really need to.

I admit this is going to be hard for me, I feel like I am doing exactly what you expected me to do. You told me that you expected me to walk away if we stayed together, and I feel like I'm letting you down in some way. But it isn't the case, I just need some space from you for the moment so you can figure out what is best for you.

But talking right now is too painful. I am getting way too many mixed messages from you. And so at least for the next 4 weeks minimum I need this break from conversation and then I will reevaluate where I'm at and you can let me know where you are at.

In saying that though, I really want you to get help. I know better than anyone that you won't do anything unless you want to, but you said I was the one who pushed you to want to get better, and I really hope that is the case. If you really want me in your life you can't ignore this any longer, because it is not going to get better on its own.

I cared about you before us, and I still care about you now, and I'm always going to care.

Im not giving up on you, I know you don't believe in yourself but I do. And nothing you can say will change that because I know what I'm about."

I'm not sure whether that is too much for him after today

[SourceShield]

Well done.

You're being very brave.

I encourage you to stay strong.

He may not understand all your words, right away...but in time, they may very well sink in more.

But, thats actually not whats important, in that, youre asserting your need to stay healthy, and that you still do really care for him...but, things cant keep continuing the way they have been.

You deserve peace of mind.

Thats fair enough.

Your feelings are valid.

Youre gonna need some support to get you through this, so stay in touch with us.

Stay with your psych.

Keep yourself active...to distract the brain, in a healthy way.

Stick to the basics...eat well, stay hydrated, sleep well...all the simple things do add up, and help us when we are stressed, and anxious.

You are not alone.

MuchLove

[Livlucy]

I sent it through to him via messenger. As much as we both hate communicating important things via that avenue, I felt that if he had my feeling written there in concrete at least he may be able to look back at some point and understand. Like you said, he may not take any of it in now.

And I am definitely sticking to my psych for the foreseeable future. The one thing I want most right now is to be physically active, but unfortunately this all occurred right as I went in for surgery on my knee so I have been trapped in my home.

I'm definitely looking forward to exercising though, that is the one thing I really enjoy and that can help me focus on myself.

And I definitely will update you all on how things progress. I am finding it so therapeutic to voice my feelings on here and it really is helping.

[SourceShield]

Thats awesome.

Love your work!

Stay strong.

Sorry to read about the knee though - May you have a swift and painless recovery!

Keeping the mind occupied, is also a great way to stay active.

You express yourself very well, with written word, have you thought about writing prose or poetry...to express how you feel?

Art and music are really good too...theres a lot of study that has gone into how music can affect the mood, in positive ways.

Art...can be therapeutic, when facilitated properly.

Reading up and doing some research of your own about how depression 'works' will also help you to better understand your friend, because it is clear that you care, very deeply for him.

When you guys to catch up again, youll be armed with more knowledge, understanding...and compassion!

On that note, on a deeper emotional level - I feel sad for you.I know how I felt after my first heartbreak.

I bawled my eyes out.

The guy that I was into...just wasnt into me!

That sux.

If I could give you one piece of advice - please do your best to not allow this experience to make you bitter about love and relationships.

You're still young, in this case, thats a good thing!.

You will be okay.

You may feel that right now...that its all crumbling to pieces, but this will pass.

And, youll be stronger.

Sometimes when stuff like this happens in relationships...some people become rather jaded and bitter.

Dont let that happen to you.

Stay sweet natured, caring and thoughtful.

Im glad that youre getting so much out of sharing how it is for you...we learn from you too!.

MuchLove

[pipsy]

Hi Livlucy. Well done on sending the message. No doubt it will 'throw' him, but it might make him stop and think about what he is doing to both of you. Concentrate on you and stay strong for your future. We are always here for you, you need never feel alone. If it's right and meant to be, it will be.

Lynda