Everything is starting to become too much

[Natx]

I’m currently in high school, year 10. In all honesty the last couple of months have been rough and I feel like things have begun to pile up over time. Things began when I started constantly getting criticised about my looks from my mum. I couldn’t look at myself properly for weeks and I hated myself. Along with that I have my school stress and tutoring stress. I can never seem to settle down and I am constantly on edge. I always feel like something bad will happen and I tend to feel like breaking down a little more often than usual.

I’m not sure if I’d call them panic attacks but I’ve had many episodes in the past couple of weeks where my heart wouldn’t stop beating fast, my throat was closing in, I couldn’t breathe and I kept crying. I’ve gone to see school counsellors, but honestly the counselling system isn’t so great. Its not that the counsellors were terrible but I cant help but feel judged when trying to speak my thoughts, which I struggle to do. I try to take on their advice in regards to my anxiety but they never work, especially in moments where my anxiety spikes up.

I’m starting to push my family and friends away and I noticed that I’m starting to get more gloomier everyday. I feel that I need to always put on a face at school to act like I’m okay, when in reality I feel like I’m choking. I don’t know what to do. I don’t like discussing this with other people because I dont feel that they’d openly listen to my thoughts without judging.

I am an extemely self conscious person and am starting to lose my confidence. I get extreme anxiety during tutoring for some reason, especially when the teacher walks around. I dread it every week and I worry more than I should about it. My motivation to go to school is slowly fading away and I’m not sure how much longer I can hold on for. My life’s a mess and i don’t know what to do with it.

[startingnew]

hello and welcome

things sound rather overwhelming for you at the moment. well done for reaching out here and also your school counsellors even i your not finding them helpful at the moment.

Kidshelpline and Headspace are good services that you could try as well and the offer free weekly counselling sessions so you could give that ago and see if that helps too. With speaking to people in real life about your thoughts and emotions perhaps before each sesison you could write down your thoughts on some paper and then hand it to the counsellors and they can read and take the lead. do you think that might work for you? they arent there to judge you, so please try not to be afraid to talk. unfortunatly you need to work on the coping skills and learn what works for you. it often takes a few goes to practice and become better at controlling your anxiety with some coping methods. If you have a look at a thread here called 'COPING STRATEGIES' which you can find by typing that into the bb search bar, there are quite a few pages with different ideas on how to cope, perhaps something is there that suits you better.

with your school and tutoring stress, do you think you could talk to your teachers and let them know your struggling? they could offerr support, advice and perhaps offer some extra help with your school work through extensions, or accomodate your needs by not walking around the room so much... its worth a go having a talk to them.

please keep talking to us here, we are listening

[Ell43]

Hey Natx,
That sucks that your mum was making comments on your looks. I feel like sometimes adults forget what it was like to be in school and feel constantly judged on your appearance.
Did you ever get a chance to explain to her how those comments make you feel that the effect they have had on your confidence? Sometimes people don’t quite realise the power of their words!

I think what you described sounds pretty much like panic attacks to me. And they can be really horrible to deal with, I’m sorry you have been experiencing them.
I agree with StartingNew in that it’s super annoying, but coping skills are just like any other skills that we learn, they get better with practice.
However, what I would suggest is maybe pick one that you sort of like or have found a little bit easier and try and practice it when you are feeling your most relaxed and stress-free. Its SUPER difficult to try and use a new skill when you are already feeling anxious and overwhelmed. I guess you can think of it kind of like learning to walk before you can run, or you can think about how they teach people to get over their fear or aeroplanes…. Generally, you won’t just stick someone on an aeroplane and then teach them to relax when they are already in full panic mode. It just won’t work!
You need to teach the person the skills on how to help themselves relax before they are put in that stressful environment, and even then you might find that they need to practice that skill gradually and learn to control their breathing and lower their heart rate when they talk about planes… then see planes… then get on a plane… then finally the skill is hopefully built up enough that they can fly on the plane and still use the technique effectively.

Sorry for that long winded explanation ^^ I hope it sort of makes sense to you though.
I guess what I am trying to say is don’t be too hard on yourself if you can’t make any of the advice the counsellors have given you work straight away. It’s not easy.
And, if you really don’t think what they have suggested is right for you, don’t be afraid to seek other advice from other sources too.
I mentioned to someone else, I find the Smiling Mind app helpful to use as a relaxation technique. Maybe it might work for you?