Have my friends gone too far or is it just me ?

[Kate_P]

I don’t know where to start but u know I needed someone to talk to, I go to an only girls school and I have a big group of friends but in that group there’s a smaller group they have always been so nice they would joke around but i would never take it to heart but one of my close friends has become more popular out of school and she just started being so rude to me another friend is on her leash, my other friends just watch , I feel as though every time I talk she finds a way to shut me up by making fun of me or judging me , the other day she through something at me I threw it back and then I went to the bathroom I come back and she’s there telling everyone hands up who doesn’t want (me) in the group and like she knew I was listening and she always tells me not to take things to heart , if I try being nice she judges me if I try joking around she judges no matter what I do she finds a way to judge me. She always finds a way to convince the rest of the group to go along with her shit and it makes me feel lonely and hopeless every time I walk into the room I know that she’s not going to nice and the upsetting thing is sometimes she is so nice I forget all the Shit she’s done in the past hour ,I just don’t know what to do there’s lots more but it’s hard to explain I’ve just been feeling empty these past 2-3 weeks and I have no idea what to do

[quirkywords]

kateP,

welcome to the forum. it can be hard to write your first post so well done for reaching out in a clearly written way.

When I hear some adults say that high school was the best years of their lives I think that distance and time has made them forget how complex friendships can be in high school.

I can understand how hard these last few weeks have been for you and how lonely and confused you would feel.

Sometimes when a friend starts behaving like your friend is, it is more about what is happening in her life and not about you. Maybe she is feeling insecure or has issues at home.

When someone is rude then nice to you it is confusing and unsettling.

Are you able to talk to your friend alone , maybe outside school, and explain how while you value the friendship you feel confused at times.

Is she treating anyone else like she treats you.

There is another thread Girl is mean to me for no reason . You may find some of the comments there helpful. You will realise you are not alone .

Thanks for sharing your story and feel free to post here when you want to..

Quirky

[Ell43]

Hey Kate P,

I just read your post, and it sounds like a really confusing and frustrating situation for you! I can see you posted last week, I'm hoping maybe since then you have tried what Quirky suggested about talking to your friend alone and maybe that helped? If not thats ok, it can be really hard to ask someone that is being mean to you why they are doing it. I find it really hard to confront friends about that sort of thing!

Maybe if you haven't found a time or the courage to talk to the main girl that is specifically being kind of horrible, you could try explaining to one of the other girls in the group privately about how you are feeling. Maybe they are feeling similarly?

I guess the good thing about being at an all girls school is there are LOTS of other girls in the year level that you might be able to start building friendships with if you feel like its getting to hard to sit with these same girls at lunch time. Maybe a break from them might help take some of the heat off you?

You said at the end of your post that there is lots more to the story, I know its super hard to try and write out all the unique details of a friendship group and everyones personality and the things that have happened in it. I wonder, is there anyone in your life (outside your school girls group) that you'd be able to tell about all these issues that might be able to offer advice to you. Sometimes parents, teachers or friends from other schools are easier to talk to about problems with school friends, as they are removed but still understand the situation relatively well.

In answer to your question in the title of the post, have your friends gone too far? I think if you are feeling as unhappy as you described for the past couple of weeks, and one girl is going out of her way to make you feel unwelcome (the hand raising thing) then the answer is yes they have. You shouldn't be made to feel like that.
I'm really glad you are reaching out for some help!

High school can be tough! Hang in there!
Ell 😃