Does the sadness last forever?

[LuLu_]

Hello to those who are reading

I have been struggling with severe depression for a couple of years now. There have been many influential and significant events in the most important years of my life that have shaped who I am and I believe I will forever be changed for better or for worse.

I was wondering. Will a small piece of my depression be with me forever? Will a small piece of the extreme sadness I have felt stay within?

Please share your recovery journey or any thoughts that are on your mind. Any support and knowledge would be appreciated.

Lulu

[Croix]

Dear LuLu~

I can only give you an answer in what has happened to me. I tried for years undiagnosed to deal with PTSD anxiety and depression. I went further and further down until I could not function. Initial medical treatment when it came did improve matters as did the removal of a major stressor, my employment.

If you had asked my during those early years if I thought it possible for the depression and other symptoms to leave I would have said no.

My treatment, meds, hospital and family support all contributed to improvment. This has (by and large) kept up until now I'm not depressed for very long periods and the bouts, when they come, are short. Anxiety has lessened, and can mainly be dealt with.

Do I have a happy life? Yes. Extreme sadness? No

Of course one is changed by the events in one's life, they certainly put me in a very bad place. But that is not all. Treatment takes time. Perspective and coping skills grow with experience too. Plus I believe - at least in my case - time has greatly lessened symptoms.

If you are like me depression and sadness will have shorter and shorter bouts and be mostly manageable when they hit.

I don't know if that is much help to you, at least you know from my example a much better life is possible

Croix

[Sad_Mushroom]

Hi LuLu,

As with Croix, I can only answer for me and my experience.

You ask "Will a small piece of my depression be with me forever? Will a small piece of the extreme sadness I have felt stay within?"

Yes and no. I have been over my depression for years now and at first, was waiting for it to come back. I was more anxious waiting for it to come back than when I was suffering previously. It never came back.

Now I can think about those times and though I feel sad about the things that happened the happy memories from earlier on in my life are shining through with a vengeance. I can remember bad/sad things but also see the good things that happened before and after without the bad/sad things hanging around for more than a few minutes. There's no more dwelling on bad times.

I'm glad I can remember and 'feel' the sadness as it's helped me to understand others who are still suffering.

So for me. Yes, a little bit of the depression has stayed deep within me. No, it's not the same as feeling depressed. For me, once the depression was gone, the happy memories, which I had forgotten about or just never seen as happy at the time, began shining through.

SM

[blondguy]

Hey LuLu

You have been on the forums for a while now and you have written a great thread topic here LuLu

To answer your thread topic question....Just in my opinion....no I dont think the sadness lasts forever....I used to have chronic anxiety which dissipated after 15 years....yet the depression kicked in afterwards which I still have even though its manageable.

Your question in the body of your first post is another matter....you asked "Will a small piece of my depression be with me forever?" This is an excellent question that doesnt really have an answer...unfortunate LuLu.

Even if you had a blank cheque for the best counselor available he/she would struggle to answer your question

The Good News 🙂

This is my 22nd year dealing with clinical depression. Having super regular counseling (weekly is great....fortnightly is okay) is one of the keys that unlocks the door to peace of mind. It takes a ton of determination and perseverance but it does work......

I have been on a tiny dosage of antidepressants for these 22 years but they werent a fix all. They did provide me with a solid platform on which I healed more effectively using frequent counseling....

You are an amazing person LuLu for creating such a great post and good on you!

I hope some of this has been a help to you

My Kind thoughts

Paul

[LuLu_]

Hi Croix

Thank you for your reply I am very grateful.

Thank you for sharing your story. I am glad you now experience happy moments and I hope the happy moments fill your life most of the time from now on.

My depression has become apart of me. I say that carefully because my psychologist doesn’t want me to identify myself by my illness. But it is hard as I don’t know when I’m talking and when my depression is talking.

Nice to hear from you Sad Mushroom

I can relate to your feeling of liking the sadness as it allows you to connect to others in pain. I am scared to let anything in for fear of it overwhelming me. I push my feelings right inside of me. However the sadness persists. It’s not that I want it to go away for it has given me great insight. It’s just I wanted to know if the sadness in me will leave me, personally I’d like to hold onto it, so it can connect me to a time of great pain. I want the sadness to keep me empathetic and human.

I like how you said that a little part of your depression stayed with you but oh do not feel depressed. I hope the light memories keep shining through for you. I hope the sunshine is so bright it evaporates the rain.

Thank you for sharing your story, it makes me feel less alone being able to say these things.

Hello blondguy

Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. You are helping me feel less alone.

The loneliness follows me and the sadness sits on my shoulder. Your compliments warm my heavy heart and bring tears to my eyes. I am in need of some kind caring people like you in my life.

I understand you have to want to get better to recover. This is a scary concept for me. I am not ready to want recovery. i am not ready to hate my depression or want it to leave.

I do believe counselling is key. I attend my sessions regularly and they do help me talk through and understand myself more. I have a long way to go though.

Thank you for your helpful and insightful response. I hope you are well and in a good place.

Vincent Van Gogh expressed his pain through the words “The sadness will last forever”. These words inspired me to write this post.

The sadness inside me resides in my heart. It’s always there. I may feel a moment of goodness but if I give my sadness attention I can feel it’s presence inside of me. The sadness makes me feel human. I feel numb mostly so being able to feel the bad lets me know I’m alive.

Thank you for your kindness

I hope to gain a small group as I and others are in need of support.

Lulu x

[blondguy]

Hello LuLu

Thankyou for posting back and for your wonderful heartfelt feedback. I am doing okay with my depression as its been under management (my great GP) for 22 years. Just for me it does feel like I wear crutches every few months for a little while....Thankyou for having the TLC to ask too x

I think that Sad Mushroom has made a great point mentioning "Yes, a little bit of the depression has stayed deep within me. No, it's not the same as feeling depressed. For me, once the depression was gone, the happy memories, which I had forgotten about or just never seen as happy at the time, began shining through"

I am happy that you are on the forums LuLu

You have written a very good thread here. Nice1

I hope Friday is good to you 🙂

My Kindest

Paul

[LuLu_]

Hi blondguy

My psychologist says that I try to give 110% towards my friends in the hope that they will give me a small part of themselves. I don’t give in the hope of a return but it is hard to keep giving when you are too exhausted to give to yourself.

I read a quote that interested me. “Do not set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.” I feel like i am all burnt out. I am in need of thoughtfulness and care. I am a little fragile at the moment.

Thank you for sharing your personal journey. How long did it take to get your depression to a manageable level? I too feel I have moments where I need crutches to keep me upright. How do you find the strength to keep yourself together when you feel you have no one around you? I am feeling quite alone and sad.

I hope to hear from you soin

lulu 🙂

[LuLu_]

Hello

I just wanted to express my hope that new and old members will feel welcome here. Please share your worries and advice. I look forward to hearing from you.

lulu

[Doolhof]

HI LuLu,

Sometimes I worry that I will not be able to get on top of my depression. I felt that way a couple of days ago, then I read some very comforting words another user had written on the forum, and I found a sense of hope once again.

There are days when this illness can feel very consuming. It is then that we need to put strategies into action so we don't go under.

Hope you are doing okay LuLu.

Cheers from Dools

[LuLu_]

Hi Dools

I worry that too. My main worry is that i am selfish for not wanting to get better and also that i am a bad person. Thank you for your reply. I appreciate your post immensely.

lulu