Dealing with it all

Gcgirl · ‎03-09-2015

Hi all im Bree 22 I'm reaching out as I need to vent and release what has been kept inside it seems nobody else cares or understands

my cancer passed away in 2012 with cancer it was horrible I have nightmares of the last few times I seen her at her wake I spoke to this man Ryan who I had known most of my life but not we'll he was my cousins best friend and he and his farther were always at our family get togethers anyway the next day we started dating. We have now been together just over 3 years things were okay, back in November my bf was diagnosed with cancer was to be a huge surgery and long radiation treatment me and his farther had planned who sees him what day in hospital so everyday he would have someone there sadly his farther passed away December as u can imagine it was gut wrenching . My parents were also kinda stressed and took it out on me but anyway we were broke and had to organise a funeral I had to do it my bf has always been abit lazy and often won't answer calls etc so I arranged the funeral and the money to pay for it I managed to see my bf 6 days out of 7 he was in hospital and I went to 32 out of 33 radiation treatments with him it was hard being poor and stressed cz of all that had and was happening but the doctors say he's okay at the moment 🙂 okay fast forward my bf received a lot of money from his late farthers super and since then he has been so mean saying I only stayed with him for money I didn't even kno about super and I never once thort oh he's gunnr get a lot of money point is I'm still poor and he's not but he will be soon but he says I'm a bum and don't contribute enough he also calls me fat and ugly that really hurts my feelings I have very low self esteem I use to get bullied at school I feel I'm not good enough for him all I do is annoy him I love him so much and he was so loving and caring before I know he must be stressed but sometimes when he throws stuff in my face I think we'll I'm the only person who has been there for u through everything and sometimes I wonder would he do the same for me thanks for reading x

geoff · ‎04-09-2015

dear Bree, thanks for posting your comment to us, and can I say I bet you were nervous about deciding whether or not to reach out for help, but I'm pleased that you have.

There has been so much going on for you and most of it has been so unexpected and very difficult to cope with, so I am just so sorry for you to have to experience all of this.

There are so many questions we ask ourselves about life, and there are many answers which we can never figure out why, and that's exactly where you stand.

You have been so supportive not only for your boyfriend but also with his father passing away and organising and paying for his funeral, this is never a pleasant event to go through with, and it puts you into a very difficult situation, and at the same time supporting your b/friend with his radiation, boy, you had a great deal on your plate, and now your b/friend is rejecting you, and would he do it for you---------------I don't think so.

When some people come into a great deal of money their personality can change, because they feel as though they are in total control and then take charge, but what they don't realise is that they are forcing their friends away, just like you.

You say that you are poor, so I hope that he has reimbursed you for his dad's funeral, but you also say ' he's not but he will be soon' in terms of money, so does this mean he is going to spend it all.

This does upset me, because you have been there for him all through this, and wanting to help and support him in his awful ordeal, but now he thinks that you aren't pulling your weight, so I can never understand how ungrateful some people can be, they only think that it's all about me now, and won't recognise and appreciate all the love and definitely help that you have given him.

I can't tell you what to do, however you could empathise to him that you were always there for him in his own battle, and didn't want to leave his side.

When he replies to you after saying this then you will know what your decision will be.

Take care. L Geoff. x

Gcgirl · ‎04-09-2015

Thanks Geoff you have made my day better just by taking th time to read and reply to my situation thank you x BreeBree

Narniakid · ‎12-09-2015

Hi Gcgirl, welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing with us.

I am sorry to hear of all that you've been through, it sounds like a really tough time. I applaud you for staying strong and for coming on here for some advice. Cancer is such a demon, I've had a number of my loved ones taken from me just in the last few years from cancer, so I know exactly where you are coming from.

It is good to hear your boyfriend is doing well, however I do suggest you express to him how you feel. Communication is the key to any relationship, and you should both be equals. My partner and I are very different people and we live different lifestyles, and if it weren't for our good communication and patience and understanding with each other, we wouldn't have worked past the first week. Explain to him that you've been there for him all through this, but you feel like your love has been ignored, and you'd just like some recognition. I can understand his bitterness in terms of the cancer and the stress that comes with it, as people naturally behaviour in a more selfish manner when they're under mental stress, however if he's been given the all clear, his attitude should be better.

Take into consideration what Geoff has said in terms of your boyfriend's attitude towards money, and make sure your partner isn't using it as a tool to control you. I think a good talk with your boyfriend is in need, in order to make sure you're both on the same page financially and emotionally.

Crystal