Dealing with Grief

[Rae18]

Hi Everyone,

I am an 18 year old girl who is dealing with grief and loneliness. I lost my older brother on the 8th of December 2015. He was only 18 when he committed suicide. We were always so close, we would always tell each other anything and talk about the world. It's nearly been two years and I'm struggling to cope. I function like a normal human during the days and then at night I'm a complete wreck. I will stare at the wall for hours, I will zone out, not think and feel quite numb. I live with my partner, but even living with someone I feel so lonely. I've talked to professional and other loved ones but nothing seems to help. I feel like no one understands me and I just want someone who has dealt or been through some sort of grief to help or give advice. As I said throughout the day I go to work and I'm currently studying a diploma but when I get home I just lose it completely and I feel so damn lonely. I'm not big on friends and I'm not social either but in saying that I've never felt this lonely.

I would really appreciate the reply from anyone on this.

[BballJ]

Hi Rae18,

Wow, I am sorry about the loss of your brother, suicide is just terrible and it pains me when I hear these sorts of stories. I know the grief is hard and remains after all this time, I don't know how to fully move on from things and I may not be the best person to ask as I have dealt with my fair amount of grief in my time, it isn't anything like yours and I do not want to compare but it has affected me to this day and is one of the root causes of my anxiety, family related issues if that helps clarify it a bit. Best thing I ever did was talk about how I was feeling and constantly talk about it, the more people I told, the more comfortable I got. Once I started seeing a psychologist, I saw some light and realised I can overcome this grief I carry. You said you have had professional help but it never worked, was it with a psychologist? Dealing with a loss like yours is so hard and can take so long to move on from, it is important in my opinion to just keep talking and seeking the help you deserve to help overcome all these emotions and feeling you have bottled up inside.

Please remember you can call the Beyond Blue helpline on 1300 22 4636 24/7 to discuss anything you are going through.

Please, post back as much as you like, we are always happy to talk.

My best for you,

Jay

[geoff]

hello Rae, my deepest sympathy for the loss of your dear brother, it's such an important event that has unfortunately still affected you, my utmost regards for how you are feeling because it will be something that stays in your mind over the years to come.
At the moment you're working and studying to do a Diploma which isn't going to be easy to do, simply because there will be time limits for assignment to be completed and this is going to cause you a great deal of stress and wonder whether you may need to defer for a year or so.
Perhaps your partner doesn't know or understand what he should be saying back to you, so can I suggest you click onto 'Get Support' and scroll down until you see 'publicans to download or if you ring BB they will send the booklet out to you.
What it does is explain what depression is and lists all types that may affect you, if you and your partner be able to read this, either together or separately, it may give you a base to begin on. Geoff.

[Doolhof]

Dear Rae 18,

My heart goes out to you and your family over the tragic death of your brother. I agree with Jay, share with others how you are feeling, here is a safe place to do so if you don't feel like you can talk with family and friends right now.

Grief is something I know from my life as well. I find that leading up to specific date or event related to the cause of my grief can make it worse for me. We are soon approaching December 8th. Are you finding your grief increasing and becoming worse closer tot his date?

I'm wondering if there may be something you can do to honour your brother's memory this year. Is there a place you used to like to hang out together? Did he have a favourite food or drink? You may like to celebrate his life in some way.

It could be as simple as letting go of balloons while sending him your love, going to his favourite place and just being there, writing him a letter telling him how much you love and miss him, or doing something that reminds you of the time he was with you.

Grief has many different levels to it. I found a lot of helpful information on dealing with grief on the internet. Seeing a grief counsellor may help you tremendously as well. I have found not all people understand grief, but some are very good at helping you walk through it.

There may be groups near you that support people who have been through a family member or friend who has taken their own life. Beyondblue may be able to help you with that if you call 1300 22 4636.

Dealing with grief alone, can be a very hard and difficult journey. Please feel free to continue to share here if you are comfortable to do so, while you also seek other options of support in your area.

I had a dear cousin take his own life and my husband's only Uncle decided that was the answer for him as well. It is not for us to understand why these tragedies happened, I don't know that we can ever understand, we can continue to love that person in our hearts and try to move on with our own lives holding onto to happier memories of loved ones no longer with us.

Wishing I had the words to share with you to truly help you with your grief and sadness.

Hugs to you from Mrs. Dools

[Illona]

Rae18, my mother committed suicide in December 2014. I am especially affected on the anniversary of her death so I end up not going to work on that day. For a while I also functioned during the day and most nights I slept 3 to 4 hours. What made it hard for me was that I blamed myself for not being able to see it coming. My mother confided in me so I should’ve been able to see the signs and prevented it from happening. But the thing is, I came to accept that I can’t blame myself for what she chose to do. Could I have prevented it? Maybe. But I am not responsible for her actions and as much as I wish she had told me she was at the breaking point so that I could’ve stopped her, the fact is it didn’t happen that way and I have accepted it.