Dark Empty Place

[chap10]

I'm a 22 year old man with severe clinical depression and panic disorder. I have always been sensitivite to the notion of emptiness, meaninglessness, and futility. My father died when I was 16 and his death gave rise to a whole new dimension of these feelings of hopelessness. The last 6 years has seen me gradually slide into an addiction problem- with alcohol keeping me company most nights. I just feel that I've had enough. I'm smart enough to know the things that I can do for myself to improve my condition , I just don't have that care-factor anymore. It is like my willpower has snapt like a rubber band being pulled at and stretched for too long. If life is simply about survival, and fixing problems, I don't know if I want it.However-- there must be something inside me, some version of myself that still wants to live and still believes it's possible, as I have booked a psychiatrist appointment and will be heading there tomorrow. I'm going to change meds, grit my teeth, get sober and just take it a day at a time. 

I'm lonelier than I have ever been. I have gradually isolated myself away from my friends and am too depressed to do anything. I hope this psychiatrist has all the answers.  


 

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[White_Rose]

Dear Chap

Congratulations on your first step towards wellness. You have a some hard problems to manage and I wish you all the best in your journey.

I would love to know how you go with the psych if you are happy to tell us. One comment I want to make. Psychs do not have all the answers. I expect you have a huge list of questions but the psych's job is to help you find the answers. So be as open as possible with this person. We all go with our own agendas and sometimes get cranky when everything does not go according to plan. It will take time and hard work but you have started and that is the hardest part.

I look forward to hearing from you again.

Mary

[chap10]

Thanks Mary,

I will let you know how it goes. I'm not too sure how this forum works as I've just started here, but would like to build a bit of a presence.

I am really nervous about this appointment. I have actually been to a psychiatrist before, but I only went twice and it wasn't enough to do any real work. The fact that I have a lot of work to do is what scares me... There's no getting away from myself. 

I know what you mean about going in (to the psych) with our own agendas, and this time I am just going to try my best to lay down my pride and be as open as possible. I normally like to think I know what's best for me... But I feel like I am the one who led myself to this dark place, so I'm going to have to trust in someone else to help me get out of it.