curious and unsure why?

[Bec_Luke]

Hi all, back on posting again. This time I'm curious and unsure.

As some of you may have read about 4days ago. I was not in a stable mental state toe even want to take my meds. I was very upset and distress and felt like there was nothing left in the world and had bad bad thoughts, I was thinking of going into emergancy but was scared and didn't know what to do.

Well i managed to get hold of a one friend who I knew I could rely on to take me into emergancy so I wasn't by myself. We ended up talking for awhile and went to visit quite a few friends of his. By the end of the night I ended up going home.  Not really sure on what I was thinking or what was going on in my head apart from I know I'm prob not going to take my meds. The next day and up until this day and onwards I haven't taken a single med but iv been managing to be feeling better than what I did....

How is this????

[Neil_1]

Hi there Bec Luke  

May I ask why it is that you are not wishing to take your medications?  When were they prescribed to you??  

However, I read major positive news from you at the end of your post where you state that you still haven’t taken your meds, BUT you are now managing to feel better than what you did before.  That is really pleasing to read. 

Are you sleeping ok?   Are your thought processes even a little better than what they were a few weeks back?  

You’ve asked, “How is this??”          Could I ask are you doing anything differently throughout your day?   Exercise, change in diet, interacting more with friends, etc??  

My thoughts on this would be to continue on the path that you’re currently on – in that, if you feel that you’re still progressing forward in a positive manner “without taking any meds”, then absolutely please continue doing that.  

Would love to hear back from you,  

 Neil  

[Bec_Luke]

Hi neil.

Not really sure why I don't want to take my medication, at me i wasnt that we'll enough to be in the right mind set for starters tow want to even consider taking medication. But yes I'm not really sure why. No i haven't been doing anything differently at all as I don't haveany friends at all except one who i hang out with as stated, it's hard to get out as well. 

 So that's why Iam puzzled a bit as that nothings changed or different to be making me feel like this. Thought process is ok I suppose as in there hasn't been any self harm or suicide thoughts at the moment and my sleeping is fine iv been sleeping right through and have been for awhile.

Kind regards Bec 

[geoff]

dear Bec, I have been worried about you, because it's so hard for us to be able to remember what has been happening once you don't reply, but as soon as you do it comes back to our thoughts, you know we care for you so much, just as we do for everyone else, but in this post it's you that we care for.

OK your thoughts of self harm and/or suicide at the moment aren't there and that's terrific, and getting a good night sleep is even better, however these awful thoughts need to be addressed, I'm so sorry to say, because they can never be pushed aside, the reason being, is that they will come back to haunt you, and that's something that you and us need to fix.

You now seem to have a good friend and his/her friends who want to help you so that's good, and you can rely on then at the moment, but we have to get you to be able to think the process through by yourself, and this will take time, but not unachievable.

I am about to log off for the night at 1.00pm as my medication does this to me, but I am back on deck at 12.01pm, so if you keep replying, just as Neil has to you I will catch up early in the morning.

I must say to you that these hours of my existence do really annoy me, just because a couple of bikies assaulted me, anyway please reply back. L Geoff. x

[Bec_Luke]

Hi geoff,

It's good to hear from you.

I have this story that onthe day I was going to go into emergancy. 

I'm not sure if you have read in the paper or news but recently they have just done the commen wealth games trials. There's this girl my  age and we had ran together since 2006 when I started my athletics career and continued on. She had had a few years off from aths and did netball and made the state national team, she then came back 2012 when I just missed the Australian  junior team for the world championships in barcelona I missed out by point one of a sec and this girl as hers second meet one the race and got automatic ly selected, she ran well ina time of 53.something this season umm she ran 52 at the aus open meets in melbourne and made the commonwealth games team.

This shook me as I knew my abilities and that that's what I'd would have to of done to still be init and I know that who im competing against and the level that I would be competing at. This upsetme a bit because as I had mentioned about my training at the beginning of last year and we're I was at and what I was and could be aiming for all before I got ill, thati could ofmade that team too. It brought on other thoughts of Ihad let my self down, and the decisions that have been made to have an impact on my life to this day and where my life's heading and whathas made me happy, it made me feel that the reasion I'm in the position I am today is all my fault.

I know that she has had the support and that background and grat self conferdence as she always  has since little. And the facility's. Unlike me and my childhood etc.

I'm not sure ifthe light bulb has finally turned on.

I'm sorry to hear about what has happend to you, I'm interested inhearing more about your story.

Can wait to hear back.

Kind regards 

Bec