Confused.

[Paradoxy]

Hi everyone,Hope you are all well.

 Just some background info to begin with. I'm 21 years old and male. I go to university with 1 year left to go. I do everything normal people would in a way. Study, go out, go to the gym, work a part time job etc. Yet, something feels not quite there. I should be happy with what I have. Everybody else that's similar to me seems like they are happy with what they have.It's hard for me to articulate what I'm feeling because I don't exactly understand it myself. Sometimes it doesn't affect me - I feel normal, happy etc. However, when it does affect me I feel sad as if I just want to disappear from the world. This being said, I can't seem to understand what it is. I feel as though my life is never progressing forward. It is as if it is stagnating already. Like everyday will become the same old routine even though it isn't. I feel like I want to do one thing, yet end up doing another.It feels like all my friends are also there become of the circumstance (uni, school etc). Once I finish university, I'm not sure who my friends will be. It makes me feel lonely and scared at the same time. I can't seem to meet new people either. I can meet them and we can really get along. However, without something that allows us to constantly see one another (job, uni etc), I struggle to stay connected to said people. It makes me feel like I'm never going to make some real and everlasting friends. Everybody around me is advancing in their lives. New jobs, new relationships, etc. For me however, it's as if there are only 2 pillars holding me up: university and family. If you were to take away any one of these, then I would have nothing. Nothing to live for at all.I don't know if this will make sense to anyone. If anyone reads it and can relate, it'd be nice to know others that feel the same way. All the best !

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[Zeal]

Hi Paradoxy,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm a 22 year old female, and I also have one year left at uni. I know what you mean when you say you have a normal life, but don't feel content or secure. Your life is definitely balanced, with study, part-time work, socialising and exercise. The truth is, many more people than you'd realise aren't completely satisfied with their life either. There is pressure (i.e. from within, from others, from the media) to have a full life and to succeed.

Based on your post, it sounds as though you have a form of depression. Having these two "pillars" supporting you can be enough. The third essential pillar, however, is self-belief. Though you say you have nothing to live for, it sounds as though you are more lost than suicidal. I could be very wrong. Regardless, I recommend you make an appointment with your GP.

Finishing university can be overwhelming, as it signifies a major life change. Having unwavering support from your family is a great buffer. I don't know what I'd do without my family, and now my boyfriend. Do you live at home? Some people may feel that moving out should happen by a certain age, but I really don't think age is important. My boyfriend is more than capable of living independently, but still lives at home (he's 24). He plans to move out at the end of this year.

I was lost after finishing Year 12 in 2010. I've had OCD (anxiety) since I was 13, and at that stage I wasn't on SSRI medication to correct my serotonin (brain neurotransmitter) deficiency. In 2012 I was hospitalised for 2 months with an eating disorder. Between 2010 and 2014, my life was "on hold" while I struggled with feeling lost, as well as mental illness. To be honest, I don't have any close friends from university. The group of friends I spend time with now I met just over a year ago, on New Year's Eve. I had no invites for NYE 2014/15, so once my best friend (known her since I was 7) heard, she invited me to the small social event she was going to with her boyfriend and his friends, who had become her friends too. My boyfriend is actually one of the guys in that group I met that night. I never thought I would be in a relationship with someone within a friendship group, but I am very glad that I am.

I just wanted you to know that things can improve, especially when you figure out what you want to do and what interests you. Seeing your GP is crucial, as mental illness is conquerable and needs attention.

Best wishes,

SM

[Narniakid]

Hey Paradoxy, welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing with us. 

I can totally hear where you're coming from. As a 19 year old myself, I feel like there's an awkward stage between finishing school and reaching middle age; you're kinda just going along with whatever not really sure what you're doing, and it can lead to a feeling of not being content. I get it all the time, I mean I'm studying too and I have a part time job and everything, but I also feel as if I'm not really contributing anything significant.

Have you considered speaking to a specialist about this? One of the best places to start is seeking professional help. I've been with my psychologist for about 5 years now, and as she's moved around, I only see her once every few months, but I feel so much better after every session. 

Perhaps visit your local GP for a professional diagnosis and a referral to a psychologist. You could also ask your university what councelling services they offer to students.

Crystal