Completely Confused

[Extremely_Confused]

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years now. We have lived together for just over 2 years. Prior to our dating, I had a tonne of friends and was generally quite happy. As time wore on, my friends and I started to drift apart due to him not liking them and I have not been able to make more friends as he does not have many friends of his own. I am quite close with his family, as he is mine, but he is quite vocal to me about my parents and the decisions they make. I have been usually quite happy in this relationship but lately I am questioning if I truly love him. When I have these thoughts, I find his usual caring nature, overbearing and him wanting to spend time with me irritates me. I don't feel like I can speak to him about how I am feeling. I feel almost trapped in my own mind. My family love and adore him, I have no friends to speak to, and I don't feel like this is something I could speak with him about. He takes care of me and really is a lovely guy, I'm not sure if I am bored, or scared of the serious relationship. He often wants to have sex and for the last six months I just have not been interested at all. Then we argue because I am not into it. If I do go out, say for a couple of days with work, I feel guilty for leaving him. I just don't know how to decide if I still love him or not. I am so confused and almost feel trapped due to the fact that we live together, I would have no where to live if things were to end, my family absolutely adore him, etc. please help!

[blondguy]

Hi EC

Welcome to the forums and good on you for having the courage to post too!

I understand where you are coming from when the doubts start to become more frequent.

I did see a 'Red Flag' that interested me and if I may quote you; "he is quite vocal to me about my parents and the decisions they make"

Its only my opinion but this seems 'controlling' and would give me doubts about a partner too. I find it unfair and unwarranted to be this judgemental in a relationship especially as your parents like him a lot. Your boyfriend is actually pushing you away and he is probably unaware he is doing it.

He shouldnt create an argument because you have exercised your right not to have sex. Just from what you have written has probably brought this on himself. His argument has no basis and he should be respecting your thoughts and wishes where sex is concerned.

Please dont feel guilty for leaving him if you go out. Even in a relationship you are still very entitled to retain your individuality....No one can take that from you.

If you have this many doubts maybe seeing a relationship counsellor would be a great way to reconcile the relationship/your doubts. Even print out your thread here and give it to your GP and ask for help...you have absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain by doing so 🙂

Its appears you have lost interest. Your BF has been pushing you away here and there though too.

You come first in a relationship....not your boyfriend or your parents (with respect of course) You should be able to have a conversation with him about your concerns. Healthy relationships are based on open communication as the foundation for the success of our relationships.

If you wish, please let us know your thoughts. There are many kind people on the forums that can be here for you

my kind thoughts for you

Paulx

[Extremely_Confused]

Hi Paul,

Thank you so much for your response and advice. It had helped just knowing I am not the only one to have experienced doubts in a relationship before.

I will take your advice and print out this post and take it to a relationship or guidance councillor. I think the thing I struggle with is not having someone to speak to about what I am feeling. As stated in my original post, my entire family adores him, I have little to no contact with my friends due to the fact that he dislikes them which has caused a rift, and I don't feel as though I can speak with him about it until I am completely sure what is going on inside my own head.

I guess I am also freaking out thinking I am 23 in my first ever relationship let alone serious one, wondering, wow, could this be it for the rest of my life? We have been together since I was 19 so there are a lot of things that I have not experienced before due to feeling restricted or feeling guilty for going out on my own if he is not interested in what I am doing.

[blondguy]

Thanks heaps for responding EC, its always nice when we have one

I do understand what you are going through especially when your parents think the world of your boyfriend...

My daughter is the same age as you and hasnt experienced Snow Skiing..Travel....hiking...the outdoors....Hawaii...and there is nothing I can do to let her know that her 20's will go like a rocket...

I was a ski-bum (snow freak) when I was 23 and having a ball at Mt Buller and Mt Hotham working on the slopes...its was a party every night (sorry about posting about the past) 🙂

I saw another Red Flag that is a concern and if I may quote you EC: "I have little to no contact with my friends due to the fact that he dislikes them"

Whether you are in your 20's 30's 40's your ability to retain your individuality is paramount...this includes keeping all the friends you have.....they are a part of your life EC. You dont want anyone 'controlling' you especially at this great age.

Smart pro-active choice on printing out what you need to for the doc.

Your life is paramount here......anything else is secondary

Great to have you on the forums EC 🙂

my kindest

Paulx