Can't handle family anymore

[Lolue]

Hi, I'm 24 years old I live with my parents and 29 year old sister. My sister does not communicate with my parents and often blames them for things. My parents no longer want to deal with my sister. Because of this I end up caught in the middle. I end up with my sister venting to me but end up coping her anger. Recently my sister has been complaining about my spending, I'm very in control of my finances my sister recently complained about me buying a melways something I thought was a practical purchase. I recently brought my first car so I want to have things for emergencies such as a melways, torch, first aid kit, etc. My sister does not listen to me Espically when I give advice for example my sister was upset and taking out her anger out on me about my parents not doing the washing properly I suggested she talk to my parents about it but she never does. I told my parents she should do her own laundry if she' going to complain as she is 29 year old adult. As my parents don' want to deal with her it allows her to get away with her brat behavior. I fear the only option is for me to move out. None of my friends are looking to move out, I've been advised to check out flatmates but I'm nervous to move in with people I don' know very well. I would prefer to move out by myself but I am constantly told it is too expensive and would not be great for my depression. But I'm really worried I'll move in with someone and still feel lonely or worried there will be conflict. I have grown up in house where there is always conflict so I have always wanted my own place where I feel safe and happy.

[BenD]

Hi Lolue,

I think its pretty normal to have conflict with our parents, especially as we get older and more set in our ways. As you've identified, its how we deal with the conflict that really matters.

For me personally, moving out was the best thing I ever did to improve my relationship with my parents. I am part of a large family (7 of us) and it was too cramped for space. Now, I actually enjoy seeing them now for lunch and dinner, instead of feeling under constant tension. It also improved my self-esteem because I became largely self-reliant. It sucks that it has to take moving out to improve things, but sometimes you've gotta do whats best for you.

I can't guarantee you won't conflict with new flatmates if you do move out, but I also can't guarantee you will. You'll never know unless you try. Also, even if it doesn't work out you should be able to move back home right? If your parents have a 29 year old in the house surely they won't mind having you back? It might even remind them how good you are to them by comparison!

Let me know what you think,

Ben