Bad Dreams

[JustCallMeShen]

Sometimes, I have bad dreams. When I say bad, I don't mean being chased y monsters or something. It typically involves me living through a version of myself who decided to finally check out, or just a reenactment of all the things I regret in life.

These dreams tend to get worse around the time of some sort of catalyst event. I still get them even when I'm fine, albeit I don't wake up sweating or tearing up. My dreams aren't only subjected to watching me end my own life. Sometimes, I get these really weird dreams where I watch my life being replayed, except I've been replaced by a much better-looking, more able, more skillful and more loved version of me. I just get to watch my perfect doppelganger do everything I've done, but perfectly.

Is this weird? Idk. I hope not though, especially the last bit about watching someone else in my shoes.

[SammyB]

Hi JustCallMeShen,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue online community!

It must be quite overwhelming to have dreams that seem to bring up pieces of your life in such a negative way, especially when I’m sure you are looking forward to getting a restful sleep. Do these thoughts of checking out or things you regret in life seem to occupy your mind even when you are not dreaming?

It’s great that you are aware that these dreams get worse around some sort of catalyst event. It sounds like these dreams may be triggered by stress, and in that case it could be helpful to focus on finding ways to better manage your stress especially in these more high-stress situations?

And I don’t think it’s weird to picture a ‘better version of yourself’ or rather how things would look if everything was perfect, as this may simply mean that you are wanting to achieve more or feel motivated to set some goals for yourself? However, if these thoughts are constant and are making you doubt yourself, this may mean that your mind is more focused on listening to your ‘inner critic’ or negative self-talk, which can bring on feelings that you are not good enough. If this is so, then it may be helpful to reflect on what words you use to describe yourself to see if you are in fact giving in to your inner critic. I sure have let this inner critic get the best of me at certain times of my life, but I find that it’s important to not only acknowledge this inner voice but call it out and replace it with another more truthful, positive voice.

Would be great to hear if this has been helpful, whenever you feel up to it!

[JustCallMeShen]

Hey Sammy,

Thanks for replying. After some self-reflection, I realized maybe I'm a little harsh on myself, but I feel it's quite unavoidable. Self-doubt, shamefully, has become a bit of penchant. I could try being optimistic, but I do get carried away sometimes.

Nonetheless, thanks for the advice. I'll see what I can do.

[SammyB]

Thanks for checking back in JustCallMeShen, it’s great to hear that you have made some time to engage in self-reflection. Challenging thoughts of self-doubt does require you to actively pay attention to how you speak to yourself and truly challenge thoughts that you identify as unhelpful self-talk.

As an example, say you have a negative thought such as “I always make mistakes, nothing I do is ever right”. Is this really true? Sure, we all make mistakes but there’s also times we have all done something well. So instead, challenging this negative self-talk can look like “Sometimes I make mistakes, but I also have made a lot of smart decisions”. Hope this assists you with managing your own thoughts.

I’ve noticed that there is another thread that has been revived that talks about managing similar negative self-talk under the Staying Well section called “Letting Go of Perfectionism”. This thread also explains how CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) is used to challenge these negative thoughts, if you are interested in knowing more about what professional supports are available.

Hang in there, it can get better!