At least I love to talk about myself

[MargaritaRowe]

Mini post

My name is Rita. I'm 20 years old and a university student, a terrible university student and I love my dog a lot.

I suffer from severe anxiety and depression. I decided to come on here to hopefully find people like-minded to talk to, and relate to. I've tried other things, but nothing has helped. Psychologists literally look at me like a lost puppy. Which infuriates me. I know there's nothing else anyone can do. I'm seeing a new one next week and dreading it. At the moment there is nothing truly awful happening in my life. I'm probably in the best place I've ever been. My anxiety and depression still reigns, though anxiety is much more difficult for me. It's totally evil, it tortures me. I'm riddled with migraines, delusions and stress. And once I start to feel bad, I can't get out of it for weeks and it's detrimental to my studies. I could write pages more, but I just wanted to say hey. I think at the moment I just want someone to talk to me, and for me to talk to them and not feel totally foreign for once.

Yours truly, Rita

[Zeal]

Hi Rita,

Welcome to the forum!

Thanks for introducing yourself. I'm 23, and a university student too. I've had anxiety (OCD) for 10 years now.
I'm sorry to hear your severe anxiety and depression makes studying so difficult. It's great that you are still managing to study - good on you!

What breed of dog do you have? I still live at home, and my family has a two year old Golden Retriever. He is an adorable pet, even if he does steal food and socks sometimes. I am more of a cat person these days. We have a beautiful black and white cat with black moustache markings. He is a moggie, and probably one of the most unique-looking cats you'll find!

It's a shame you haven't been able to find a psychologist you can build rapport with. Maybe the new psych you're seeing next week will be better suited to you. Try going to the appointment with an open mind. It's easier said than done, but worth aiming for 🙂

These migraines and delusions sound really debilitating. Seeing your doctor (GP) about this is a good idea.
I hope you are registered with your university disability service. Those with medical or psychological concerns can get some allowances to enable them to still manage study. I am registered with this service at my uni (for my OCD etc.), and it enables me to get extensions on assignments of up to a week with no medical certificate, and I have some extra time during exams.

I can't say whether you'll receive allowances like this, but it's worth asking. Definitely ring your university disability service to touch base. There's no shame in accepting help that you qualify for. Having these provisions is confidential at my uni (and I imagine would be at yours too), so future employers will not be privy to this information.

I really hope this forum is a safe and comforting space for you 🙂

It would be great to hear from you again!

Best wishes,

SM

[MargaritaRowe]

I've actually been wondering if I have OCD. Not self diagnosing of course, just noticing different things about myself, wondering what they are, if it means anything or not, wondering why I do certain things or think certain things etc. I find it really hard to get across what's going on to my doctors. I tend to shut up because I'm petrified of them not really hearing what I'm saying, I get enough of that from my family, I just need someone to get it and give me a little bit of light.

My dog is a kelpie x australian cattle I think... I got her from the pound, now she's spoiled like a queen
God, I wish I had a cat.

I have applied for disability allowance with uni but I still struggle. Maybe I'm a bit lazy. I can't tell. I need to work on myself. I'll start with the psychologist.

Thanks for your kindness

Best wishes to you too 🙂

[geoff]

dear Rita, your picture tells us the story straight away which is so sad.
We learn something new everyday as SM has said about being registered with your university disability service which I didn't know so thanks for that SM.
It does interest me as you say that you may have OCD, so there is a test which you can take so google 'OCD test' which I too have had for 56 years and I do understand why it could be difficult for you to disclose certain information to your psychologist and my last psychologist who I only had seen for 3 or 4 visits always questioned everything I did, including my OCD and that's why I don't see him now or haven't for the last 12 months, because I believed that he was well, hopeless.
There is such a broad definition for OCD so some people can have it but don't know as it may only be minor so it doesn't seem to control their life and then don't worry about it.
OCD is a cause from having anxiety and both of these come under the heading of depression, so it incorporates so many factors which will do mental strain to you, please let us know, and if you decide to do the test tell us a bit of what we maybe able to help you with.
It would be lovely to see a different picture when you start to feel better. Geoff. x

[lillyk]

Hi Rita,

It could be me writing your post. Much of what you said really hits home for me. I am also seeing a psychologist but am limited to 10 session which is just not enough. Im also finding while it helps to have someone to talk to once panic or anxiety hit me sometimes out of know where i find it very hard to control and everything ive been working on with a professional seems impossible to put into place while anxiety is flooding my brain theres no room for anything else.

I know what you mean about once you start to feel bad you cant get out of it. I have the same problem. I feel like i am wasting my life and the anxiety is getting in the way of me enjoying life. I get angry with myself because i just want to snap out of it but dont know how. I feel like id be more productive if i didnt waste so much energy trying to cope with anxiety but dont really know what more i can do at the moment.

Like you I could also write much more but I just wanted say you are not alone 🙂