Anxious. Lost. Numb.

[yogi3537]

I've always been an anxious person and i go in and out of thinking i need help and thinking i am ok. On the outside nobody would guess that i am an anxious person, in fact i appear quite calm and collected but on the inside there is an underlying sense of anxiety that clouds each day. It's been particularly hard lately as i am no longer a student for the first time in my life and i am in the transitional phase of student to developing my career. 

There are plenty of things that i continue to feel anxious about eg. the future, things i need to do to achieve my goals etc. which is normal. However, i amplify these things in my mind to epic proportions and i am left in a state of feeling hopeless. i have always done it regardless of the situation or challenge i am faced with. I have a friend from that has never experienced anxiety and appears to breeze through life even though i work twice as hard as her. I convince myself that the only reason i feel anxious is because i am not conquering my fears and taking risks as much as i should be but am i so hard on myself? I seem to neglect every positive thing about myself and very rarely congratulate myself, always believing i am in some way inadequate or undeserving of something. It holds me back so much but it's like a disease, i know it's happening and i hate it but i don't have the skills to change it. 

The same friend who never feels anxious can go for weeks without exercise and eat terribly. If i did this i wouldn't be able to cope. (I feel horrible if i don't go for a run for two days and eat badly) My exercise and healthy eating is something i do to feel in control...however sometimes i'll go for a run and feel even more anxious (meanwhile my friend who never feels anxious has not been for a run and is watching a movie eating a piece of pizza and still seems to get ahead with work.) Basically i feel like i have to work so so hard and always have to stay in control and even then i'm on the verge of collapsing. For the last few weeks i have cried for no particular reason at least 2-3 times a day and felt generally miserable and depressed even though when i put things into perspective i am in a good place in my life. I want to appreciate these years (I'm 23) and not let my insecurity, negativity and anxiety hold me back which it has for so long. 

What should i do? my mum recently saw her GP and was told to go on anti-depressants for her own anxiety but is opposed to going on medication. 

[Lookingforpeace]

Yogi

First of all, stop comparing yourself to your friend. Your friend clearly does not  suffer from anxiety so the comparison is unfair. By the way, eating pizza and rarely exercising is not a good thing. And getting ahead with work despite not doing those things have absolutely no correlation. You're not the only person who feels better after exercising - it's a science irrespective of whether the person suffers from anxiety. Think of exercise and eating well as nourishing your body, loving your self, investing in your health... And separate it from anxiety.

You don't need to go on meds straight away. Speak to a psychologist who can give you ways to cope. Download a meditation/mindfulness app and practice these. I like Smiling Mind and Buddhify. Keep posting on here. Be kind to yourself.

[BenD]

Hi Yogi,

Well done for posting and welcome to beyondblue.

You describe everything about anxiety much better than I could have. At various times: I too compare myself to others, have a calm exterior but a stormy interior, exercise and eat healthily just to stay level. and I'm considering going to my GP for advice on medication. There are plenty of other people like you and me (this site attests to that).

As Lookingforpeace says, go and see a psychologist and explain to them exactly what you have said here. They will be able to help. It is also worth going to your GP, especially if your mum has gone for similar reasons.

Take care ,

Ben

[Chloekat84]

Hi Yogi. Firstly what ur describing is anxiety and depression so u do need to get to your doctor asap or click on the get support button on the site to find a doctor. even if u just go and talk about ur feelings the doctors are there to help and if u need medication then give it a go. It may or may not work but theres no harm in trying. Also your doctor can help you do a mental health care plan so u can then be booked in to see a psychologist who can help in many way without medication. Hang in there. U will get help and u wont always feel this way. Let us know how u are. Take care x